what is vo0 doing now?

Q: What are you doing vo0?

A: I'm up at 2 am working on a project for a party, eating triscuits straight from the box and drinking milk with a questionable "goodness" level.

Q: Um... why?

A: I am up at 2 am working on a project because once I started working on it, I didn't feel like cursing, screaming and going back to bed, and this is one of the few times I haven't felt that way in the last few days.

Q: And why do I care about the triscuits and milk?

A: You don't, but this is a ridiculously interesting story. I ate so many kisses and candy cane kisses and peanut butter blossoms and pie pieces tonight that I have an aversion to sweets. Seriously, if I eat something sweet, it makes me make a lemon face. It's been about 3 hours since I had anything sweet at all and I just tried to eat a cinnamon muffin and threw it out after two excruciating bites.

This year's real santa letter

Santa,
I don't know how you did it, but you read my mind last year. I asked you for help walking my dog and getting my former students down for a nap, but what I really wanted was for mom to feel better, for my husband and I to have stable jobs and stable housing, and for my Dad to realize how important our silly shopping trip at the end of the year is. I got it all. Thank you.
Since you’re so good at fulfilling wishes, this year I expect that I will become a better chef than Emeril Lagasse, one day I will wake up and my house will be a gigantic castle filled with butterflies and purple glitter, My husband will write publish and article in JAMA on me being a medical miracle because I am so brilliant and creative, and in the morning, I will come downstairs and be greeted by a hippopotamus named ahboo with that tornado of fur we call a pet never to be found again.
Thanks in advance,
your favorite hippie princess,
Vo0


There was no reply this year due to this being printed out and since "santa" was staying here for Christmas and he came downstairs after I did.

i want to curse but i already cursed at my family enough...

.... so, i'll just sullenly say, "murry chrustmus"

prequel to the letter to santa, 2008

Last year, I couldn't come up with a good Santa letter, so I wrote one about what I was really feeling and it helped me get my thoughts straight enough to do a good letter to Santa. This year, I haven't been focused enough to come up with anything, so I'm going to do the same thing and see if it helps.

Santa,
I don't know how you did it, but you read my mind last year. I asked you for help walking my dog and getting my former students down for a nap, but what I really wanted was for mom to feel better, for my husband and I to have stable jobs and stable housing, and for my Dad to realize how important our silly shopping trip at the end of the year is. I got it all. Thank you.

This year what I want is to be able to do my job well. I want people to understand that I can't do a lot of things, but I'm willing to do anything I can to help you -- whoever you are. I would give almost anything not to make dumb mistakes that cause problems at work. Santa, I have to find a way to stay there-- It's where my heart is.

I also want to be better dog mommy. Most of the time, I just wish that annoying ball of fur would take care of himself or run away to magicdoggieland or something... but he doesn't deserve a mommy who thinks like that.

I want to be a better wife. I bitch about things that are unimportant and say nothing about the things that are. Sometimes, I like conflict for the sake of conflict. My husband doesn't deserve that.

I want SOMEONE to understand that there are some things I am not wired to do-- like error free data entry or remembering to turn of the ligths and lock the doors all the time every time.

I want to not feel like throwing things and hurting people during holiday meals and other gatherings. It seems like no matter what I do, and how I try to scale back, someone ends up getting yelled at. My family and friends don't deserve to be spoken to hurtfully and I don't deserve the stress that leads up to it.

I want to lose my 15 pounds back. Preferably without going back to weight watcher's. Just help me remember what I did then and maybe it will work again.

I also want to stop calling myself a fatso every time i look in the mirror. In fact, can I please just once see a beautiful person... not someone who is too fat or too skinny or who's hair is the wrong length... just plain ol me. In fact, I don't even have to be amazed, I just want to see the real me.... not a different me every day.

And santa, thank you for all the fun I've had this year. I have a unique and amazing job, a husband who's occasionally good at something, lots of good close friends who I don't have to hide from, great dance classes, lots of good food, and tons of amazing opportunities. Thank you.

Christmas with vo0

Turkey? nope
Leftovers? nope
dirty house despite hours of cleaning? check
Sick husband? check
Consuming mass quantities of sweets despite constantly berating myself for being overweight? check
Holiday Meltdown involving cursing at family members? Check
Understanding family who doesn't threaten to take away my presents despite that I don't deserve a bit of them? *sigh* check.

omgthatwasthebusiest3weeksever

I didn't realize until i started telling my mother-in-law what had been happening, but I have had a lot of interesting stuff going on lately.
On the 5th, work had an open house where we let people from the community come in a schmooze and we had little stations set up that explained what we do and we had extravagant food and wine and we had little donation jars set up everywhere, and I actually surprised the hell out of myself. If, you don't know this, I don't know where the hell you've been, but I'm as shy as the day is long, and even more introverted. So, at open house it was my job, along with another CM to stand in her office and tell those who came in what it was that we did.... and I did it.... Nicely and without hesitation. It was fun! I wanted to hide in a corner for the next 2 days, but the open house was what counted, and I handled it well :)

At said open house, magic city chorus mens and women's choirs performed and managed to get about the highest compliment any musican can get from me... closed eyes and a huge smile. They were very good, especially considering a. they do no auditions, screenings, etc. and b. the girls have been together only about 2 months now. I talked to the director at another work related christmas function and he's about as sweet as he can be, and he knows my old choir director from high school, which means he knows his shit as much as it seemed like based on their performance. So... I may end up singing for them... It kind of depends on my schedule.

The next week we had our board party at which I did manage to force myself to have a couple of conversations, but I did not do as swimmingly as at the open house. The board party was fun though because of great food and smiling faces (and that's where I talked to the aforementioned choral director). We have an amazing group of people as board members and staff... it's such a great community.

On that friday, I managed to remove my driver's side car mirror by using this neat trick with leverage and speed and narrow garages. Later that day, we had the staff party at the director's house. Everyone was open and friendly, but no one expected you to mingle opr behave a certain way.. thank god. We all got each other presents, and, I must say, we're all good gift givers. I got a box of what I have been told is extroadinarly decadent chocolate... it may make it's debut at the wine party, if I can stay out of it that long.

That Saturday was my dance performance which was an absolute blast. We did great and, of course, got massive amounts of applause... my husband and my friends said that our dances were the best 2 in the show (personally, I liked one of the modern pieces).

That next week brought funding issues/changes at work which caused me to have a migraine tuesday. Tuesday night, my husband and I went to "Avenue Q" for free because they did a fundraiser for my agency and comped us some tickets. Even though I know all the songs from Avenue Q because my husband fell in love with the soundtrack a couple of years ago, it stillmanaged to be unpredictable and HILARIOUS. There were tears in my eyes most of the itme and I almost came out of my chair 2 or 3 times... and the main girl who did the singing had a hell of a voice. Weds started christmas distrubution for the agency... it was chaos, but it would have been much worse without our wonderful volunteers and our amazing front desk person. Despite all the changes and the lower amount of gifts due to the lower amount of funding, most of the clients were great... a few were upset, but I think it was genuine need and not selfishness that was driving them, for the most part.

