Friday, July 8, 2005

For the girls...

Alright, not all people who watch porn and use it in it's other forms are men. However, I think there is a higher percentage of women who say "icky! porn is bad!" than there are men. Many women tend to get their fix from romance novels. Why a romance novel is more acceptable than pornographic stories or erotica is completely beyond me. Some romance novels are heavy on the romance and light on the physical stuff. The kind of romance novels my friends and I read in high school, however, were very descriptive about exactly how long someone's tongue was in someone else's mouth and how it felt and how it felt when the girl had a man inside her for the first time and precisly how slowly he had undressed her, etc.
Society as a whole generally accepts romance novels as okay. I generally have no problem with this. Romance novels are really fun to read, but the thing you often don't realize as a virginal high school girl is that, above anything else, they are fantasy. These things are designed to be these amazing wonderful, awsome, "sweep you off your feet" fairytales. They generally depict a somehwat skewed idea of how relationships work and how sex works... So Here's my list for the ladies (or anyone who reads romance novels but does not watch porn)

1. Your love interest will probably not have any body part that could be described as "chiseled".
2. Pursuing "the love of your life" while involved with someone else is not generally a good idea and will not magically work out to be okay.
3. Things will not magically fall into place despite impossible odds because you are "destined to be with" someone.
4. "he" will not always "come to his senses" and choose you over the domineering, money grubbing twat.
5. There is a possibility that you will love more than one person in your lifetime.
6. You are probably not an adorable wisp of a woman with perfect, long, flowing hair. Any guy who can't deal with this isn't worth your time.
7. Calling a male's genitals his "manhood" and a female's genitals her "wet sex" will only get you laughed at.
8. It isn't going to be "heaven" the first time a man "enters you". It will be awkward and it might even hurt a little bit.
9. "Waiting until you're married" is harder than it sounds like it would be. That in no way means you shouldn't do it if that's what you feel is best for you, but know that it may be harder than you expect.
10. If you feel the urge to kiss a stranger you've never seen until 2 seconds ago... Walk away and seek professional help if necessary. Making out with random guys generally results in bad things and not in a life long relationship.
11. "He" will probably not like everything you do in bed. The entire human body is not an un-ticklish, perfectly sensitive erogenous zone. However, this is not a problem so long as he offers suggestions for what he does like instead of putting you down for doing things "wrong". There is no right or wrong way, just ways different people like things.
12. "He" will not automatically know how to "do everything right". Your lover is not anymore psychic than you are. Positive communication is key.
13. Sex is a beautiful thing and it will be a hell of a lot of fun when you're with the right person.

1 comment:

Roger said...

Well, being a guy I've not read (m)any romance novels but you make valid points I could agree with.