He knows if you've been bad or good...

So even though I found out when I was like 9 or 10 that Santa isn't real, I have written him letters almost every year. It usually involves some ludicrous request like a hippopotamus, a lemur or getting to decide who lives and who dies. Sometimes Santa replies and sometimes he does not. The year I asked for tamarins Dad/Santa sent me a slew of links to zoo websites with pictures of the cute little things. This year his reply was classic so I thought I would share it with you.

My Letter to Santa
This year for Christmas I want you to give me wand that will make the dog disappear until I wave it again. Either that or replace the oatmeal in his brains with a Intel Xeon EM64T 3.8 Irwindale 3.8GHz 2MB L2 Cache Socket 604 Active. I would also like a wand that makes my husband do whatever I want-- even if it worked half of the time, I could at least get some peace and quiet and a meal that i didn't cook every once in a while ;) . Also, I want a fruit leather wand that turns any fruit i touch with it into tasty fruit leather. Oh, and maybe you could get my husband some coal and a chocolate bar or something since he has managed to listen to me on one or two occasions this year.
Thanks in advance.

Love and Kisses,
--Hillary (the most patient, non-naggy, unobtrusive wife and dog mother ever)


Santa's Reply to Me
Hillary

I did some checking on that nice dog of yours and found out that even though it may seem like oatmeal occupies his anatomy the Intel Xeon EM64T 3.8 Irwindale 3.8GHz 2MB L2 Cache Socket 604 Active is nothing compared to his real pedigree. Seems his mom and dad spent a good bit of time hanging around a place called Alien Ware - he told me that you MIGHT have heard of that place and that you would never be able to guess his real processor but if you follow the technology news at all you will hear about it in a few more years.

Unfortunately, Mrs. Claus found out about those special wands for use on husbands and she is either keeping them for herself or going into business on the side again - based on some of her past behavior if you're really interested in getting one I'd advise you to check ebay later today. You'll probably want to use the "buy it now" option cause once wives start bidding on those things no tellin what will happen with prices - even if they don't work half the time ! As a mater of fact one of her last ventures was trying to make moccasins from some kind of fruit leather - so if a designer pair of slippers from banana and pineapple sounds ok we might be able to do something there.

For your husband chocolate I can do but coal is being phased out very fast

- old technology, too many darn new regulations and not so environmentally friendly I'm told.

How about a cold fusion kit or hydrogen fuel cell instead ?

SC

Tips on choosing gifts.

Over the years I have come to think that I am good at choosing gifts for people. Sometimes people who think this are dead wrong and everyone around them is just being nice. Recently, I began to wonder if I am one of those people everyone is being nice to and who is, in fact, giving people things they don't want. The fact that people keep asking me what to get their friends and family members that I know, would lead me to believe that I actually do an okay job of picking out presents. The fact that I am lazy and self absorbed makes me want to post in a blog about how to pick out presents for other people so that I don't have to tell people every year what to get their friends.
1. START EARLY. I cannot emphasize this enough. Having 15 people to buy for and wanting to get them all good things and not thinking about it until December is like trying to alter the valenzeti equation 15 times in a month. Sure, you might get in a few good attempts, but you'll get at least few rushed attempts that you thought probably weren't going to work anyways. The only way I come up with decent ideas for most of the people on my list is to start thinking about it in August or September. This year, I started in August and I just finished figuring everyone out within the last 2 weeks. If you don't like to reinforce corporate America's idea that advertising earlier is a good thing, think about the presents early but don't buy until closer to Christmas.
2. Pay attention to what they buy for themselves. If someone buys themselves cookies from a certain bakery all the time, they might appreciate a gift basket from said bakery. If they buy themselves froofy bubble baths, find a place to get good froofy bath products.
3. If they have expensive tastes and you don't have a lot of money, buy smaller versions of the things they like if possible. I.E. if the coffee they like is $40/pound and you only have $10 to spend, buy them a coffee sampler with two or three very small packs from the same shop. If they buy themselves expensive technological shit you could never understand or afford (and can't chip in with others), find out what the good accessories are for it. I.E. if they buy themselves a Nintendo D.S., They might like a PSP, but they would also probably like a good, inexpensive game for the D.S. or a nice sturdy case.
4. Ask them what they want. Of course, this often doesn't work because they say "nothing". However, if you ask, you might come across someone like me who will make you an amazon list and send you pictures for suggestions and answer the question fifty different ways until blue in the face and still smile and accept graciously when you get her a gift card to Penney's instead of the 15 other stores she showed you items from. But I digress.
5. Shop around. If your person likes gourmet food or froofy bath products or things like that, chances are you can find a local or small shop that makes stuff way more kick ass than the $3 crap you can find at wal-mart. If they like electronics, chances are you can get a better price online than what they have at wal-mart or best buy.
6. Think about their shopping habits. If they hate wal-mart, they're more likely to be happy with the gift, even if it's not perfect, if you went out of your way to find the local owner who is barely hanging in there despite being way cooler than anything that corporate giants can offer. If wal-mart is their favorite store... then, by all means, buy their stuff there.
7. Gift certificates can be appropriate and not make you look like a cheap wad, despite what people might say. If you are buying someone who likes the action of shopping a gift certificate to a store they often intentionally go shopping to, you are not a cheapo (money can also actually be appropriate for people who really like to shop). If you are buying someone a gift certificate to a store they often go to and they don't HATE shpping with a passion, you're not a horrible cheapo, but you may be lazy ;). If you are buying someone a gift certificate to a restaurant they really like, you are not a cheapo but you may be a couch potato. If you are buying a gift certificate for someone for store/restaurant that they like and cannot normally go to because of cost prohibitiveness or because they would never indulge themselves in that particular thing, you are not a cheapo, or a lazy ass; you're getting them a good present.
8. related to both 2 and 7...Pay attention to what they don't buy for themselves. Everyone has at least one thing that they want that they pine over but somehow can't seem to justify spending the money on because it's too expensive, non-essential, etc. Almost everyone I know has mentioned at least one of these things to me in a year.

A couple of more points. Lots of people say it's cost effective and a good idea to look for things year round and then save them up. Yes and no. This is only true if a) you won't lose the thing between whenever you buy it and christmas and b) if the item is unique enough that the person won't end up buying it for themselves between now and christmas. I will however, support what many "experts" say and remind you that budgeting IS a good idea. It's not good to still be in debt from last year's christmas when you start buying presents for this year, like me (okay not really but it's a long story). My last point is on homemade gifts. Homemade gifts are okay but only if you can make someone a gift of a type and quallity they can appreciate. If aunt gertrude is on weight watcher's don't give her a jar of triple fudge cookies just because it's what you're making for everyone else. However, if aunt gertrude loves cookies and you can come up with a low sugar, low fat version to accomodate her diet (and maybe even handwrite the recipe on a nice colorful card), then it's fabulous.

Here sre some links to some unique small operations that could potentially be good gift thingies:

for jewelry... well I'm biased because I run a webstore and I have several friends who have webstores.

my store is http://hippybeads.com For other reccommendations for other jewelry sites you can go there and then click on links.
Anyways, on with the non-self-advertising coolness.

http://www.packriverpotions.com has wonderful bath and body stuff made right in sandpoint, ID

http://www.monarchmountaincoffee.com/ has excellent coffee roasted in the monarch mountain area near sandpoint, ID.

http://www.kaffeeklatsch.com/country.htm has excellent coffee roasted locally in huntsville, al.

http://www.fishfishknits.com has unique, artistic knit items including hats, scarves, etc. She can pretty much knit anything you want if you give her enough forewarning (she made me one of the best purses I've ever owned).

http://adkchocolates.com/ has andriondak made chocolates.

http://www.cranberrysweets.com has cranberry candy made in coos bay oregon and has wine flavored candies.

yes, really.

I've been sick for the last week, I was REALLY sick yesterday, I worked Friday despite being too sick to work, I did not get the job I wanted, I cannot buy people the Christmas presents I would like to buy them, my dog has nowhere to run around, I have to take care of the dog despite being sick, and my husband is dead sick, but you know what bums me out the most? The lack of scantily clad females on my desktop. You, unfortunately, cannot keep pictures of half naked women (or men for that matter) on your desktop when you live with your mother-in-law. *Sigh*

oh yeah...

i should also tell you that i officially did not get the job in birmingham that I interviewed for. *whine*. Let me end this post now before I start on a tirade about how i'll never find work and we'll always live with whitey's mom.

quick update

We were going to leave Tuesday to go spend thanksgiving in Jacksonville with Whitey's family but decided against it when whitey's family decided to change plans and decided that after we drove 11 hours on Tuesday, we would drive another 3 both ways to his cousins house to have thanksgiving and that, furthermore, only a handful of them were going to bother to show up for thanksgiving dinner with us after we bothered to drive 11 hours to see them. So we decided not to bother.

I worked an extra two days, and even had my mother's class of 3 year olds one of those days. Let me tell you it's a weird fucking feeling to be teaching a class for your mother when she taught your class when you were little.

Thursday we went out to Lofton's for Thanksgiving. It was most tasty, but they stop replenishing food really early in the seating and they pulled the desserts about an hour into the seating... Keep in mind, we didn't get seated until 20 minutes into the seating and there was a huge line behind us. Even one of the servers complained that she thought the kitchen was pulling things too early.

Thursday night we went to a Havoc Hockey game, which left me a little perplexed at my husband. He hates stupid people, rednecks, crowds and loud people. He hates situations like this so much that I have to convince him to go to music festivals even if someone he loves the bands that are playing. However, on thanksgiving day he chose to go to a place full of loud, stupid rednecks, who were drunk and enjoyed himself. WTH?