This past weekend, we went up to huntsville and saw some friends and caught a hockey game. While we were visint some of said friends, ahboo the wonder dog decided to run away from his nana, which meant we had to leave said friends to go retrieve him *rolleyes*.
Also while we were up there, dad and I did our annual shopping trip to buy mom's christmas presents. The shopping part went pretty easily and didn't take much time, but we sat and Lenny's and had a great many discussions about dogs and work and life, and it was fabulous... I don't think most people could understand how important this silly little day is to me, but I think daddy finally does.

Now, hubby and I are off for 2 weeks straight. YAY!

come see me dance!

I am dancing in Freeform at Children's Dance Foundation tomorrow at 7 and I want as many fans in the audience as possible! The news post suggests reserving tickets, and my teacher said it's probably a good idea.

You may be thinking "Vo0, why are you posting at 8:35 in the morning? you should be driving or working." How perceptive of you! I'm at home.
Now you might be thinking "Vo0 why are you at home at 8:35 on a workday?" Well, it has little something to do with narrow garages and car mirrors and inept female drivers. We'll just leave it at that shall we? Oh, and, shhh, don't tell my husband.

yep.

I'm still here.
























okay, but seriously. I actually have a few things to write about but no time to do it. Between after hours functions at work and dancing in a show, I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I always run around like a chicken with my head cut off at Christmas. The goal this year (as it has been for the last 3 years) is to not turn into Lois Griffin. For the last three years I have felt like screaming at everyone about how Christmas comes out of my holly jolly ass and no one appreciates the effort I put into it. Actually everyone appreciates the effort but they have no idea why i push myself to do so much stuff that I end up wanting to scream. So, I'm trying not to.... but it's hard not to bake everything in the cookbook, and make every craft ever, and go to every event ever. So far, we're okay. I *think* if I make it through the weekend, it will be smooth sailing throughout... Although that kind of depends on some things at work... which could actually get VERY ugly.

frustrating.,,,

Okay. I have ADD. Most of you know this. It's not something I hide, and it's definitely something that shapes my daily behaviour. For the most part, the people I know believe in ADD and belive me when I say i have it. NO ONE will believe me when I say I can't do something that most people can do. They try to figure out what the problem is and help me solve it. IF I KNEW, or even had the slightest clue WHY I can't do fucking data entry, there wouldn't be a problem. I am an expert at finding solutions to al the bizarre little problems that come with being me. In this case, all I know is it doesn't matter what I do, all my data entry has tons of errors and no one believes me that it's possible that I can't fix it.
Believe me, if someone said that shooting heroine while naked and standing on my head would make me able to do my job... i would do it. I am at my wit's end and I just want to do a good job.

To add to it, I just read a bunch of posts on an adult ADD forum which sound a lot like mine... all of which end in getting fired, getting on medication (which i am already on), or getting a new job. *sigh*.

Why can't you try a new medication vo0?
I probably should go back to the doctor and therapist, but time is not something we have a lot of in this job and it is not easy to get an hour or two off to go to the doctor... at least not without feeling guilty for abandoning your co-workers... Being one person short in that job SUCKS and pleaces a lot of extra demands on someone else... even if there is time set aside for you to go to the doctor (or whatever). But you're right, vo0 does need to go back to the doc and possibly the therapist.

Why can't you get a new job vo0? A. I like the place where I work because they're generally encouraging and willing to work with me, except for not believing that I can't do better with data entry... And, Like I said, no one believes me on that one--work people, friends, no one.
B. Tell me one job where data entry isn't critically important C. Tell me one job in alabama where they don't try to fit you into a mold. This is the only one I've had that doesn't. Sure, they want me to do quick and accurate data entry, when I'm really not good at that, but they don't expect me to pretend that sex doesn't exist, that people aren't different, that I'm not the goofy, creative, verbose human being that I am, and they don't expect me to do 203982093489348209348 different things that I am not good at. They're asking me to do a few things I'm good at and one I'm DISMAL at. I actually surprised the hell out of myself: It was "a few things I'm good at and two I'm DISMAL at" (the two primary functions of my job), and one day, one of those things just clicked, and I realized I was doing it. I used to run behind on my appointments very frequently and never be able to get caught up. I don't usually run behind anymore, when I do it's usually due to an external force (people showing up late, computers going down, etc.) , and if I do... I'll be caught up within three appts. I pray every day that this happens with data entry... one day it will click and I will be able to do it with speed every time with a MINIMAL NUMBER OF ERRORS every time.... but i think the click is never going to happen. There's nothing that's going to make it click like appts. The appt speed issue clicked when I had to sign everyone up for christmas... I ran behind that whole month. But when the extra stuff went away, I was no longer running behind all the time, whereas before christmas sign-ups, I had been.

Yes, I'm being a whiny bitch and it probably seems like i'm fishing for sympathy. I'm not. Just someone tell me that you believe me when I say I'm trying my best and I've tried almost everything and I just can't do better, even if what you're saying is a lie.

the birthday trip/wine tour

This weekend I went to New York for the wine tour again. It was a really busy weekend. The condensed version is that I set foot in a church twice in one weekend, ate out a lot drank an ass ton of wine, laughed at a lot of crude comments and lewd stories told on the bus, saw a Batavia, NY local stage production of "Singin' in the rain" and got to meet my adorable 9 month old cousin William. No birthday cake this year and no bus full of people singing me happy birthday, but there were brownies with peanut butter cups and lots of laughter.

My husband gave me a lot more money this year, with the directive to spend it! The answer to "how fast can vo0 spend $280" is "oh, about 6 hours." Yes. I said $280 in six hours. I was directed A. not to worry about the price of things B. to buy what I wanted and C. to get a lot more wine than last year because we had to buy extras for the party. Done, done and done. I even got you snobby assholes some drier stuff too. Actually, I was very surprised to find several things with a residual sugar of 2% or less that I actually liked. It was actually a very positive experience to try some of that stuff. Last year all the dry stuff I tried made me pucker up like a lemon. We went to a different set of wineries this year, and, overall, I liked the wines we tasted at these places better. The only disappointment was the lack of ice wine. I think the weather didn't cooperate for people to be able to make the ice wines, but there were plenty of late harvest wines, and all other manner of dessert and sweeter wines. So there was still plenty for me to be giddy about.

I learned a lot of things about religion, about how families react to marriages breaking up (William's dad is leaving his mom), and wine. But mostly I learned that my mother is getting saucy in her old age. She has a friend who is "explicit" (my mother's words) and a therapist who is open and straight forward. So now I have a mother that says things that are disturbing to hear from your mother. We shall leave it at that because, believe me, you don't want to know. Yes, *I* am opting not to put something in my blog because it's too disturbing. Think about that one for a minute.

anyways, it was fun, and I will probably be posting more specifics about some of the things that i breezed by before. Expect to see evites in the next m onth or so for the party... I think we're doing january again this year

????!

