He knows if you've been bad or good...

So even though I found out when I was like 9 or 10 that Santa isn't real, I have written him letters almost every year. It usually involves some ludicrous request like a hippopotamus, a lemur or getting to decide who lives and who dies. Sometimes Santa replies and sometimes he does not. The year I asked for tamarins Dad/Santa sent me a slew of links to zoo websites with pictures of the cute little things. This year his reply was classic so I thought I would share it with you.

My Letter to Santa
This year for Christmas I want you to give me wand that will make the dog disappear until I wave it again. Either that or replace the oatmeal in his brains with a Intel Xeon EM64T 3.8 Irwindale 3.8GHz 2MB L2 Cache Socket 604 Active. I would also like a wand that makes my husband do whatever I want-- even if it worked half of the time, I could at least get some peace and quiet and a meal that i didn't cook every once in a while ;) . Also, I want a fruit leather wand that turns any fruit i touch with it into tasty fruit leather. Oh, and maybe you could get my husband some coal and a chocolate bar or something since he has managed to listen to me on one or two occasions this year.
Thanks in advance.

Love and Kisses,
--Hillary (the most patient, non-naggy, unobtrusive wife and dog mother ever)


Santa's Reply to Me
Hillary

I did some checking on that nice dog of yours and found out that even though it may seem like oatmeal occupies his anatomy the Intel Xeon EM64T 3.8 Irwindale 3.8GHz 2MB L2 Cache Socket 604 Active is nothing compared to his real pedigree. Seems his mom and dad spent a good bit of time hanging around a place called Alien Ware - he told me that you MIGHT have heard of that place and that you would never be able to guess his real processor but if you follow the technology news at all you will hear about it in a few more years.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Claus found out about those special wands for use on husbands and she is either keeping them for herself or going into business on the side again - based on some of her past behavior if you're really interested in getting one I'd advise you to check ebay later today. You'll probably want to use the "buy it now" option cause once wives start bidding on those things no tellin what will happen with prices - even if they don't work half the time ! As a mater of fact one of her last ventures was trying to make moccasins from some kind of fruit leather - so if a designer pair of slippers from banana and pineapple sounds ok we might be able to do something there.

For your husband chocolate I can do but coal is being phased out very fast

- old technology, too many darn new regulations and not so environmentally friendly I'm told.

How about a cold fusion kit or hydrogen fuel cell instead ?

SC