The last AND MOST IMPORTANT update is that my site, http://hippybeads.com is going to donate %20 of all sales from now until DEC 30 to http://www.childsplaycharity.org

quick update

We were going to leave tuesday to go spend thanksgiving in Jacksonville with Whitey's family but decided agaisnt it when whitey's family decided to change plans and decided that after we drove 11 hours on tuesday, we would drive another 3 both ways to his cousins house to have thanksgiving and that, furthermore, only a handful of them were going to bother to show up for thanksgiving dinner with us after we bothered to drive 11 hours to see them. So we decided not to bother.

I worked an extra two days, and even had my mother's class of 3 year olds one of those days. Let me tell you it's a wierd fucking feeling to be teaching a class for your mother when she taught your class when you were little.

Thursday we went out to Lofton's for Thanksgiving. It was most tasty, but they stop replenishing food really early in the seating and they pulled the desserts about an hour into the seating... Keep in mind, we didn't get seated until 20 minutes into the seating and there was a huge line behind us. Even one of the servers complained that she thought the kitchen was pulling things too early.

Thursday night we went to a Havoc Hockey game, which left me a little perplexed at my husband. He hates stupid people, rednecks, crowds and loud people. He hates situations like this so much that I have to convince him to go to music festivals even if someone he loves the bands that are playing. However, on thanksgiving day he chose to go to a place full of loud, stupid rednecks, who were drunk and enjoyed himself. WTH?

The last AND MOST IMPORTANT update is that my site, http://hippybeads.com is going to donate %15 of all sales from now until dec 30 to http://www.childsplaycharity.org

check this guy out!

all the sordid details of my anniversary

...or not.
The details I will share are that we stayed at the emnassy suites in huntsville which gives you a reception with free light hors d'ouvres and cocktails (or, in my case, copper ridge merlot). They also give you free extremely yummy breakfast involving made to order omelettes and belgian waffles (along with other things like cereal, fruit, biscuits and gravy, etc). They also have some of the oddest postmodern retro type decor I have ever seen. Definitely the oddest decor I have ever seen in a hotel room.
Anyways, on to more details:
We ate at the jazz factory and goddamn it was good. Whitey was dissappointed that they didn't have live jazz in the main room every night, but I was too busy shoving food in my mouth to notice. I even had desert. I think that I am never going to get to my goal weight ;).
Whitey failed to find anything on the jazz factory dessert menu that piqued his interest so we went to the steak house at the hotel and he got an apple tart. It is a well known fact that I *hate* apples. That tart was absolutely incredible. Mind you, all I ate was the cakey crusty part and the apple goo (no actual chunks of apples), but it stil tasted pretty apple-y and I wasn't grimacing and calling the tart evil.
At the steakhouse, I had french press coffee. This was both a fabulous idea and fucking horrible one. Me and caffeine don't always mix so well, but sometimes if I'm not doing anything that requires concentration, I'll get it anyways. It hit me like a fucking brick wall--I shook trying to walk, I couldn't keep throughts together to save my life, and it took me a long time to get to sleep since my thoughts were going at light speed.
However, I think I've got a new addiction That was some fucking good coffee and i'm totally craving it now. Oh yeah, I don't like coffee... but I went nuts over the french press coffee at the steakhouse, I live for my nonfat espressos with sugar free syrup, and I even enjoyed some hazlenut cream coffee as ground and brewed by a fellow craftsperson. I think the issue is not that I don't like coffee, but that I don't like SHITTY coffee--or really even, average joe coffee. If someone made me a cup of just roasted, just ground, perfectly ground dark coffee, I would probably go just as nuts as any coffee snob, but give me pre-ground shit and I just make faces and say "how the hell can people drink this bitter, nasty crap." I have expensive tastes... and no money, and I'm on a diet which prevents the drinking of too much half and half.
Anyways, back to details:
A while back I lost the ring that Chris gave me for like my second birthday that we were together. For once, it wasn't me being a moron that precipitated the loss of something expensive and sentimental--it was me losing weight. The ring was too loose and apparently it fell off and is still sparkling somewhere in sandpoint. So, whitey bought me a really cool blue toapz ring to replace it and gave it to me when i was drinking the aforementioned fucking good coffee.

end of details.

see you bitches later

i'm off to celebrate my anniversary with a night at the embassy suites as paid for by my mother-in-law. ROCK. see you sorry bitches later. ;)

random fucking update

So um... let's see the last time I updated it was to tell you about the trip down.
Since then, I had an interview for a job in birmingham that sounds fucking cool. I would be working with families to help them stay together or to reunify them with their kids. It would be very high intensity, short term work. I love this idea. I don't know that I made them love me as much as i love this idea, but what's done is done. I did feel slightly better after I wrote my thank you letter as it was able to clarify some points that I managed to muddy up during the interview, without sounding too much like I was trying to correct mistakes. They said that they would be letting people know within the next 2 weeks and that "the chosen ones" probably wouldn't be starting until around the first of december. So, the job search continues. I'm looking at things in both the birmingham and huntsville areas.

Saturday I set up at a free artists market here at flying monkey. Since it was cold not very many artists or customers showed up, but a few of the regulars came and said it sometimes gets really busy. I did manage to sell a pair of earrings and have someone offer to share thier rental booth space with me. Flying monkey has a bunch of fenced off areas that artists and local small business people can rent and use as studios, sales fronts or both. It's in an old fucking run down mill building, but it's an incredible raw space and the art, booths, etc. that are in there so far are really cool. It's also interesting because it's not designed to be particularly family friendly--there's alot of raw expression including nudity and curse words, but huntsville is generally a family friendly place. If we end up staying in Huntsville for very long, I might get involved with this place. I really like what they're trying to do.

Saturday was also the "big" celebration of my birthday. We went to my parents house for dinner prepared by mom with a menu selected by me. Roast beef, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, rolls and chocolate cake. I atcually did well on the diet that day--except the chocolate cake. Ahboo got to meet my parents' dog, widget, for the first time. This is also the first time he's met a dog on "their" turf. It was interesting to see because widget put him in his place a few times and she's half his size.

Sunday we unloaded the truck. The WHOLE goddamn thing. My dad and whitey's mother and her neighbor and whitey and I all worked for about 3 hours and got everything off the truck. We still have a couple boxes to bring in from the garage, but, hallelujia, it's off the damn truck.
Sunday was a smaller celebration of my birthday--Chris, his mother and I went to applebees and then Chris and I went to bruster's. I love thier lowfat, low sugar ice cream--it tastes like the regular stuff to me.

Today, my mom took me to fill out an application at her daycare. They originally told her to just have me fill out the app but that they didn't know if they would have work for me or not. This afternoon they told me that once I got all my paperwork and stuff turned in, I could start working 12-5:30 in the infant room. Tonight my mother called and said "um, yeah they need you at 10 am tomorrow. She said to just get your paperwork in as soon as you can."
I am overjoyed that I have a way to make money and that it does not involve angry customers. I am a little fearful because I have not worked in daycare in a long time and I don't rmember being spectacular at it when I did before. I am also a little disappointed because I was looking forward to spending a couple weeks with no schedule and nothing to do. However, if I spend too long that way, I get fussy and bored, to say the least. So, I guess it's a good thing that I have something to help me feel productive, even if it does involve stress, screaming children and cleaning up puke.

I entered a couple of recipes in a quaker oats baking contest. Of course, I had to simplify them so much, because it only allows 10 ingredients, that the end result is more than likely bland and commonplace. But maybe I'll get lucky and the people at quaker won't think so.

Our anniversary is wednesday, so I probably won't be updating much the next couple of days other than maybe a short update tomorrow to tell you how much puke i had to clean up.

the trip to deliverance land

After alot of arguments about how to load the truck that finally culminated in us paying some excellent dudes to help us load the truck, we left sandpoint at about 1:30 and ate lunch in CDA at WENDY'S!!!!! I'm not being sarcastic with the exclamation points--there is no Wendy's in Sandpoint. After a couple more stops in CDA, we realized it was snowing and that we should probably get on the road quickly, regardless of how cool I could make an argument for fruit leather and granola being.

Montana was a blast! Driving down curvy mountain passes with ice on them in the dark while it's snowing is my FAVORITE fucking thing to do! We stopped in missoula, and, despite my misgivings about eating chinese food anywhere in the general northwestern area of the united states, had some excellent chinese food. I got a chicken and eggplant dish that was absolutely to die for.

We rose at 6 am, ate some breakfast in the hotel lobby and were on the road by 7. The landscape in montana and wyoming was absolutely beautiful. Lots of mountains and incrdibly blue skies with a few pretty little clouds. The new DS games were great too. We picked up The big brain academy, which mostly makes me feel stupid, and Advance Wars: Dual strike, which is awsome but has some of the cheesiest dialogue I've ever seen.

We stopped in Casper, Wyoming, which is an oddly cool city with a downtown, a lot of good restaurants and even a gelatto joint in the middle of fucking nowhere. for hundreds of miles around casper, there were all of a handful of towns of less than 1000 people, and then BAM!, a great, well developed, culturally diverse city. We ate at and Old Chicago pizzeria, which was absolutely incredible. It is a chain, but it doesn't look feel or act like a chain--they have incredible pizza crust, a list of about 6 juices they serve, restuarant standards, and specialty sodas, like henry weinhard's. If you ever get a chance to go to a Chicago pizza and pasta, do it. You won't regret it.

The next day involved some neat landscape in the way of mesas. We got Loco Roco working on the PSP and it is quite possibly the silliest game ever--but it's incredibly fun and addictive. We stopped in york, nebraska and ate at an applebee's.