Something happened to me today that has never happened before.
I went into my supervisor's supervisor's office and address some issues with her that I had had with the way she did things. This is never easy for me to do because I hate confrontation and would prefer just to adjust myself to make things work around someone else if possible. In this situation it wasn't a good idea because 1. the issues stem from her reaction to mistakes I can't seem to stop making no matter how hard I try and 2. we function more like a family than your typical workplace since we're so small. We discussed my issues and she really listened and said she would try to watch what she was saying now that she knew how it affects me. We discussed my job and she asked me what I thought about doing some intakes and updates and letting the person who normally does those take on some food appointments. Many days I feel like I am a glorified CSR and data entry clerk. Primarily what i do is get people in the offie, chit chat while I'm filling out forms, get them their stuff and get them out of there. At the end of the day I enter everything I did into the cdomputer system. She knows this and said that she wanted to ask me about doing other types of appointments because she doesn' think that the position wuld be very fulfilling for me. So, let me re-cap. I had a boss offer to change my job duties so that I could be fulfilled in a job. WHAT?! Anywhere else I worked, the conversation would have been about how I need to improve my performance and possible ways I can do that and end in signing a work contract or an improvement plan. More or less "we think you're a nice person and you want to do well, but you're going to have to improve quickly or we're going to tell you not to let the door hit you in the ass on the way out." There would have been no "I think it would be more fulfilling for you to do something else, so I'm going to change your job duties". So, assuming this happens (i have no reason to belive it wont... although it might be a slow process), I think I love my job again ;)

the job quandary

Okay well, the job... people ask me how I like it. That's so not an easy question anymore. There are so many days where if someone said one critical thing to me, I probably would tell them to fuck themselves and then walk out. The job can be absolutely brutal. I see people every 15 minutes all day long. This means that if someone takes 20 minutes, I am behind. I usually stay behind or get further behind until someone decides not to show up. If everyone shows up, I'm behind until lunch. If I'm behind enough at lunch, I may not get to eat. If I get behind after lunch, I may not have enough time to enter my case notes into the computer system before closing. If I don't get that done, then I have to stay late and/or come in early. It is strongly preferred that we finish before we leave. Some days, I stay until sun down and then come back at 7:15 am. Some days when I come in at 7:15, I get behind during the day and end up having to stay until 6. I did this three times in the last week.

Since I have 15 minute appts all day, it doesn't take much to upset the rhythm of the day. If the printer jams while I'm trying to print something that a client needs, it can throw me off for half a day. If the database is down for any period of time, it could throw me off for half a day or more. If something in the database isn't working, it could make an appointment longer than usual, and get me behind, which could result in being off for half a day, not eating lunch, staying late, and all those lovely things i just mentioned. If certain things in the database aren't working for a period of days or weeks, it can put you behind on your entry, which means late nights and/or early mornings to get caught up. The other workers do weekends. I refuse because i have a 45 minute drive and that uses lot of gas, which is not cheap these days.

If I were a casual observer reading this blog, I would wonder why the hell this person was even considering staying at this job. It seems obvious that it's a terrible match and that i'll just continue being frustrated for as long as I am there.

Here's the thing. If I express my frustration with the process, people *try* to give me ideas to help me, or to improve the process. Many places would have fired me at this point, due to the fact that I have such a hard time keeping up during the day and that I make a lot of careless mistakes in my data entry that take someone else a lot of time to fix, among other things. It sometimes seems like these guys dont even look at that as an option. If I'm having an issue, they try to calm me down and then give me suggestions for how to fix the issue or how to look at the issue differently. If suggestions don't work, we re-visit the process. I have had 2 schedule changes now due to feedback I've given my co-workers. Other suggestions i've made about case management have been implemented. Even if we don't implement something, we usually at least discuss it in staff meeting. It's not that often that I hear "I don't want to do that, next!" when I bring something up in staffing. On the occasions that I do, If I ask for justification, I get it. They're constantly trying to make the while process better, especially the database and the entering of case notes. In fact, there are some changes afoot that might make my job go a lot faster and easier, and cut out a lot of those late nights and early mornings. Although, I'm not sure when those changes are coming.

In addition to all that, I love the atmosphere. It's a very open, very come as you are environment. Everyone's happy with you as you are, gay, straight, tense, detailed, laid back, whatever; it's all good. They welcome diversity and embrace different strengths. Our executive director draws during committee meetings and has a magnet sculpture she plays with while she's on the phone. Being around her actually gives me hope that I can do something more if I ever want to. I always drew during class and meetings and got called out for it, but I was always paying attention. It's very encouraging to meet someone who has similar affectations and needs to you who's doing well in life.

Most of the week, I was ready to write up my resignation letter at the drop of a hat and was dreading this weekend because we had our big AIDS walk fundraiser and had to be at work saturday and sunday. The week was brutal, but luckily I had a lot of clients not show up friday, So I got caught up pretty well. Saturday turned out not to be a big deal, especially since I showed up an hour later on accident. Today, I had a lot of fun. Yes, I carried tables and set up tents and picked up trash in the lovely alabama heat, but I met someone who likes to bake as much as I do, I went to lunch and got to know some co-workers who I didn't really know that well, I got to meet a lot of adorable dogs, I got to watch my supervisor and some friends do the electric slide, I got to hear live music, and I got to eat a tasy home made raspberry bar, to name a few things. Best of all, I got to do all this as me. There was no pretending to be someone I'm not or trying my ass off to do something I just don't have the affinity for.

On days like today, I wouldn't trade my job for the world, and it seems like they try to keep a steady flow of those types of days going. In addition to fundraiser events, we have client events and staff development days (which are surprisingly good for the "come as you are" factor).
Let's see, what else is good about my job... It's casual. We wear jeans, curse and don't bat an eyelash when someone mentions sex. In fact, a large part of what we do as an agency is related to sex. We have condoms in ample supply and encourage people to take them. We don't pretend that sex doesn't exist.

As you may recall, on of my major objections to working in alabama was the issue of people trying to pretend that sex either didnt exist or was evil. Another one was having to pretend to be someone I'm not. So, in some very fundamental respects, this is the best job I've ever had, and in others, it's the most brutal and most frustrating.

The FOUR List

This an email my mom sent me, but I thought it might be interesting to post the results here.

A) Four places that I go to over and over: Work, Dance, Whole foods, Publix
B) Four people who e-mail me (regularly): My mother, My husband, My father and My Aunt
C) Four favorite places to eat: Ted's Montana Grill, Frankie's Market Cafe, Wright Dairy Ice Cream, Daylight Donuts
D) Four places I would rather be right now: Beach, Dance, Bead Store, Thrift Store
E) Four people I think will respond: N/A
F) Four TV shows I watch: Breaking Bad, Dexter, Pushing Daisies and Mythbusters

well... his reality's deinfitely not the same as mine...

