As you probably know, you can opt to be an organ donor when you get your license in most states. In this state you have to sign a special form that says what you want donated, what types of organizations can use your organs, and some other stuff. There's a series of checkboxes that say "purposes my body cannot be used for: therapy, education, science". If you check all of those boxes, your body goes back to your relatives.
The older I get, the more I feel that traditional burials and even cremation are a waste of resources. When I was little I didn't like the idea of cremation because I didn't want to be burned. As I got older, I realized that this doesn't matter because I am going to be dead. I further realized that burial wastes a good couple of trees and a fuckton of money. So, I went for the idea of cremation and having my ashes spread somewhere interesting. But then someone would have to pay $50 for a cardboard box to be burned with me, which is a waste of money and trees, and $200 for a silver pimp cup to put my ashes in, which is a colossal waste of money if the ashes are just going to get spread somewhere anyways.
So I looked at these checkboxes and thought, "I hate the idea of soemone wasting trees and money just because I died, and hopefully I will outlive any family members who would really like to bury me." My husband wouldn't care about what happened to my body as he's never been a fan of ceremony for the sake of ceremony. The only people who would care are my parents and maybe my dad's sister. Even if I don't outlive them, it's not like they couldn't still have a ceremony honoring me even if there was no body. I'm not a big fan of funerals or ceremonies either, but if it would make the family feel better, then who am I to stop them--I'll be dead anyways. However, I think the best way for someone to honor me whether I am alive or dead is to help others and pass on my knowledge to others. In that spirit, I feel that if some scientists, or students, or whomever can learn something from my body after I'm gone, then why the hell shouldn't I give it to them? I'm all about helping and educating, so why shouldn't I continue the tradition after I'm dead?
So I left the checkboxes blank, thereby giving the students, scientists and residents of Idaho the greatest gift I possibly could: my ass. My dead ass to be precise.
This statement brings to mind hilarious images of Dave Foley showing up at Kevin Mcdonald's door in a grey suit with a silver platter and a big grin on his face saying "I have a very special present for you." "What is it?" Dave would lift the cover and grin insanely and say "it's an ass... A dead person's ass!" hilarity would ensue.
Sadly, I don't think the donation of my ass will be quite so dramatic or humorous, but at least it could help somebody.
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