The next day involved a lot of boring landscape and having to go a couple extra exits because the first hotel we wanted to stay at looked like it was in the middle of a ghetto. Our stop was in florisette, Misourri, which is essentially a highway exit between columbia and St. Louis. There was pretty much, the hotel, a gas station, and a pizza/pasta resturant that would do carry out. Tiny town; good fucking pizza.

The next day, got to see the arches in st louis and all the dirty fucking run down buildings. There was alot more boring ladnscape, then some nice fall colored trees and then we were home! We got here at about 3:30 on monday and ordered chinese take out.

-------------------------------------THE END-----------------------------------------

we're here!

we're in huntsville. My interview in birmingham is tomorrow.
more later.

hmm...

I should be packing, but oddly enough, I'm not.
Hurray for procrastinating!

damn damn damn!

My girlfriend is going to be a biker babe for halloween and my mother-in-law is going to be here, so I won't be attending the party she'll be at. DAMN!
;)

General Update

We are getting closer to the move and I am getting closer to my last day at work. Friday will be my last day at the best job I've ever had.
I'm a little less glad to go now because the bosses did some damage control on the whole "letting a therapist go early" thing, and they couldn't tell us what happened, but they kind of implied enough that we figured it out. If what they're hinting at is correct, she had some of her clients sign a release to her new private practice and then proceeded to use our company equipment to copy our company files. Not quite the way you should do things.
It's not so much the issue of her stealing clients. There is some viability in the idea of the client maintaining the relationship with the therapist. They would have to start all over again learning to trust someone and telling them everything all over again.
So, the new boss dude said that maintaining a therapy relationship was a good thing, but the way described above was not the way to handle it. You should wait until you open the new practice, then get the person to sign documents, then ask the agency for files. Doing it the other way is.... well #1 it's doing work for your private business with agency equipment and #2 It's kind of like if one of our clients was transferring to a new agency and the workers from that agency just walked in our file room and started copying. Definitely not okay.
Assuming they're hinting at the right thing, I can understand why they might feel the need to terminate immediately as this is a huge ethics concern.
I also, don't care personally what she did, I want to see her again before I go. So, I decided to throw a party for her next week at my house. The difference between this idea and the idea that I had last week, is that my focus is on her and not both of us.... Although, the staff have decided that this is going to be the goodbye gathering for both of us. Works for me ;)
In other news, I have a promising lead for a job in birmingham that sounds like it's something I actually could be happy doing (amazingly) and pays well and has good benefits. It sounds like it's a program where I will be working to prevent disruption of families or to reunify families that has short term foster care built into the program in case the kids do need to come into care for a while. They said there is a big emphasis on short term foster care and on achieving permanency (be it in the home or in an adoptive home) as quickly as possible.
And finally, our son, the amazingest dog ever, has learned his newest trick: "crawl".
It'll be great in a couple of weeks when we get on the road and he forgets every trick he knows except "hide from the parents, refuse to do what they want because I hate new things, and possibly pee in inappropriate places". Moving a dog cross country is daunting. Moving a sillyhead who hates new things but likes anything he has a chance to warm up to is going to be an exercise in creativity and patience.

People in crisis don't remember thier own names much less have enough energy to care about you.

I work with clients in crisis all the time. I help people understand their emotions and reason them out all the time. Somehow, I have no skills in this area when it comes to dealing with things related to myself.
It was pointed out that the previous post seems a little selfish given the current situation at work. I originally didn't quite understand why they were saying this because everyone else got a party so why shouldn't I. Note the title above. It is ridiculous for me to expect an office full of jaded depressed workers who are scrambling to salvage their careers to even give me a second thought, much less plan a party for me. It's not fucking fair that everyone else got a party and I don't... but it is. Everyone else's goodbye came at a time that everyone wanted and eneded comraderie. Right now, everyone just wants the hell out of there. I don't think anyone has friendships or social gatherings on their mind. As much as I don't like this, it's appropriate to the times.
The thing that was making me so worried about a party is the fact that I felt like I wouldn't be as significant as other people if I didn't have a party. This is, of course, a ridiculous notion.
The thing that isn't a ridiculous notion is that it's not fucking fair. This is one of those situations where life just isn't going to be fair, but there is nothing anyone can say that will make me like it. I am not going to get the same treatment as everyone else because there's so much turmoil going on that everyone else cannot deal with being happy for me. As a matter of fact, the staff probably resent me because I'm getting out and they're not. I hate this idea. I made a hard decision to go back somewhere that I didn't want to go so that my husband and I could stay sane and it happened to be at a time that was bad for the company, which made the decision all that much harder, and I am going to be resented for it.
I accept it; I understand it; But I don't like it.
There are only a few people in Sandpoint that I know well enough to know anything about other than their first name and this group of people represents the majority of them. I am being rejected by the closest thing I have to friends up here (other than my husband) for doing something I'd rather not do if there were another alternative and because they are in crisis. There's alos nothing I can do to help them through the crisis. Not to mention, they probably don't want to listen to me anyways since I am "deserting" them.

Anyone want to help me plan my own going away party?

So... all the turmoil from the previous post has led me to believe some things:
1. I don't know who we can trust in the administration
2. The staff is pissed and needs support
3. There's probably no way in hell in the middle of all this that anyone is going to think to throw me a going away party (everyone else got one goddamnit, why does it make it different because I happened to quit in the middle of turmoil)
4. The lead therapist didn't get a going away party either.

So the options I've come up with are:

1. Wait until someone else suggests the party
2. Mention to someone that I would like a party
3. Plan my own damn party, invite the lead therapist, exclude the director, the temporary director and administration, and tell everyone by word of mouth.
4. Plan my own damn party, invite everyone but not the lead therapist and spread the word with a flyer in the copy room
5. Plan my own damn party, invite the lead therapist and spread the word by a flyer in the copy room
6. not have a party

1. Isn't fucking happening.
2. Would seem pretentious and forceful, especially at a company where everyone's perceptions are probably off because we're all too mad to see straight.
3. Sounds really good right about now, but I could be excluding people who had nothing to do with the things I'm mad about and could be denying good people a chance to vent when they need it.
4. Seems the most friction free but also seems unfair to the lead therapist AND i think that the other staff owuld like to see her again. Like I said, we all loved her and also everyone probably wants a chance to find out what really happened.
5. Has the most potential for disaster but gets me all the things I want--a party, the therapist, and no sneakiness.
The potential for disaster is this:
- often when someone is asked to leave, it becomes evil to say thier name much less put it on a flyer. Doing so might have unforseen repercussions.
- administration may show up which would put a damper on the whole thing and discourage the therapist and other workers from bitching about work, which is, i think what some of the workers need to be able to do right now.
6. Damnit it's not fair, everyone else got one! Of course, in making that statement, I have to ask myself, is this about me or everyone else. Of course, it's about me. Usually goodbye parties are about everybody. The way to make this about everybody is to have it after work at a place where we can bitch (which has been the plan all along)--assuming they even want to do this. So, I guess the first thing I need to do is find out if anyone even wants to come to a party if I throw one for myself.
After that, which number should I pick? What do you guys think?

The Titanic was a snail

One of the major reasons I keep saying I don't want to go back to alabama is that I love my job and will never find another one like it. I do love my job and I care about my clients and I probably will never find another job like it.

This job is the type of thing that only comes along once in a lifetime and is not a position that any other state funds, and as a result can only be found in in-patient settings affiliated with universities with lots of money. I'll never work another job like this one unless I'm back in idaho. THANK FUCKING CHRIST I'M LEAVING.

I have never seen a company tank so fast.
The director left about 6 months ago and the 2nd in charge ended up being as good or possibly better than he was. She left because the company sided in the interest of money and she felt very strongly that it was more important to follow regulations and to side on the interest of helping staff.
When she left, we requested an audience with the CEO (this is a for profit business, not non-profit). Who said yeah, we're sorry that you guys don't have a director yet, and we'll get someone as soon as possible. What else do you guys need to do your jobs." We said "another computer and some new tables." Within 2 days we had a desk with another computer on it and some new tables. We thought "okay, cool." We figured that we just had to talk to the right people and we would get what we need. So we recently had a meeting to talk with the dude who is helping all the offices get what they need and balancing it with the needs of the business. Every answer was pretty much "we're looking into it". Either that or saying that they would get us help in doing the things we have to do but don't get compensated for more efficiently.. instead of y'know actually saying they might entertain the idea of paying us for work.

So everyone else was a bit discouraged and I was frustrated for them, but I knew it wasn't going to be my problem anymore because I was leaving (they knew this too). Everytime someone turned in a resignation letter, the staff got a little more dismal and lots of people started saying they felt like they were "on a sinking ship". They were willing to hear the execs out but had little hope that anything would actually happen.
Today the execs just took dynamite to the hull of the boat. Our lead therapist, who everyone loves and looks up to because she's brilliant and sarcastic unorthodox and a damn good therapist, had turned in 3 weeks notice so she could start her own practice. Today she was told that she needed to leave by monday. She isn't allowed to do termination sessions with her clients. She just basically had to call them all and tell them... Some she was lucky enough to be able to see face to face for 5 minutes. Unless she touched a client innapropriately, there's no reason for this shit. Even if she leaked company secerets to someone or something, there's no reason to disallow her from having a termination session. Transition is hard for our clients even when done in an orderly manner. This is most certainly not orderly, and I can think of one client that is probably going to start self-destructing. When she self-destructs, who will the social workers have to turn to to figure out what to do? A therpaist who understands the clients illness and knows every trick in her boo---oh wait... A director who's been here 2 weeks and barely knows any of the clients.
I'm so glad I'm getting out of here.
I *hate* that I'm glad that I'm getting out of here, but it is SO time to be gone.