If you've been on the internet for very long, you've probably heard of the "time cube" website. If not, basically a very angry individual essentially "yells" at you and tells you that your idea of linear time and single existence is evil and stupid while spewing racist ideals and all kinds of great insulting names. Honest Bob and the factory to dealer incentives even made a song about it. Why am I talking about this nonsense? I was looking at the website because i wanted to see how closely it matched the song lyrics, and I found a couple of gems i thought you would enjoy:

"...but instead worship a queer
jew who claims to make people
out of dirt - when the body is 90
percent water. "

"If god is your father, your mother is a whore."

yeah, that's all i got. sorry 8-P

you showed me yours, i'll show you mine: part 4

My husband posted about his favorite rock band songs for every instrument, so I figured I'd post the same. This won't be as boring as you think if you're reading both posts: our picks aren't very similar.

Bass:

• "Shake" by count Zero
• "Here comes your man" by the pixies
• "Dead" by the pixies
• "Red Tandy" by the mother hips
• "Siva" by Smashing pumpkins

guitar: that's the thing that like the bass but makes all those screechy noises, right?

Vocals:

• "Call me" by Blondie
• "Hysteria" by muse
• "Roam" by the B52's
• "Franklin's tower" by the greatful dead
• "Dani California" by the red hot chili peppers
• "maps" by the yeah yeah yeahs

Drums:
uhhhhh

Since there's a lack of information under some of those instruments, I thought I'd add something:

List of songs I'd love to see in rock band/rock band 2 but probably never will

• "Pot Kettle Black" by tilly and the wall (yeah, given that my husband and I are one of the few people who even know who they are, I'm gonna say this one is never going to be a possibility)
• "Be invisible" by EatLiz (even less people know them than Tilly and the Wall)
• "Not a Virgin" and "Trigger Happy Jack" by Poe (how could they pick garbage and hole but overlook Poe?)
• "Bulls on Parade" by rage against the machine (rally round the family)
• "Kissing Families" by Silversun Pickups (they're in rock band 2, but this is an older song of theirs that probably not enough people would know)
• "Take me out" or ANYTHING by Franz Ferdinand ("The Dark of the matinee" comes to mind as well)
• "Welcome to the Jungle" and "Sweet Child of Mine" by Guns & Roses
• "Voodoochile Blues", "Fire", "Red house", and "purple Haze" by jimi hendrix (okay fine, anything by Hendrix that's not crosstown traffic)
• And actually, some people may call me a blasphemous whore for this, but I would totally be cool with the Stevie Ray Vaughan version of Vo0do0chile blues
• "In the sunshine of your love" by cream
• "Hey you" by pink floyd
• "Stairway to heaven" by zeppelin

margaret HOLY SHIT cho

Stardome brought margaret cho in and they're giving $2 of every ticket to my ASO (my job). Since they were nice enough to do this for us, the boss asked as many people as possible to go and reserved 3 tables. Chris and I went, and... I can't decide what was better: her calling Jesus a "bottom"; her impression of a gay man eating pussy, the "eat me out" song she sang at the end, or the part of the show when she bared her back so we could all see her glorious tattoos.

random favorites

1. favorite chocolate chips - Sunspire semi-sweet organic chocolate chips. These blow nestle's out of the water and I would put them up against girardehli any day.
2. favorite blog - The Bovine Bugle. Yes, i know it's a blog about cows. Yes, it's interesting. Seriously, it's a blog by a farmer on one of the farms that supplies to stonyfield yogurt. I can't say why it's entertaining to read about maple syrup production and shoring up fences so cows don't run away, but it is.
3. favorite new band - Eat Liz. My husband found them on The Sixty one, a great little indy music site. It's different from the others, but I'm lazy and you can read.
4. favorite banana bread/muffin recipe - Banana Crunch Muffins from kraft. I made 2 modifications: 1. I used all whole wheat pastry flour and 2. (this is the important one) I used grape nuts trail mix cranberry crunch instead of regular grape nuts. This was, hands down the best banana muffin I've ever had. I would say "banana bread" except that a recipe this low in fat doesn't cook all the way through if you do it in a loaf pan.
5. favorite choreographer/teacher - Margie Cole. Honestly, I have never seen a performance by her because I always have some excuse about time or money (I miss about every dance performance there is because of this), but I've taken classes from her twice and they're my favorite, hands down. I've taken lots of master classes from people on all levels in all disciplines of dance (tap, jazz, modern, ballet, lyrical and even belly dance), and she blows them all away--even Savion Glover's brother.
6. favorite dessert recipe - chocolate lava cakes. It speaks for itself.

An interesting twist

I'm not sure when or why Pixar switched from a company who makes cute, technologically advanced film about toys and super heroes to a company who makes gorgeous movies about dying Americana and the wastefulness of the human race, but I like it. WALL-E definitely featured the best animation I've ever seen in any application (a lot of it barely even looked rendered). The plot was cute, but not ridiculous, and it managed to tackle some major issues. All without any real dialogue for about an hour of the movie.... which actually really added to the charm and realism of the movie. Even if you don't like animated flicks, you should go see this one. Pixar movies usually entertain me from start to finish, but this one had me absolutely entranced. There were several spots where I was on the edge of my seat, and a few where I was misty-eyed... from a cartoon. They did an amazing job, and I hope it goes up for a few awards this year.

why?

Vo0, why are you up at 1 in the morning, you may ask?
I'm making a cake. What else would I be doing? except maybe making jewelry or bitching up a storm, of course. I would show you pictures of the cake, but my mini usb cables are all hiding from me. That's okay, i want to take one more after we cut it anyways :)

see ya

moving tomorrow. see you bitches in a week or two when we get net in the new house.

words should go here but i dont know what to say

um...

unusual but awesome

So I was walking in wal-mart with a scowl on my face mumbling something under my breath because it was 7 on a thursday and i was out buying cleaning supplies so i could go home and wipe the counters down before i got down on my hands and knees to srub the awful kitchen floors when this woman i've never seen before touched me on the shoulder and said "you should always smile, you're really pretty." I wasn't sure whether i should question her sanity or give her a big hug, So i just said "thank you" instead.

holy crap... some people jsut have too much time on their hands

if you think that this is cool. Wait 'til you see this.
wow.

Come out Come otu wherever you are...

My husband and I are now on the hunt for the perfect house to buy. We were going to rent, but we figured out very quickly that a good rental house in the neighborhoods we wanted to be in would cost us more than a mortgage, so we decided to try to buy instead. I'll spare you all the mundane details of financing and all that nonsense, but I wanted to show you the top three of the ones we went to see with the Realtor yesterday.

This one's in Chelsea (near where we live now). It's probably my third place if we don't take into account location or pricing.

This one's in Helena, which is a nice area, but it's a ways out from where both of us work, although it's very convenient to the highway. The cool thing about this one is that the current residents finished off a little attic space and made it into like a guitar studio/music room... which we could use for the same thing or I could use for a craft room. This is probably my first place not taking price or location into account.


This one's in alabaster, which is a long ways from anything except alabaster (actually it's not too far from the helena/pelham area). There's plenty of civilization in the alabaster area, which was one of my big concerns. This is a very close second if we don't take location and price into consideration.

