Everything I need to know I learned from being a dog owner....

1. You can lick anything if you are fast enough.
2. You can stick your nose in anyone's crotch if you are cute enough.
3. Asses smell like daisies.
4. You can poop anywhere you want to if you look sad enough afterwards.
5. Walking around in public with your genitalia sticking out is quite attractive.
6. Anything I can't have is automatically cooler than the nice things I'm given.
7. Sleeping in a wire box isn't so bad if you have someone to wait on you hand and foot.
8. I can get as many cookies as I want as long as I wiggle my butt and do what people say.
9. Foam Rubber is tasty.
10. The sound of squeaking is better than the pixies, tori amos, or even the philharmonic.
11. Carpet is not merely a floor covering, it is a long string waiting to be liberated from the confines of oppression under the feet of men.
12. Everything is better with a hole in it.