My husband is, once again, an asshole.

He is forcing me to leave sandpoint, and, therefore, my girlfriend. Just when she started wearing her hair down to teach class--DAMN!

Christmas

Everyone blames wal-mart and corporations on people thinking about Christmas in September/October. Everyone complains when someone asks them what they want for Christmas in September and I even had someone tell me to ask for a calendar for Christmas since it's 2.5 months away and I asked for suggestions for people. I have ALWAYS bought Christmas presents in AUGUST and september. Yes, I said AUGUST. It's not about "oh my god wal-mart said I should buy things so, therefore I should!". It's about "oh my god, I am fucking poor and will not magically be rich before Christmas and can afford $30-$50 a month for 3 months but not $90-$150 all at once!" It's about "Oh my god, I have 12 people to give to and I hate to give shitty presents because I'm rushing to get shopping done!" It's about "oh my god, I make half my presents because I'm poor and because some of my family members like my handmade gifts more than anything I can buy them." So, when I ask what you want for Christmas in September, or I ask you for advice on what's coming out before Christmas that's worth buying, don't check my temperature, don't buy me a calendar and don't assume I have given in to corporate pressure to shop earlier and earlier. I don't like Christmas carols in every retail establishment for 2 months solid either. However, I do like making sure I have plenty of time to use my cretivity and resources to get you and the other people I care about good fucking presents.

I am in love

:)

No, you do not need to take my temperature.

So, since all my husband hears (and all most of you in the blogosphere hear) is *whine* *whine* *whine*, especially when it comes to the moving issue, I thought I would be positive for once and post reasons that I would like to go back to northern alabama.

1. I would kill to be able to waste my money on the panoply choreography competition again.

2. I would love to be back at my old dance schools and with my old pilates teacher.

3. The bead biz is the best and cheapest suplier of beads I've ever found anywhere.

4. Gelato

5. Bruster's

6. I actually have friends I've kept up with since I moved that I didn't meet through my husband. Let me clarify--I love all my husband's friends, but I've always been soemone who meets friends via someone else and is too shy to be forward enough to pave my own way with friendships. I also am historically horrible with keeping up with friendships for more than a couple months if at all.

7. GOOD FUCKING MEXICAN FOOD.

8. GOOD FUCKING CHINESE FOOD.

9. GOOD FUCKING BARBECUE. LOTS OF IT.

10. Roly Poly -- very yummy and very good for the diet.

11. Good Concerts--both local and big name

12. Don't need as many sweaters, flannel lined jeans, coats, etc.

13. People to play games with.

14. Holidays near family--even better if I get to cook for some of them.

15. Thai garden

16. Can go incognito to hide from people I don't like if I want--most people won't recognize me since I've lost almost 50 pounds.

17. Weight watcher's meetings, dance classes, pilates, craft classes, etc at almost any time I could want them.

I am a baking powder junkie

A few weeks ago, I was pondering the fact that cake and a diet often don't get along, And the fact that I had, at that moment, an insatiable craving for cake. So, after trips to two different stores, I found weight watcher's snack cakes, which are fairly tasty, very small and ridiculously priced. So I said to myself, "I wonder if one could make higher fiber, lowfat cake themselves for less than $3.75 for 6 tiny ass cakes?", and I set out to answer that question.

I read ingredient information and cake recipes until I got bored and then went into the kitchen and cake out with something that had the texture, structure and appearance of chocolate cake. The flavor... well, it was... odd. It was by no means horrible, and was very edible, but was not the type of thing your average person would pick out as thier favorite cake. But the cake had potential.

It was that night that I realized that I could bake without a recipe. I had walked into the kitchen with an idea and a bunch of ingredients and had come out with something that was 3/4's of the way to what I wanted it to be without a recipe to guide me. From then on, I was obsessed. Every chance I got to ignore my husband and my dog to bake something instead, I took it, and still do. My eyes sparkle when I go to the store to discover that they have whole wheat cake flour or lecithin granules in the bulk bins. I spent half of vacation wishing I could cook something and the other half coming up with ideas of things I could cook when I got home. My freezer is presently filled with ziplock bags full of recent projects and I just filled another ziplock bag tonight.

I am being a little ridiculous with the whole thing, but I am determined, and I'm actually kind of good at what I'm doing. Sometimes I wonder if this new obsession combined with the eventual move back south will somehow magically launch a catering business for me or something. Somehow I doubt that I will ever be good enough to be a caterer without formal training epsecially while still being a social worker. You can't easily have a day job and develop a talent so much that you could solely live off of it. In addition, if I tried to pursue everything I was good at and could potentially develop into pocket change, I would still never get half the things I wanted to done, even if I had no job.

I am actually kind of odd in that I am reasonably good at a lot of creative things whereas most people are fabulously good at one or two things. If I tried to develop all these talents at once, I would never sleep and I would still never get any one of them very far developed. So, I'll never be on foodtv, never win a contest for wedding cakes and never own my own catering business, but this realization will not stop me from filling up one more ziplock bag and one more and one more until there's no more room in the freezer fridge or cabinets. Right now, I really love baking. Almost as much as I love my cute husband.

Since I love baking, I should share one of the recipes I've been working on with you guys. Most people seem to think the cupcakes are awsome as is, but I noted some modifications I'd like to try the next time I make spice cupcakes (it was chocolate tonight).

Vo0’s Diet Spice Caramel Cupcakes (a work in progress)

1 C Wheat Pastry/Cake Flour (available at health food stores and places where they have nifty bulk bins)
½ TSP Baking Soda
½ TSP Baking Powder
¾ TSP Salt
¾ TSP allspice
¾ TSP Nutmeg
1 TSP Cinnamon
6 TBL Super-fine/Caster's Granulated Sugar
2 Egg Whites
3 TBL Honey
1 ½ TSP Vanilla or Vanilla Extract
½ C Fat Free Sour Cream
2 TBL Melted Butter
½ C Apple Juice
½ C Rolled Oats or other Rolled hot cereal flakes (I used 7 grain flakes)
1 TBL flax seeds (optional)
¼ C Chopped Walnuts (optional)
4 TBL Smucker’s Sugar Free Caramel Ice Cream Topping (smucker’s with the sugar in is the wrong consistency, but other brands with sugar in may be substituted if they are thick and not at all runny)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Spray mini or regular sized non-stick muffin tin with nonstick cooking spray or place muffin cups in tin.
Sift Together first 7 ingredients in a medium to large sized bowl or carefully whisk them together if a sifter is not available.
Beat egg whites with a wire whisk or fork in a seperate large glass bowl until very foamy. Add sugar slowly while continuing to beat eggs. Add next 4 ingredients in the same way.
Add flour mixture and remaining ingredients except caramel sauce. Stir just enough to moisten evenly.
Put a teaspoon of batter into the bottom of each mini muffin tin or 2 teaspoons if using regular muffin tins. Place ½ teaspoon of caramel sauce in the middle of each cupcake or use 1 teaspoon if you are making regular sized cupcakes. Use remaining batter to fill cupcake tins at least ¾ of the way full.
Bake for 10-15 minutes or until fork inserted into cupcakes comes out with no batter on it (caramel sauce may stick to form regardless of doneness).
Mini cupcakes are right around 100 calories each(with or without flax and nuts). Big cupcakes are in the range of 150-180 calories each.

Possible modifications (things I might try changing since this recipe is a work in progress):
will definitely add more leavening (like maybe 3/4 tsp of baking powder and soda)--I accidentally added too much to a recipe I made tonight and I love the texture I ended up with.

Replacing 1 TBL of honey with 1 TBL brown sugar (additional apple juice might be necessary in this case)
Replacing ½ C of the wheat cake/pastry flour with ½ C of white cake/pastry flour

The problems I keep coming accross are that a. the texure is a little dense and chewy for my taste(although everyone else seems to think they're fine) and b. the wheat flavor is a little strong and the flavor of the cupcakes could be a little "smoother" overall.

Try them and tell me what you think. If you try the modifications, tell me how those worked.

hm...

I seem to get uncomfortable and unhappy if I don't feel productive. I seem to yell and bight people's heads off if I feel uncomfortable and unhappy. Yeah... you can pretty well guess how vacation went for my husband.

vacation

yes, I'm blogging on vacation, and yes, I am that lame. The whole vacation keeps bringing up those nasty mixed feelings on moving. Everywhere I go and in everything I do, I'm reminded of Reasons why I don't like it here: from the smoke in restaurants to the humidity in the air to the rediculously low temperature of air conditioning in EVERY GODDAMN BUILDING, it all makes me whine and cringe. Yes, I realize that some of this feeling may be due to my attitude coming into the whole thing, but I'm really trying to keep an open mind and find reasons to want to be back here (because I'm going to be back here soon, damnit). The whole mixed feelings issue is bad enough that I'm sitting on the fringes not saying anything to our friends not because I'm shy and never say anything (because that's much less true than it was a year ago), but because I don't want to start an arugment or sound like a drag (being an overreactionary bitch is another thing, however). So the feelings are strong enough that I just can't even talk to friends in any sort of coherent manner. HOWEVER, yesterday after spending a whole day with friends feeling like somewhat of an outsider and saying almost nothing because I didn't want to drag the group down, I woke up this morning and the first thing i felt was sad because i realized that the friends I saw yesterday were in birmingham and I was in huntsville. That makes a pretty strong statement about the whole "being in another city halfway across the country" (whether it's sandpoint, reno, or timbuktu) issue. That's all I really have to say on that issue right now. I'm honestly not sure where that perspective leads, but the trip has definitely given me another perspective.