If we had to buy one of those three right now, I'd probably be happy. But since we don't, Were going to go look at about 8 more houses next weekend because I'm sure the realtor wants to do nothing more than spend another 4.5 hours with us on a weekend. Hopefully we can either make a decision or get it narrowed down far enough that we just need to visit two or three one more time before we make the decision. I'll keep you posted.

since my life is boring, i'll post about movies

Whitey and I have a subscription to netflix, and we watch a fuckton of movies sometimes. We watch a lot of things that the average person has not heard of, and some of them are definitely worth a look. Here's a few we've seen over the years that bear mentioning:
Love me if you dare: It's a french subtitled flick... oh go read the damn description already. Definitely worth a watch, and it's a great date night movie.

Punch Drunk Love: This is one of the strangest movies I've ever seen, and one of the best. For those of you who clicked on the link and went "oh, an Adam Sandler movie", you couldn't be further from right. Adam Sandler is indeed in the movie, but this is parsecs away from your usual goofy, slapstick comedy or goofy romantic comedy. It's a romantic drama with a quirky and violent sense of humor and... well fuck it's hard to describe.

The Darjeeling Limited:
This is the most recent in Wes Andersen's Short but brilliant career as a writer/director. A lot of people said this didn't live up to their expectations, but this is my favorite Wes Andersen film. If you're not familiar with Wes Andersen's work, think of a quirky version of reality where Owen Wilson actually fits in and makes sense. I can't stand Owen Wilson in any movie except Wes Andersen movies. In your average movie, Owen makes my skin crawl; I want to walk up and hit him in the face with a two by four for being a quirky, ridiculous dumbass. In Wes Andersen's movies, he is exactly the kind of quirky, ridiculous dumbass that carries the movie and makes the whole fucking thing work. Go figure.

The life Aquatic with Steve Zissou: Another one of Wes Andersen's bizarre and brilliant movies. This one is about Some guys at sea searching after a mystical tiger shark or something. Doesn't make sense? Don't worry, Wes Andersen's premises almost never do. Apparently they don't have to.

Bottle Rocket: Yep, I'm all about kissing Wes' ass today. This is his first movie. It's about... I don't know what the fuck it's about. All I know was when I saw the opening credits I said "Oh my god, two Wilsons in the same fucking movie? This is going to be awful!" and It was ridiculously entertaining.

Run Lola Run: This is a Funky and bizarre movie that highlights how the slightest change in timing or the littlest decision can affect anything and everything in your life. It is short, fast paced, has a girl with pink hair, and a has great soundtrack.

Amelie: This is one of those brilliant and odd little films you don't easily forget. Amelie is about a strange young lady who likes observing behavior in people but hates interacting the conventional sense and how she eventually finds her place in the world.

That's all for now :)

now it's time for one of those posts that my friends owuld call "entertaining"

It is 3 am. I am awake. Why am I awake you might ask? Because the stress and running around cause by the combination of incompetent office staff who motherfucking double book clubhouses that residents went through the proper fucking channels to reserve, and throwing the motherfucker blowout of all baby showers has caused the entities that live in my muscles in my feet and legs to mutiny.

I laid down to sleep around 11:30 and passed out pretty solidly. Only to be woken up about a half hour later by a cramp in my arch. I stood up to remedy said cramp and the fairies on the tops of my feet decide to wack me with their magic wands which caused the muscles to clench up to the point that my toes on one of my feet were no longer together in quite the same position they had been. So I roll my ankle around to loosen up those muscles and the little elves inside my calves all punch me at the same time. somehow I manage to quiet all the mythical creatures in my legs. I lay back down and a half hour later the demons in my arches stick their lovely little pokers in my muscles again. Rinse. Repeat... 5-10 times between 11:30 and 2 am. Seriously.

At 2 am, I decided to give up trying to appease the faeries and demons and just fucking drown them. Took a nice hour long bath during which I had minimal problems. Go to get out of the tub and apparently demons don't drown. But MAYBE... everything else did and I can get some fucking sleep.
see you assholes in the morning. ;)

You showed me yours, i'll show you mine, part 3 or "I'm not a parent, but i like to think i know more than most parents do"

This blog is me usually spouting some nonsense about something I probably know nothing about and pretending like I am God's gift to whoever needs the "information" I'm giving out. Today I am God's gift to parents (and those who would be buying them gifts) who are shopping for a new baby. And yes, I do realize that my timing is amazing because most of my friends have already had their showers and/or their kids. Oh yeah, you should check out my friend David's list, because he brings up some good things that I don't here, and because he actually really is a parent and not someone who pretends to be one on occasion when she needs the money.
Boppy:
A breastfeeding pillow that can be used for breastfeeding, bottle feeding, laying young babies down on the floor (gives them stability and holds their head above their feet), and even propping up the book you're enjoying while the baby is asleep (which helps you keep good posture). Honestly, I've heard mixed reviews of these because some people feel like they just get in the way. I personally cannot live without them when I work in infant 1.
Bumbo Seat: A seat that makes it so even very young babies can sit up. This is great for babies of all ages. It gives the little ones, time sitting up and looking at the world around them, and as they get older, they can do fun things like sit up and feed themselves (once they learn how to hold the bottle).
Bouncy Seat:These things are lovely for calming babies down, getting them to sleep, entertaining young babies, and keeping them contained for a while.
It Swings Both Ways DUDE! Okay, lame jokes aside, this is a great baby swing. You can switch it to swing both side to side and front to back, and this model has a cute little spinning mobile with music. The music on this one is actually kind of cool compared with other mobiles, and even if it drives you nuts, babies seem to dig the midi file quality music you get from mobiles and such.
I know fuck all about bottles. And anyways, each baby had their own distinct style and way of feeding, and it really seemed to be more up to the need/style of the kid and the parents. Pacifiers are the same way.
Sippy Cups: There are a few that i like, so here are the ones I dig the most after having worked with them. I dig them because they're easier for the munchkins to hold, they're durable, and they have a good valve/lid system. In my opinion, the valve/lid system is essential to a good sippy cup because it helps prevent spills if the kid decides to shake the cup or something. If it doesn't have a valve, it needs to have a lid design that would make it difficult to throw milk everywhere.
Nuby;
handles, no valve, good lid design
Nuby; handles, no valve, good lid design
Playtex; No handles, valve and good lid design
Playtex; Handles, valve and good lid design

Bibs:
for younger ones, a soft terry cloth bib of any kind will work just fine, because the bib will pretty much be acting as a burp cloth that's always attached to the baby. You don't want anything too fancy because it will just get ruined anyways.
For older infants and Toddlers, the best thing since sliced bread are bibs with BIG pockets.
I personally prefer the kind that have snap pockets that are nice and deep. Of course, I can't locate my favorite kind on the web, but these look nice l and are a product of a smaller business (instead of wal-mart, like the kind I'm used to). These are also good and easy to wash off, but the fastener on these is actually a little loose and don't stay together as well as snaps

Music:
let me say that I personally find a lot of children's music fucking annoying, so I'll try to only make recommendations of albums that will get on your nerves the 500th time instead of the 3rd.

They might be Giants, a long time favorite of both me and my husband, have put out four children's albums now. We both think they're good, musically viable albums, but they also happened to be geared towards children (the 123's is the only one I haven't heard)

Laurie Berkner. I have only heard her album "Buzz, Buzz", but if her other albums are half as good, then you should buy every last one. I would honestly put Buzz, Buzz on my mp3 player if it wouldn't get me a lot of strange looks. Her style reminds me a lot of Indigo Girls, but it's very child appropriate. I am still mourning the loss of our classroom copy of this CD, which broke a few months ago.

Catch the moon by Lisa Loeb. This is a soft playtime or naptime CD of classic children's songs as done by the lovely ms. Lisa Loeb. I have always been a fan of Lisa's style, and this has a nice, soothing sound, without being dull or lethargic (as sleepytime children's CD's often can be).

Chickens on vacation by Rick Charette. I found this one at the public library when I was teaching aerobics to preschoolers. This CD definitely has a more "kid oriented" sound, but it is very much still musically viable, and a lot groovier than most kids CDs.

Yummy Yummy by the Wiggles. This is by far the classroom favorite and has been for at least two classes now. It is more kid oriented and less musically complicated than the other Cd's I listed here, but it's fun, it's not annoying until at least the 200th time, it's got some good lessons in it, and the kids go fucking nuts over it.

Oh, I should explain what I mean by "musically viable". Well, I think that good music has certain elements, such as originality, variety, catchiness, style, etc. I believe that these albums have those elements and I'm not just saying they're "good" because the kiddos/teachers like them.

So um this um... yeah, this is all :)

I forgot to mention that part where I was a fucking moron and smashed my car into someone else's

Oh my god. I'm stupid. and Traffic Sucks.
I um was like on the phone on Friday and like stopped at a stop sign and like looked and apparently like missed the big silver car barreling down the one way street and um we smacked cars. Actually it is my opinion that I did stop and adequately look and that she was probably going hella fast, BUT my opinion is rendered invalid by the fact that I was on the phone regardless of the fact that I really and truly have no problem being on the damn phone when I'm driving. I can't prove that being on the phone doesn't impair me, and therefore, when the girl called a friend and bitched that I was on my "goddamn cellphone", there wasn't much I could say (not that I would think it wise to argue with someone who is angry about a car wreck).

So anyways, I'm fine. MY neck was sore and I wanted to do nothing but lie in bed and eat chocolate until i threw up on Saturday because I was rather freaked out, but Whitey wouldn't let me do that, so I made it through the weekend and it was all good. I'm still a little skiddish in the car, but I'm fairly calmed down unless there's someone else in there with me. Seeing Adam and Brandy on Friday and going out on saturday and going to see vermillion lies on sunday all helped cure the emotional owies.
OF course, so did the massive quantities of chocolate I've consumed in the last five days. I don't know how I'm going to unspoil myself-- desserts are tasty damnit!

Oh so back to the car... My neck is fine and the car is reparable and I have rented a car (out of my own pocket) so that Neither me or Whitey ends up being stranded when we need something.
Oh, I forgot the part about having to appear in court because Geico is a bunch of FAGGOTS and didn't send our proof of insurance, so I didn't have it to show to the nice officer (he really was nice) when he asked me for it.... #$#@%^^%#&!#@#$#$%@#

no, I don't care if you think this is a lame update

read this21

The new job?..... Hooooooooooooooooooooly Damn

So let's see, the highlight of my first day on Wednesday was when two of my (gay male) coworkers started jokingly calling each other disparaging for females. "Bitch!" "Slut!" "whore!" "Hahaha, oh wait I shouldn't say that one because I might offend both of them" (me and another fairly new female co-worker). The highlight of the second day was when one of my co-workers (the same one who almost said whatever evil word it was he didn't want to offend me with) was carrying a mattress in and said to a client "I know what you're thinking and that's not it." To which the client replied "well, I heard you walk around with one of those strapped to your back."
I think this will be a hell of a lot of fun, and I have actually enjoyed every second of the insanity. I wonder if i should join the crowd and start cursing like a sailor, or I should enjoy the tap dance they try to do around me and see how long I can stretch that out for.

The only problem is going to be that once I start cursing, I will *still* have to censor myself to some degree because one of my favorite derogatory terms is faggot. In my house, everything's a faggot when I'm mad at it. If I called people or things faggots at work, this could be grossly misinterpreted. I, of course, mean nothing by it. I think it's hilarious that people have a problem with men who sleep with other men, which is why I think it's such a funny word.
What the fuck is with our societal hang up on words anyways. Word only have the power we give them. So, like, if we don't get offended by a word, it's not offensive.

anyways, that's the update on the new job. I totally think I am going to like it there.

TMBG in BHM

I almost didn't make it to the they might be giants concert last night because I was feeling shitty. Boy am I glad that afternoon nap made me feel better because I would have missed the best version of Istanbul I've ever heard in any live performance or recording. The whole concert was great, but even if most of it had been horrible, it would have been worth it to sit through it to hear that version of Istanbul.

yum

i forgot to mention that Tuesday there was peanut butter chocolate cheesecake consumed in celebration of the new job. YUM!!!!!

this is why his games get game of the year

so, the setup is that Joystiq asked several game developers at GDC an obnoxious question based around the silly things adventure games make us do. The responses varied from actually trying things to "I'd turn off the computer"; And then there's this. Tim Schaeffer, creator of Psychonauts gave a thoroughly amazing and entertaining answer. You have to read this.

"No! I don't Accept This!"

...Is the reaction I got when I turned in my two weeks notice and told my boss I was going to a new job. What I wanted to do was put on my best Cartman voice and say "screw you guys, I'm going home", but I was gracious and told them how much I would miss them and the babies (I definitely will) and answered questions for the next 10 minutes about why I was leaving and if there is anything they could have done better, etc.
I spent the rest of the day working up the nerve to tell people I was leaving. I actually have left jobs where only a handful of people knew I was leaving and all but one of them was staff (this was at another daycare). So, i decided it would be bad if that happened here. I didn't realize how many people would be really upset by it. know i work hard and i try to be nice, but i know i can be a little umm overwhelming or plain out obnoxious sometimes.
A couple of people when I said "i have news" said "you're pregnant?" to which i politely said no instead of going "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW" and proceeding to gag for the next ten minutes, which is what my true reaction really would be if I wasn't trying to be polite to all those lovely people in the building who have children.
I promise you that when i tell Tina (who used to work in my room with me), this is going to be her first reaction, even if she doesn't think it's true, just because she likes to see me get my feathers all ruffled. Actually, I love Tina and i have no concept of how I'm going to say this to her.
I will definitely miss my co-workers and my babies,
but seriously, fuck them, I'm going somewhere where I can act like an adult.

a good sign?