Other notes on vacation are that I went shopping at a thrift store, bought some beads, am reading a romance novel (i love a good mindless story now and again), and ate so much sugary food that I should be in a coma right now. I'm not in a coma, but I am asking why the hell I did that. Aside from blowing my diet to hell, I am struggling with trying to figure out whether I'm hungry or full or what because of what a large amount of sweets after eating reduced amount of sweets for months does to my blood sugar. Sugar is good, but a huge ice cream sundae and cake all in one day is something else. OTher than that, I have been hanging out with my parents a lot, eating out al ot, and biting everyone's fucking head off (that seems to be my MO these days).

On another note altogether, my co-workers are all snide, cynical and snarky (in a good way) and pick on each other constantly. The last few weeks they've been making comments that I'm starting to fit in because I am snarky right back and apprently they seem to think I'm a little bit witty. I've always been sharp and fiery but I've never been good at quick wit and i've never been good at figuring out what's appropriate as far as snarkiness at work, so I just haven't been saying anything. Anyways, One of my co-workers says her favorite recent example is when she said something about being as innocent as the day is long and I said "The days just got a hell of a lot shorter". I think something I said today tops that one by about a mile especially given that my husband looked a little bit genuinely shocked that I said it. Chris was playing around when we were driving home from lunch and started saying that we should follow a funeral procession so that we could go to the "party" after the burial. His mother corrected him saying that it was usually called a "wake" or an "after funeral gathering". Chris replied "well, when *I* die people are oging to have a party" and I said "You're damn straight we are" in my best 'snarky exasperated wife' voice and the look on his face was priceless. My co-workers would be proud, but they didn't hear it because I'M ON MOTHERFUCKING VACATION BEEOTCH!

i hope you're fucking happy.

It is pre 6 am and i have been up long enough to get dressed, feed the dog and eat breakfast. I hope you assholes realize how motherfucking important you must be for me to get up at 5 goddamn thiry in the morning to come nad see your sorry asses.

i'm so totally the most interesting person ever.

Well... I've been trying to think of something to say here because there's alot going on, but the fact of the matter is, it's not the most exciting stuff ever. Nonetheless, this thing is here so that I can keep you assholes updated on my life, so here goes:
The dog got sprayed by a skunk a week or so ago. We were up late that night figuring out how to make it so our poor baby could see and taste (we're pretty sure he got sprayed right between the eyes) and not smell like a stink factory. We bathed him and such and now he smells only mildly like a stink factory as does the rest of the house.
In other news, I don't take good care of my teeth because I'm a moron and so I had to have one removed. The poor dentists never make a case for themselves because they either poke things and aggravate them (damnit my abcessed tooth didn't hurt BEFORE i got it check out, but it did afterward) or they handle my squirming and whining ineptly. I had one dentist (not the one here) just keep telling me to calm down and stop shaking because he wasn't going to hurt me like a previous dentist did. The more I shook, the more he insisted as if telling me could somehow make it so I could cure a 5 year long very ingrained phobia in 30 seconds because a man with a firm voice was telling me to do so. I've had dentists who deal with my squirming by stopping and asking what's going on. The dentist who pulled my tooth out was somewhere in the middle. He thought I could will myself to not behave like an afraid 5 year old backed into a corner, but he did eventually realize that some of the squirming and whining had to do with real pain and not just fear of pain, so he did the best he could to fix it.
So when the trauma was overwith, I went christmas shopping with gause tucked firmly in my mouth and used the time walking around to let the copious amounts of adrenaline workt heir way out of my system.
I think the best and worst part of having something like that done is eating. It gives you license to do things like go to kfc and order mashed potatoes with gravy, and baked beans. However, it severely limits what you eat and if you're on a diet or if you're tired of oat bran for the 5th meal in a row, you're kind of screwed.
So, I was off the diet for a couple of days, but I did the best I could to be sensible, eat healthy stuff and somehow get nutrients in there.

Also in other news, we are coming to alabama next week. We are definitely looking forward to seeing friends and family. Whitey is not looking forward to leaving the dog here (we have a nanny coming to check on him) but I am looking forward to throwing a "no ahboo" party every day during vacation! I love Ahboo, but it's still like having a 2 year old child to raise a dog--especially when you're the one he constantly challenges for pack position.

And the last news I can think of is that whitey and I are very seriously considering moving back to alabama by the end of october. I have very mixed feelings about this as usual, but i'm sure you could all repeat the reasons why in your sleep at this point. Although, if we move in october, a week before halloween would be excellent. What's halloween without Nimish naked in a bathtub?

why?

Days like this make me wonder why I agreed to get a dog.
I love ahboo, I really do, but I don't like disrupting my damn day for diarreah, puke and FUCKING SKUNK SPRAYS. The house smells, I smell, the dog is upset, my head is starting to hurt and my asthma is threatening too.
Things like this also remind me of how ill prepared I am for certain types of stress. I can stare down a suicidal client any day and come out of it looking like I just got a massage, but shit like bugs in the house and the dog getting sprayed by skunks freak me the fuck out... which is bad because Ahboo knows when I'm freaked out and he gets freaked out, and he's an easily excitable and nervous dog. If you're a dog owner and something odd happens, then if you act like it's odd, you make your dog nervous, but if you act like it's nothing, then your dog doesn't care. Poor Ahboo was already half blind and tasting nasty stuff (and foaming at the mouth) and his stupid mom started acting nervous...
oh, well. We'll noth live. Whitey however, might lose it from having to deal with both of us ;)

Holding the tent up with a toothpick

Whitey is hating his job and every night he says "I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to get up in the morning because then I'll have to go to work." I remember being this way and it sucked. I was working at a place as an instructor for 14 MR adults. I was not very good at my jobs because I was too damn green to be able to run a classroom and too damn green to realize that on no planet in no century can I run a classroom. My boss and I did not communicate well despite my honest efforts to understand where she was coming from. This ultimately led to my firing, but after a certain point I ceased caring and ceased trying to explain myself to her because I knew she wasn't going to listen anyways. Somehow I managed to stick it out until I got fired, but I'm not entirely sure how. I think it was because I was going on job interviews and because I had a fun boyfriend to come home to every night. So, I had some things to give me hope for something better.
What I'm trying to say is that I understand the overwhelming desire to walk in and say "kiss my ass, I quit" drop trou and then leave. It's not good to work when you constantly feel like crap and are constantly afraid of what might happen because everyone you work with either wants to leave or is probablly going to get fired and are constantly "dreaming of a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell".

So, as haphazard and awkward as it may sound, at some point we may just say "alright we're turning in our two weeks notice and we're going to Alabama." This whole idea sounds kind of insane to me, but it also kind of sounds like the right thing to do. I don't want to leave behind my clients or the great weather here or my dance classes by the beach, or the job where I can wear khaki shorts and call it "professional work clothing" but I think at least one person in this house will lose it if we don't come up with a plan to get out of here sometime soon. Alabama happens to be our best option for getting out soon because we could easily find a place to stay, people to hang out with, etc.

Let me say that there's a lot of things that still really turn me off about going to Alabama, but I realize that right now there is no ideal situation and that if I want friends near me, I'll have to live with constant 90 degree weather with 90% humidity and a bunch of religious people who will drive me bonkers. Actually, I am starting to realize that there are PLENTY of liberals hiding in Alabama, we're just not a very vocal group. A psychiatrist I used to work with who was very Christian and family centered, one started talking about the ills in the world and how his son "nailed a professor to the wall" for saying things about how the administration was much better now that bush is in power. I would NEVER have suspected that he was politically liberal at all. I think there are people in Alabama who can identify with me, but it's going to take some doing to find them. Anyone want to start a non-political social group for liberals?
While I'm asking questions... Anyone know any IT or social services places that are hiring in northern Alabama (preferably Huntsville)? Anyone want to deal with two ill-tempered house guests and their cute but oatmeal brained dog in exchange for a little rent and groceries? Anyone wanna come to northern Idaho and help us load a u-haul with all our shit? Anyone getting annoyed by me asking imposing questions and whining about Alabama weather yet? ;)

Pack up the fucking tent already

I've always been a vry concrete thinker and very impatient: black or white, up or down, go or don't go, shit or get off the pot but do it NOW! We've pretty much decided we're getting the hell out of here and probably going to break the lease to do it. We've also decided we probably will go back to Alabama (more on that in a minute). But now it requires finding jobs and updating resume's and figuring out how to move all of our stuff, and figuring out how to move our son, ahboo, and oh, Jesus Christ can we just fucking do it already? Can't we just get on the plane to Alabama and not come back? If we're gonna go, I wanna go and be done with it. I hate uncertainty and waiting and such. I know how we could make our trip a one way instead of a vacation (at least in theory) but no one has a job lined up or a place to stay or anything, so I have to sit it on it until all that is ready even if I am ready to go now.

So now, to explain why I am okay with going back to Alabama. I hate Alabama, but my friends are there, I have a pre-established social and support network there, family is there and my husband said that if we go, he'll let me be a lazy bum and not work if that's what I need to be able to keep from going crazy. Actually what he said was, "we'll be able to work something out" when I said "fine, we can go to Alabama, but I'm not working." So, if I come back, my sole source of income may be jewelry sales or I may sub in a daycare or something. I am looking at social services jobs, but I'm not forcing myself into a position that I don't think will work--end of story. While this has potential for disaster because I can get horribly depressed when not working, I think I can manage to feel productive without a job--I managed for 4-5 months when my job contract ended right before my wedding. The other thing is that if we were to move back and take up residence in my mother's house or somesuch, I could probably work my first day back. She works in a daycare and told me that if I come that way, they could probably use my help. I also could probably do the substitute dance teacher thing at her dance studio. If we move back to Birmingham, there is no instant job and no instant place to stay, but there's a lot more opportunities for jobs and housing than Huntsville, so we could figure something out pretty quick. Actually, if the place we lived at before had an opening, they would probably let us back in, except I don't know if they would allow our son or not--people there had dogs, but I don't remember whether anyone had big ones.