I got home today and had 2 messages on grand central. from the place I interviewed. One at about 1 and one at about 5:20 (probably meaning she was trying to catch me on my lunch break and then after work). I kept my phone on and in my pocket all day, but that building is a Bermuda triangle for cell signals (and i spent most of my lunch indoors). Since she called grand central, I didn't know about the messages until i read my email because grand central messages are on a seperate system from verixon voice mail so the phone didn't pop up and go "HAY VO0 CHECK YOUR MESSAGES!!!!" when I walked outside. So, tonight I set grand central to text message me when I get a voicemail, so tomorrow, if I'm in the building when she calls it will go "HAY VO0, YOU HAVE A MESSAGE" when I walk out to take the kids to the playground or go to my car.

So I think these messages are a good sign, especially considering that she left her cell phone number for me in one of them (unfortunately, she did not answer her cell phone when I called at 7).
I'll let you know tomorrow. (I wish anyone in that building were awake functioning before 8... but they don't even get into work until 9)

hmm...

still no word from the job i interviewed for. I'm a little annoyed but not surprised. Should I call monday, or wait until next wednesday or thursday?
The next question is about another interview. A place that i applied to like 2 or 3 weeks ago called wednesday and said "call by thursday at 5 pm if you want to interview". Then when I claled and left a message saying I wanted to and for them to leave me a time, she called back and said "well, the only time we have left is...." This annoys me and makes think i'm an afterthought. The issue with this is that we are past the time that I can ask for that day and time off, so I would have to essentially call in and say my car broke down or something. I don't necessarily mind this, but I don't think it's a good idea to keep doing things like this because 1. I have no desire to shaft my current employer (dhr has strict rules about how many teachers there have to be based on the number of children in the building) and 2. I have no desire to become unreliable enough that they want to fire me. I want to go when I'm ready. Obviously, I'll call and ask if they can change the interview to a time that works better for me. But if not, i'm not sure what I'll do.
It would really fucking help if the other place would tell me yes or no.

In other news...

I called the prospective employer today and they said they should have a decision tomorrow or so.
Also, I don't know if i mentioned, but last Tuesday they fired the director at our daycare center, which left me very glad I had interviews. However, we had a meeting this Monday where the interim associate directors (formerly the interim assistant director and the administrative/financial person) emphasized that they wanted to be sure that we were getting the information we needed in a timely manner. This made us all feel much better because before we were the LAST to know everything, including things like mandatory trainings (i found out about one that was outside of work hours the morning of the training), and children being moved out of/into our room (kind of important).
So, hopefully I get the new job, but if I don't maybe the changes at work won't be such a bad thing.

My technology update is better than yours

Like my friend, Bill, I am going to feature a technology today. I can promise you mine is cooler than anything he ever posted ever thought of being. Game controllers with the sensors on the boobies and crotch. That's right, it's an intimate touch video game. Seriously.

"'Intimate Controllers' is a platform where video games are played by couples touching each other. The platform consists of two controllers, a bra for the female player and boxer shorts for the male player. Each controller is embedded with 6 sensors placed with varying degrees of intimacy in relation to the body part with which they correspond. Players must pass game levels together and in doing so, game play results in increasingly intimate positioning."

teehee boobs and crotches and S-E-X. OMG!




















































































hehehehe boobs.

yes, i'm sure, i don't want us to be parents

recently i've been getting asked about having kids a lot and when i say i no and explain why i hear :but you guys owuld be great parents." Sure, we both are smarter than the average bear, and i was raised in a pre-school and a good portion of my college time was spent on child development, and i've worked in day cares, but I would be a terrible mom. There are only so many times i can be woken up by a screaming baby, told "go do it now" by a two year old, or listen to a 6 year old incessantly whining about how the girl in the class that they were best friends with yesterday said something about my kid's hair and now my kids hates her, before I fucking backhand them through a window. Interactions with children in daycare are time limited and they involve me getting money. Interactions with my own children never fucking end and I sure as fuck don't get any money in return for it. If I hate having a dog as much as i do solely because he interrupts my shit, then I don't see how me having a kid is an improvement on this.
For me, having a kid would be like leaving work and then coming home to a harder job. I would lose my mind within three months. And i don't mean the cute kind of "lose my mind" where i storm out and call a couple people fuckfaces and then walk back in an hour or a day later and everything is okay. I mean the kind where I throw something on a regular basis for a month or two and then end up in a psychiatric ward somewhere for something.
Contrary to popular belief, just because I can pretend to be mentally stable long enough to take care of other people's kids, doesn't mean I am.
Working in daycare or social services is extrememly stressful and the only way i can get through it is that I go home at night and listen to music that has nothing to do with children and watch shows about doctors who make buttsex jokes and go do whatever the hell I want with no detours or interruptions (save the dog). The thing you learn in jobs like this is that you can't "bring your work home" with you.
If I were a parent, the work would be fucking waiting for me.
BLeah.

hurry up and tell me im worthless already.

i did not hear from the job. I am convinced this means they hired someone else and think I am the most worthless human they have evr met. Whitey says i should calm the fuck down and wait until lunch time wednesday and call them (they said they would get back to me this past friday or today). I think i'll die of high blood pressure or anticipationitis or something by then. Blah.

why yes, i was crossbred with a dragon

I had my third interview at the aids outreach place and haven't heard back from them yet. They said I would hear Friday or Monday, and I didn't hear Friday, so I am now certain that they wioll not call me and that I am the worst interviewer in the world. I am now also certain that anyone who contradicts me on this point should be prepared to get their biscuits burned and their head eaten. Especially those who are loving and well intentioned.

Cross your fingers....

The second interview with the AIDS outreach place went very well and the lady said she is going to recommend that the executive director interview me. She said she hopes they make me an offer. :)

update

i feel compelled to update. I don't know why because it's only been a couple of days and there's not much to say, but I'll attempt to say something in my half-awake state. Then I need to go to bed.
Last weekend I cooked dinner for Chris as his Valentine's present. The piece de resistance was Molten lava cake sundaes. The "meltdown" or "lava" style cakes are ridiculously easy to make, and I personally think mine was as good as any you can get at a restaurant (good quality ingredients are the KEY in that recipe). Afterwards we watched a very well done french "romantic comedy" type movie called Love me if you dare. Actually, that description makes it sound really cheezy, and it's not. It's not an art film, but there was definite attention paid to the artistry and creativity, I wouldn't call it a comedy but it's very funny in some places, and I wouldn't call it a romance type movie, but it's definitely a love story, albeit a complicated one. I had never heard of this one before I picked it up from the library just based on the description on the box, but I'm glad I took a chance on it.
Whitey's Valentines present to me was to go out to the village tavern Wednesday. I had grilled tilapia with chardonnay butter sauce MMMMMMMMMMMM mmmmmmm. I love that place.

In other news, I have a second interview for a social services position at an aids outreach place on monday. How, I'm going to swing this, I don't know. I have time off from work to do it, but the interview is in the middle of the day. I am taking an extra long lunch that day for a "doctor's appointment". The difficulty is that I need to leave work in jeans and sneakers and return in jeans and sneakers, but somehow get into a suit and mary janes and look professional in the middle... not to mention fitting lunch in there somewhere.

in other news, the dog is still pooping.

That's all for now.

Why bother?