Oh, I forgot to mention why I am so ready to go. Whitey's job is sucking and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he got fired in the next couple of months because the business people needed someone to blame for things not being done in time despite the fact that the reason it isn't going to get done rests solely on the fact that the business people refuse to hire more IT staff.
You always hear me talk about how I love my job and how I would hate to leave it. This is true, but there are a couple new developments that make me think now would be a good time to exit. One is that it feels like I have to do more and more off the clock to be able to be organized and keep it together to do my on the clock work. Right now I'm only clocking 20-25 hours most weeks, but I'm actually doing 30-35. If I do the math on the pay they give me versus the pay that I would get in Alabama for a place where you're always on the clock if doing something work related, it comes out either about the same, or in favor of Alabama. In addition, the director left about five months ago and we haven't hired anyone to replace him yet. The second in command has been doing an amazing job running the place and I wouldn't trade her for anything. Yesterday, she resigned based on philosophical differences that involve money issues. She's erring on the side of caution and following regulations and they're erring on the side of getting more money out of Medicaid. There was also a situation earlier in the week where they decided to err on the side of money and not on the side of what was in the best interest of the employees and the clients. I don't like this trend and I think that they're going to try to give me less money instead of more. I don't get paid enough as is. Sure, I get $16.75 an hour, but that's essentially the equivalent of $12-$13 an hour somewhere where they pay you for everything work related, and here, we don't get mileage checks. NOT liking this trend. I also forgot to mention that, as much as I love Sandpoint and it's 60% hippie population and the Saturday farmer's market and the mountains and the dance classes by the beach, I know that it isn't viable to stay here long term because of real estate prices and lack of consistent resources for entertainment, etc.
So, after all this, I am ssssooooooooooooooooooooo ready to get the hell out of here, but I have to fucking wait. Quite possibly until next April (if we don't get out of her by October, we're kind of stuck--moving in the winter is much too uncertain).
waiting sucks damnit!

cool site.

dance 1
dance 2
I can't really explain it--just click (i promise there is no gaping asshole to greet you)
that's my choreography, but you can make your own.

Oh, another one...

(continued from last night's list of ways to deal with dieting)
5. Your favorite restaurant does have something you can eat on the menu without ruining the diet. If you don't find it the first time, don't give up.
The only exception I've found to this rule is sonic. I've scoured the nutrition information for sonic numerous times and the answer pretty much is: don't eat at sonic. However, every local restaurant I've been to so far, I've found something that works. It usually takes a few tries to find the thing that really works well and works with the particular diet you're on, but 99% of the time, there's something there. After a few somewhat eyebrow raising visits to panhandler pie, I discovered that they have two meals on the menu that are great tasting and low calorie, and they have good soup and salad plates. The restaurant that almost made me give up was the Italian restaurant. I love arlo's, because it's some of the best Italian food I've ever had and one of the waitresses knows us by sight, but every time I went there, I ended up paying for it for the rest of the week. Yesterday, I found a thing that works! They have a plate that's basically spaghetti with white wine marinara and shellfish of various types. If I can break myself of the nasty garlic bred habit, I can go there for dinner now without having to worry about whether or not I can eat the rest of the week.

Let's try this again...

As pointed out here , my last couple of blog entries may sound discouraging to those trying to lose weight. My intention is not to discourage people from losing weight, which is why I thought about it and felt that way for at least a couple weeks before I posted it here. There's one reason for me posting this here, but it's twofold: validation-both for me and for other people. It's validating for me because in theory someone out there could see what I'm writing and understand. If I tell my husband or mother that I want to be fat again or I don't like my body they just say things like "you look great and you're just upset because you couldn't find butterfly pants today". This response is extremely well intentioned, but not very validating. Validation for others because I know that I am not the only person who feels this way. Somewhere out there is another woman watching herself change in the mirror going "damn, who is that?" and then wondering what's wrong with her for thinking that way. The truth is that there's nothing wrong with her thinking that way, and it's quite normal. While most people's experience with weight loss does not involve tearful fits ending in "I want to be fat again", it seems quite normal and rational to have a minor identity crisis when your body and your clothes, two things that define a large part of your identity, are changing so fast.
I learned to be comfortable with my body and see myself as attractive no matter how big I was. I was fat and attractive. My body has changed so much since February that Now I'm _____________________ and ________________. Thin and attractive? Gangly and ugly? Thin and one of those people who really looks better fat? Hell if I know. All I know is the image in the mirror has changed so completely that I have to look in the mirror twice before I realize who's body I'm looking at and that all these physical changes have necessitated a new wardrobe.

Most people probably don't kiss their clothes before they put them in the donation bin, but I don't doubt that other people get attached to the things they wear. As I said, this is part of what defines you as a person, not so much because the clothes dictate who you are, but they help transmit to others who you are. Clothes show off both your personality and your body. When your body is changing as much as it does when you lose weight, the clothes no longer show off your body correctly, which then means you need more clothes. Buying more clothes can be a good thing, but it can be really frustrating if the thing that you think speaks of your personality isn't in style or isn't available in your size. Shopping also feels difficult because you can no longer hold up an item of clothing and have any idea how it will look on you or if it will fit, not to mention being between sizes.

I've calmed down since Sunday and have started to realize a few things that help with the "who the hell is that and why does she have ugly clothes?" syndrome, so I thought I'd post them here in case anyone ever reads this and needs a little encouragement.

1.Clothes that fit properly.
To some degree, this goes without saying. If your clothes don't look right, then you don't look right. However, I have a lot of days when I th ink "damn I look terrible" and later, I realize that it's the clothes that are off. Often, they technically fit fine and don't really look all that "off" until I see myself in another similar item of clothing that fits more the way I like it to. For example, I have tight tank tops that I wear to dance. Something tight like that fits for a long damn time. However, if they are not skin tight, I look in the mirror and see either a gangly mess of twigs or a slouchy icky body. If I wear the skin tight shirts, all of a sudden, I think I'm attractive.

2.Diet sweets. These are controversial but I couldn't do it without sweet food, I don't like most fruit, and most fruit I do like is not made out of chocolate.

3. Realizing that chocolate is not the answer to everything.
I get stressed, I eat chocolate. I've always done this. When I'm stressed the chocolate I eat usually consists of a big milkshake, a huge ice cream cone, a multi-layered dessert, a whole candy bar or several pieces of candy. However, there actually was a day where I was craving chocolate ice cream because of stress levels where I occupied my time with something else for an hour or so only to find that my craving was cut in half-- I still wanted the ice cream, but I didn't feel like I was going to die without it.

4. Learning to be patient. After the teary eyed "I want to be fat" on Sunday that was brought on by not finding cool clothes and not being able to eat ice cream, we found a ton of clothes in the last store we went in and I was able to get a banana mango smoothie at Applebees which worked just as well as a sundae as far as I was concerned (on that day anyways). So, in the end, I got what I wanted, but it was really hard to make it through that whole day long enough to get what I wanted without saying "FUCK IT" and eating an ice cream sundae and not stopping until I was 195 pounds again.

Which brings me to something else I would like to talk about. Right now for me, Ice cream is almost as dangerous as heroine to an addict or a gun to someone who's suicidal. No, the ice cream isn't as lethal or damaging to my body as heavy drugs or bullets could ever be, but between life in general and my minor identity crisis, I feel like I've got a lot of problems and I'm in a lot of turmoil and the thing that could fix it all is sitting right in the freezer. This makes it really hard for me to see someone else eating ice cream, which in turn makes it miserable for them because I whine and pout and then they get upset and then I cry and get all kinds of dramatic because between the stress of not being able to eat and the stress of having someone upset with you, I'm about a breath away from walking in to the kitchen filling a bowl to the top with ice cream, pouring some syrup whip cream and sprinkles over it, eating every last bite of it, then licking the bowl clean and not going back on the diet ever again--which kind of scares me. Just like a drug addict, I know deep down that indulging will ruin lots of things I've worked hard for and will disappoint those around me and will make me feel like a failure, but sometimes it just feels like it would fix everything. The hard part is, I'm not sure what to do in this situation. Those around me don't need to be miserable or subjected to my drama because they want to eat ice cream, but I need some way to deal with the way I feel. The only things I have come up with are to go in another room, leave the house, go for a walk, etc. but that could be kind of disrupting to life, so I'm not sure those are the best coping skills for the situation. Anyone got any suggestions for how to handle stressful situations that involve food?

The usual family drama

My parents were here Friday through this morning and they'll be returning Wednesday evening after a lovely stay in glacier national park in Montana. Things have actually been great. My parents have been accommodating and I have managed not to get upset over knives being left on the counter or similar minor things that usually make me grimace. I do however remember some grimaces over my mother setting a limit of "a couple of outfits" for when she took me clothes shopping (to help defray some of the insane cost of replacing clothing when losing weight). I also remember a couple of tearful visits to fashion bug and the ice cream shop respectively that ended in me blubbering "I want to be fat again." I really do try not to create drama with my parents and I try not to create drama in general, but let's face it, I'm dramatic. That's just it. I am not inentionally overdramatic, but I have dramatic emotions and therefore I act like a drama queen. I try really hard to tone this down, but at this point I either accept that this is the way I am, or I go find a sympathetic nurse who's familiar with potassium chloride injections (talk about being dramatic...).