Why is it that I have to write a letter explaining why I am good for a job, making sure to use interesting language and prefect grammar, update a resume' and check it for grammar, shop for the perfect suit, make sure said suit is not wrinkled, be sure to remove any jewelry that would be considered "too much", sit through an long interview during which I have to carefully choose every word I say and behave like the perfect employee, hand write a thank you note, and re-write said thank you note 1-3 times to even have a prayer of maybe getting a job that doesn't involve cleaning up poop or puke most days. It's not necessarily that I mind all this trouble, it's that once i get hired on, they will expect me to do everything just well enough and pretend that I know what I'm doing in the interest of time and quantity instead of letting me take the time to actually do things as thoroughly as I feel I should. Why should I have to give %250 to get the job when what they expect of me once I have it is 80% (or less, depending on the job) at a quick rate? What always happens is, they hire me, I'm too slow and not at all what they need for the job and they either end up firing me or doing work plans and training sessions and such to help me. If you're gonna make me work that hard to get the job in the firt place, then let me work that hard on the job. If you're only gonna expect 80% of me when I get on the job, then let a few typos in my resume' slide damnit.

join the BANDwagon (i'm clever)

My friend Adam posted a thing about a "meme" to make your own fake band. I'm too lazy to explain it all, so just click the damn link already. Anyways, I was just going to look and see what the randomness would create for me and wasn't planning on posting about it or doing anything with it, but the combination I got was too good to pass up.



Btw, I should give
this guy the credit he is due for that incredible picture.

you showed me yours, i'll show you mine.... part deux

since David shared some of his musical interests in his blog, I thought I might share a couple of mine.
The first one is two ton boa, who we saw opening for the Dresden dolls on jan 8th this year. Honestly, I never take much stock in an opening band, but thought maybe I'd give them at least half a listen when Amanda Palmer from the dolls felt the need to take time out of getting ready for the show and introduce them personally in her bathrobe. The band walked out on stage and this tiny 5'4" in heels girl walks out and grabs a bass and a mic. Whitey and I both think "how cute, a girl in a rock band." The tiny, cute girl proceeds to unleash a voice on us the likes of which I have never heard before. Combine the insane voice with a funky experimental rock sound, and you get the uhh... unique (for lack of a more descriptive word) sound that is two ton boa. Oh yeah, they use two bases a keyboard and drums... no guitar.


So next is The Dresden Dolls, who I've been in love with for like 4 years now. Honestly, it took a while at first for me to get into them because their music is very intense and odd. It's absolutely beautiful, but it's a very dark and complicated beauty. So, anyways, lest I ramble on and bore you with a thousand stories about how much I want to fuck the lead singer, lemme just embed the damn video.


Next is a group the SA goons turned us onto called Tilly and the Wall. It's offbeat mostly folk sounding music with some rock and ethnic influences... and oh yeah, the majority of the percussion is done by a tap dancer. I don't just like this one because I happen to be a tap dancer. I think their sound is amazing... the fact that it's done by a tap dancer makes it that much more amazing for me.


Next is Imogen Heap, who it's quite possible you've heard of, but she's still off a few people's radars, so I thought I give her some props here. Anyone who knows my musical taste will find it obvious why I like her (piano, a little electronic sound, and an unusual but gorgeous voice for those of you who don't know). I'm giving her a commercial vid because this is what i think of as her true sound. The live stuff you can find on you tube is great, too though, just a different sound.


Last but not least (at least until I decide I've forgotten someone else extraordinary) is the lovely miss Vienna Teng, who had a well paying job as a software engineer for sisco systems and then quit after 2 years to have a music career. If you go here, there's an archive of numerous live performances. It is actually listening here that I fell in love with Vienna's music. Those who know my musical tastes will again know exactly why I like her about 10 seconds into the video (good piano player, good voice, not completely traditional).

blah

I am sick. I do not like this being sick.
I especially do not like this being sick and not getting better. I really especially do not like this being sick and not getting better when it involves waking up at 3 in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep. I really especially do not like this being sick and not getting better when it involves waking up at 3 in the morning and not being able to get back to sleep when I have no tell-tale signs that the doctor can latch onto such as a fever.
I do not like this being sick.

Revelations while watching a DVD

So we were watching a Dresden Dolls DVD, and, per usual, Amanda was making all kinds of complicated grimaces while singing and playing on the piano. I saw her face, and said "I want to live there". However, I didn't mean it in the usual sense. She lives in a world of complicated, dark beauty where artistry reigns unchallenged and crazy is the law of the land. I want to just let my creativity and chaos run and see what happens. I want to live in a "world" where I can be me: dark, cynical, complicated and sparkly almost all the time. I want to know what I can do when I use everything I have and everything I am and don't accept anything less than 150%.
The real world has no time for 150% and doesn't understand people who strive for it above all things. It wants someone who can produce reasonable quality results as quickly as possible. It wants someone who will fill a mold.
I'm not that person, and, some days, I get tired of trying to be that person. I want to be me. I know most people just suck it up and live in the real world day to day and live in crazy-land as a hobby. I just want to know why I should strain and strive to be mediocre in a normal job and a normal life, when I could be amazing if I lived in a cave and worked on whatever idea came into my head--be it a dance, a song, a music video, a teaching curriculum, a form for an office, etc.
Yes, I sound like a whiny emo goth fag, and I won't deny it. I may sound like I want to be lazy and use being a whiny emo goth fag as an excuse to get out of doing any real work. This isn't true. I work really damn hard at everything I do. I want to be excellent at everything I do. However, this rarely works out because the task and I just don't fit. I would love to be able to say "Here I am and this is what I have, and if you don't like it, I don't care; I'm going back to my cave to make something else amazing." I just want to be able to say "here I am, and here's what I can do, and here's how I like to do it", and have someone say "wonderful!" instead of "okay, well that's not fast enough and we really don't like to do things that way and, by the way, do you have experience herding goats through the himalayas because we have to do that quite often here even though we're not goat herders and we live in the middle of Alabama."
I know that I can improve my skills and learn how to herd goats and stop being a perfectionist and stop being a whiny cunt when a co-worker points out a problem, but, all that aside, most days I would rather be a brilliant crazy person than a passable social worker who can herd goats.

Yeah, I definitely want to live there.

i am so awesome i should have a "best of"

or rather, i realized i don't update often enough so I figured I'd update some of the newer viewers of the blog and remind you old faithful ones of some of my more brilliant literary works.
"random rant" from June 2005
"why i gave my ass to science from July 2005
my "guide to people who watch porn but are still virgins" from July 2005
my "guide for girls who read romance novels but are still virgins" from July 2005
"On Euphemisms" from july 2005
"jenga" from January 2006
"Everything I need to know I learned from my dog" from may 2006
"it's been 8 long years" from June 2006
"he knows if you've been bad or good", My 2006 Christmas letter to santa and his reply

I am no longer an atheist

We just went to the Dresden dolls concert at Workplay. I think my only memory for the rest of my life will be of Amanda Palmer in thigh high bitch boots, a long pinstriped skirt, and a black lacy bra. Yep. she stripped off her shirt to do the encore songs. There is definitely a God.