Anyways, I think the issue that led to "I want to be fat again" bears addressing again. Weight loss is hard fucking work and for me it's been rewarded with lots of compliments from other people, a body I don't like, giving up every cool item of clothing I own and not being able to find replacements, and watching everyone else eat ice cream sundaes (or pie or doughnuts) while I sit at the table with nothing because I have to save points for the calorie laden dinner we are planning to have (or just had). Sometimes (especially to someone as dramatic as me) it seems like it would be easier and more fun to just gain back to 195 pounds (20 pounds lower than I started) and stay there forever. Of course, my orange flowered dress wouldn't fit, and everyone else would secretly think I looked horrible, and I really would look horrible because I wouldn't gain the weight back in the same places. I stick with it because I know that in the end I will be glad I did it and that I will look in the mirror and not see a gangly fucking monkey who moves like a series of broken twigs held together with bubble gum. For now, I just kind of have to suck it up and hang in there, which is no easy task for us drama queens since we always need results yesterday to keep us from slitting our wrists.

The things people don't tell you about weight loss.

When you go to weight watcher's or talk about weight loss with anyone with half a brain, they tell you how great it is to feel thin and how nice it is to be down two pant sizes and how much healthier it is to not be waaaayy off the doctor's weight charts and how much more energy you have and how much your risk of disease is lowered, and how you can fit into clothes you haven't in 8 years. What they don't mention are the grief and loss issues. Yes, I said, "grief and loss". I know that I'm not the only person who has looked in the mirror and gone "who the hell is that? The person who was in that reflection a few months ago was attractive, I don't even know this person" I also am absolutely positive that I am not the only person who lets out a little sigh every time a cool item of clothing goes in the donation bin. Sure, it's great that I now need thinner clothes, but goddamnit I loved those dragon pants, and layne bryant doesn't make them anymore. And it's not just one item of clothing. I had tons and tons of stuff that I loved. Sure, some of it's getting replaced with stuff I love just as much, but some of it isn't and won't be for at least a while. How much sense does it make to buy something for $30-$50 if you know you're only going to wear it for a few months anyways? So, yeah maybe eventually I'll replace the dragon pants with something cool, but 1. it won't be the same and 2. for now I have one fancy pair of jeans (not as cool as the dragon pants)which is rapidly getting too big and 2 plain pairs.
As much as it is good that I need new things and am getting new clothes and a new body, I can't ignore the part of me that says "damnit, I liked those things." I don't like them enough to make myself unhealthy to have them, but I'm still trying to figure out exactly who the heck that person in the mirror is. She certainly doesn't look like me and she certainly doesn't wear my clothes.

I know i'm not the only person who feels this way, but no one talks about it because weight loss is such a positive thing and no one wants to jinx it by saying "damn, what's going on with my body and my clothes?". I'm not jinxing it; I will lose the weight, but I've certainly been saying "damn..." for the last month.

it's been 8 long years...

Like a typicial college kid, i ate alot of ice cream and french fries and hamburgers and egg rolls. This extended into young adulthood when I had even more of a selection of decadent and yummy food and society's normal sense that faster is better, even when it comes to eating. At some point, this ended up with me being 250 pounds. I gradually meandered my way down to 195 through a combination of exercise and medecine (not weight loss medecine, but a side effect is weight loss). I meandered my way back up to 215 pounds through changes in jobs and a fondness for the m&m jar that used to sit on the desk next to mine in birmingham.

Let's back up a little bit...
My aunt has always had a fondness for buying me clothes. Every couple of years, she would take me shopping and buy me extravagant amounts of clothing that I picked out. One year, I picked out several rather cool things including a patchwork broomstick skirt, a tie-dye jimi hendrix shirt and a short and sassy black dress with orange flowers all over it. This dress has stuck with me through all the weight changes and all the new lives and new jobs... in the closet. I was no longer able to wear the dress at about the age of 20, but i stuck it in storage and said "i will wear this again." Through the years, my mother gave away other clothing that i had "outgrown" because of my fondness for chocolate to people who needed it, but I made her promise never to give away this dress. Every couple of years, i would think to myself "you know, this dress is still in the closet, and I'm not any closer to my goal... maybe it should go" but I always decided I wasn't ready to let go. This december I had almost given up hope because after going from a size 22 to an 18 a year and a half prior, I was back up into a 20 mainly due to my love of the incredible food at disney.

So, I started going to weight watcher's. A couple of weeks ago, I realized that I was halfway to my final weight goal and had barely lost a full size. I am in an 18 and the dress is a 14. If I lost 30 pounds and barely went down a full size, then it would make sense that another 30 pounds would be another size at best. So, i had to sit with the realization that my dress may never fit again and I may have to finally drop it in a trash bag and take it to the thrift store.
One morning after trying on something almost brand new only to find it was too big already (thank god for thrift stores when you're losing weight), I grabbed the dress and said "I know this won't fit, but I haven't tried it on in a couple of months."
So I tried it on and it fucking fit. My eyes teared up and I danced around the bathroom at 7:00 in the morning like a moron. After EIGHT fucking years, it fits MOTHERFUCKER!

when did TV stop sucking?

I remember when Whitey and I would follow 2-3 shows per week and fill in the rest of the time with episodes of "dexter's laboratory" and "garfield and friends" that we recorded on the replay because we knew we would have hours and hours on end that we would want to watch TV, but would be unable due to the suckage that was television.
Now we watch so many shows we can barely keep up. I'll go through some of my recent favorites (including some that are now on DVD).

1. "Battlestar Galactica: the new series" on SciFi - This show is absolutely riveting. It is written by some of the head writers from Star Trek deep space nine, and they were allowed to take all the good things they did on that show, and do them even better here. They do tons of character development, and I think my favorite part of this show is the human element. These people are smart, cunning, strong, emotional individual and flawed. There is no utopic overtone with this series. It's a bunch of real people stuck on a bunch of space ships running from a relentless enemy trying to find a home. They don't all say please, thank you, and "captain, it could be a reasonable hypothesis that the cylons might attack at 23:32 because 23:32 is a significant number in the programming of the cylons" They say "move it", "frak you", and "Damnit, i'm telling you the cylons are going to hit in five fraking minutes and you're gonna kill the whole fleet because you're so sure I'm wrong." Great fucking series.

2. "Lost" on ABC - It surprises me that this show ever even got approval to be on network TV because it's so unorthodox and so good. It's a show about some people on an island. The way they wrote the show was to cast it first and then write characters around it. When they started out, they didn't know what the show was going to be about other than "some people crash on an island". They go nuts with the character development and how that plays out in people's interactions, actions and reactions. They also have thrown some nice, bizarre, but not ridiculously contrived twists in there. Actually, this show really throws out some drama and some craxy plot lines without it being ridiculously over the top. The writer's have found an incredible balance between keeping you guessing and not turning the show into an evening soap

3. "Black. White." on A&E (or maybe it was bravo) - This was a six week series where they took a black family and a white family and stuck them in a house together, and through the use of "revolutionary makeup techniques" (air brushing most likely), they were able to make them the opposite race when they went out into the real world. The star of the show turned out to be a 17 year old girl with the determination of a mack truck and a wonderful open attitude. It's worth it to watch the series just to watch her blossom and to see the world through her eyes. Everyone else on the show has interesting perspectives and conflicts as well. It's really intriguing to see their path of discovery (or non-discovery in some people's cases) and the way they go about it. I'm socially conscious because of my career, so this naturally appealed to me, but my husband, who works in computers and not social work, loved this show too.

4. "Wonderfalls" on DVD - Fox screwed this one over royally. They didn't advertise it hardly at all, and they put it in a horrid timeslot and then they pulled it after three episodes. This is a show that needed some time to get word of mouth out because it's not the type of thing alot of people would watch at first glance. IF they had run the whole first season twice, they would have been swamped with letters saying "omg when does wonderfalls season start? tell them to hurry" in between seasons. But as it stands, there was only one season and they were lucky to get it released on DVD. The series is about a Smart ass gen y slacker who starts being spoken to by god. I know, it sounds campy, but it's not. It's dramatic and funny and speaks to anyone with a heart, soul, and a cynical sense of humour.

5. "House, MD" on Fox - House is a brilliant doctor who works on all the near impossible hospital cases and solves them all while arguing that he is right regardless of how stupid it sounds, making buttsex jokes about his colleagues and breaking into his boss' office to snoop through her trash. The combination of mystery, drama, and off the cuff humor in this show keeps you on your toes the entire hour.
The music is also awsome in most cases because thomas neuman (of american beaty fame) writes most of the cues. Like nay other popular show, they use the occasional bad pop song or soft rock ballad or whatever (i wish they wouldn't), but overall it's some of the best music i've heard on a TV show.

The only bad thing about house is the promos. If you've ever seen the promos, you probably think it's a cheap ripoff of ER because they say things like "A mother is ill, a baby is dying, and you will NEVER. GUESS. WHAT CAUSED IT." This is a stupid promo for a show like house because the show is about the doctors and the process they use to figure out the tough cases and the nasty remarks that fly around the room when they are. The baby is a plot device to keep the show going, not the focus of the show.

6. "the Henry Rollins show" on A&E - If any of you know of Henry Rollins recent spoken word tours, you're probably already hooked on the idea of a TV show by him. For those of you who don't know, Henry rollins is a pretty famous musician who was the lead singer of black flag and the rollins band and he now does spoken word tours nationally, internationally, and for the USO. He gets up on a stage and talks for two hours about being a musician, the stae of politics, or whatever it is that comes to mind, and he is INCREDIBLE. So now he has his own show on A&E where he has guests on including Chuck D, and Oliver stone. He Chats with them about their achievements but not in a "so, i heard you're in a movie" sort of way but more in a "your latest movie, 'cinnamonhead' is about the war in the middle east. Tell me about your views and a little bit about the process that lead to you making this movie" sort of way. He also snidely pokes fun at modern technology and public figures and has some incredible (and not necessarily well known) musical guests on the show such as frank black and death cab for cutie.

7. "My name is Earl" on abc(?) - This is a quirky, funny show about a guy who was a complete asshole to a lot of people and has made a list of all his wrongs and is trying to correct them. We haven't actually been following this one very well, mostly because we follow so many other shows right now, but when we do happen to catch it, i'm usually pretty entertained. Jason lee is absolutely perfect for this kind of show because he balances just the right amount of cynicism, cunning and dubiousness to make earl a believable character and earl's world a believable place. Everyone on that show does a bang up job of keeping the quirky little world right where it needs to be.

There are others, but i'm drawing a blank, and i need to get to washing the dishes so we can move them to the new house(damnit). I'll see you guys in a few weeks.

where'd she go?

I just wanted everyone to have a head sup that I won't be around much for the next two to four weeks. Right now, we are in the process of moving to a new house. Once we are moved into the new house on monday, we will not have internet access for 10 days. On day 11, my mother and father get here to visit for a week. So, I won't be posting anything for 10 days, and then I won't be posting much, if anything for the next 7-10 days after that.

let's see, what new things does ahboo know?

sit- he does this 90% of the time with no treat involved

stay- he's extremely good at this one and can even do wierd ass tricks where we walk around him, then go get a treat, then put it on the floor 6 inches in front of him, then stare at him and count to 30 in our head, most of the time (we might repeat ourselves once or twice if he looks antsy to go get the treat). He also is getting better with stopping dead if you tell him to stay when he's walking around.

down- he can do this one pretty well, but he usually needs visual and verbal prompts (we tap the floor with our foot or hand and say "down"). He acutally does this one 99% of the time with visual prompts, but only about like 30-40% with verbal only.

up- we use this right after down usually and he doesn't get it without visual prompts at all. We've been working on this one for a while, but "a while" is relative because he's only been here a month-- i've heard that it takes most dogs 2 weeks to a month to get tricks down pat. We only start working on "up" 7-14 days ago.

He's pretty fucking smart and we can get him to do alot of the tricks with visual only prompts which is interesting and kind of funny looking, but could prove useful especially during phone conversations when he decides my crotch smells like a daisy.

Random News

So, the dog has not needed anymore peroxide cocktails recently as we have learned to just stop letting him have things that are unsafe for him to eat, and have prevented the issue of us not knowing whether or not something is unsafe for puppies, by just not putting anything in the crate with him except his water bowl and the one toy the vet said was okay. He is still cute, and intelligent and defiant. He is also now slightly more sociable as there were4 or 5 dogs at the dog park when we went sunday.

We are moving from the duplex here to a cute little house a few minutes away. This cute little house has a cute little fenced yard so that cute little ahboo can run around. My parents are coming up in a couple of weeks and will probably be the first visitors to the cute little house.

Speaking of visitors, we're going to have some of Chris' and possibly some of my co-workers over this weekend to play games and stuff. That should totally rock... and it will also be the first time since we've been here that we've invited anyone over for anything. I'm already getting excited planning what hors d'ovres to make.

Speaking of food, I've been going to weight watcher's since early february and have lost 28 pounds. This is great except that dropping pounds like flies means dropping clothing like flies... I can buy most stuff from the thrift store, which isn't too bad moneywise (And, dear god i love thrift stores), but I refuse to buy undies and bras and bathing suits from the thrift store, and even getting this stuff from wal-mart can get pretty pricey when you need to replace everything at once.

Finally, I discovered a few more nifty ass things about sandpoint. 1. We totally bloom in the spring. There's shit to do in the winter unless you like to ski, but there's nothing but new and exciting stuff once we hit spring. 2. The internet cafe makes a mean mexican spiced mocha, plays great music, and has a hot girl that works there. 3. AFRICAN DANCE CLASS IN THE PARK BY THE LAKE. Jammin' with mountains in the background; oh yeah. 4. The african teacher said that my nia teacher (the one who i ummm like) wants to start an ecstatic dance thing (it's an improvisational/creative thing) on sunday mornings called "Sweat your prayers out". Now all I have to do is bug her until she does it.

So, that's what's going on in my corner of the world... in case you care

number thirteen

13. Blankets are some serious gourmet shit.

Everything I need to know I learned from being a dog owner....

1. You can lick anything if you are fast enough.
2. You can stick your nose in anyone's crotch if you are cute enough.
3. Asses smell like daisies.
4. You can poop anywhere you want to if you look sad enough afterwards.
5. Walking around in public with your genitalia sticking out is quite attractive.
6. Anything I can't have is automatically cooler than the nice things I'm given.
7. Sleeping in a wire box isn't so bad if you have someone to wait on you hand and foot.
8. I can get as many cookies as I want as long as I wiggle my butt and do what people say.
9. Foam Rubber is tasty.
10. The sound of squeaking is better than the pixies, tori amos, or even the philharmonic.
11. Carpet is not merely a floor covering, it is a long string waiting to be liberated from the confines of oppression under the feet of men.
12. Everything is better with a hole in it.

What I really think of the new dog....

He's amazing. He's brilliant. I love him. I couldn't have asked for a better dog.

BUT

Having a dog is like having a baby. I wake up earlier than I used to, do less things for myself, can't wear nice clothes because they'll just get messed up one way or another, have to think of him before I think of myself. Which leads me to why I am having such a hard time adjust to the new dog.

Having a dog pushes me to places I don't like to be for various reasons. I don't like putting someone/something before me. Not because I'm a selfish whore, but because that's something everyone keeps telling me not to do because my Modus operandi is to allow people to use me up and then ask for more. So now, after years of work on recognizing that I am important, I have to take care of the dog, sometimes at the exclusion of my own needs.

The other place that having a dog pushes me to that I hate is having to be the alpha dog. Let's face it, I am the alpha-nothing. I may not be a complete doormat anymore, but I don't like having to overextend myself to be something I'm not. I am not dominant, I am not authoritative and I do not naturally command respect. Furthermore, if I try to be those things, people (And dogs) still react to me as if I have "Welcome" stamped on my forehead because I still come across as a marshmallow. So essentially, I'm working really hard to do something and failing miserably and it's thrown in my face every time I work with the dog, and especially when I get advice from people on what to do with the dog.

So anyways, in conclusion:

Dog good. Raising a dog? fucking difficult.

the NIA awakening and other ramblings

NIA, or neuromuscular integrative action, is a fitness/health class that integrates 3 martial arts, 3 dance arts and 3 healing arts (like yoga... not like faith healing). NIA is all about moving for yourself, being in the moment , and being aware of your body sensations.

I have a serious awakening of body sensations when i go to class-- related to the instructor. If you saw her picture, you would probably think that there was nothing wrong with her, but also that nothing really stood out. She's not ugly by any means, but she's not the type of person that makes you go "whoah my god what a hot babe" like heather graham would. Nonetheless I have the same impure thoughts about her that I do heather Graham. Something about that young woman just really draws me to her. I can't help but watch her move and have a few interesting daydreams.

I guess I'm commenting on this because I find it odd that I'm actually so attracted to someone who isn't my type and because I find it odd that I am so completely okay with going to see and speak to someone (with no tripping over myself physically or verbally) every week. Usually if I find someone attractive, I don't compose myself too well. The first major tell tale sign that I was attracted to girls was that there was a girl in a bookstore I worked in when I was in college who had the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen and I could not put a straight setence together to save my life. Yet, I hang around my NIA instructor twice a week and she inspires all kinds of interesting thoughts whether I invite them or not, and i'm completely comfortable with her.

For those of you not familiar with this side of me, yes, I am happily married to my awsome husband, and no, i don't want to cheat, and yes, I consider it cheating if someone who is bisexual and married decides to have a relationship with someone of the same gender. I am just very curious about women. Usually it's on a very base, physical level, and involves daydreams about incredibly hot women, which is also partly why this attraction is so interesting to me. It really makes you wonder how we are who we are sometimes.

Everyone kind of has rules of thumb that apply to them. When someone says "oh, Tom wouldn't do that", it's because his character is such that he generally only does certain things. But there's always exceptions to rules. I generally only like women who I think are incredibly hot, but I am drawn to my NIA teacher; my husband doesn't generally enjoy dancing, but he took a tango lesson with me on valentines last year and loved it; my mother was never into frilly things, but in the last year she has become the consummate girly girl and paints her nails and wears earrings on a regular basis; people who never act out against anyone end up assaulting people. IT's just so curious and so interesting that things are the way they are.

my opinion of the new dog...

... I think this picture of his harness sums it up pretty well:

quiz

i love the quizzes rach posts but i don't usually post them here. but i like this one becuase it's pretty damn accurate:

the Romantic Test finished!

you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR. "I am unique" Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive. How to Get Along with Me Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me. Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself. Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision. Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little. Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting! What I Like About Being a Four my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level my ability to establish warm connections with people admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor being unique and being seen as unique by others having aesthetic sensibilities being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me What's Hard About Being a Four experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved feeling guilty when I disappoint people feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me expecting too much from myself and life fearing being abandoned obsessing over resentments longing for what I don't have Fours as Children Often have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s are very sensitive feel that they don't fit in believe they are missing something that other people have attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc. become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce) Fours as Parents help their children become who they really are support their children's creativity and originality are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings are sometimes overly critical or overly protective are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages You liked the test? so please RATE it... but remember! it had only two questions!!! ;-) You are not completely happy with the result?! You chose BY Would you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) CY (SIX) BX (NINE) BZ (FIVE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 26% on ABC You scored higher than 54% on XYZ

Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test