Personalizing

I always personalize at home... If whitey says "could you do the dishes" I always hear "why didn't you do the dished two days ago you lazy whore?", and react accordingly. This is a bad thing as it causes lots of unneccesary arguments and name calling. I have also lately been interpreting eye rolls when I recieve calls from clients after hours as "your job fucking sucks and so do you." Again, not a good thing as it tends to make me either defensive or rediculously clingy ("are you sure you don't hate me?").

I have started personalizing some things at work too. This is very bad and also very odd. I almost never personalize stuff at work and when I do, it's generally not something small. But right now, we have a new worker and she started seeing one of my clients as a way to get my client more socialized and such. My client is more comfortable with her. This bugs me to no end. I just keep thinking that I did something wrong and that my bosses are going to scold me for something. The thing is, I can't see anything I've done wrong.

The only difficult thing that I could potentially be handling wrong is that said client is in crisis right now and the other worker has mostly been dealing with it. I don't want the client to feel that I don't support her. However, She seems to feel alot more comfortable with the other worker as she'll barely even discuss the details of the crisis with me. This bugs me even more. If I really look at it though, what she really needs is to be comfortable, and if this is the way to make that happen, then I just need to let go and realize that some people get along better with certain people.

The only thing I could have done better with her was to see her more often. No one is going to fault me for this because I have a heavy case load. I should try to keep it in mind in the future, however, so that I make sure my clients are all getting the right amount of attention.

I also think this feeling of "doing something wrong" is a part of the normal "work paranoia" I get the first few months on the job. I'm acutally doing pretty good considering this is the first time I've really freaked out that "OMFG I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG". I have a tendency to do that so much in the first few months of a job that I actually hinder my performance. What usually messes me up the most in a job is my fear of not doing things correctly. Given that I'm about 2 months in and it's only hit twice in fairly minor ways, I'd say I'm doing pretty damn good. I haven't heard a word of complaint from supervisors, but I'm used to supervisors saving up complaints, so that still makes me a little nervous, but I know if I just ride it out, I'll be fine.

I think that's the biggest lessons in life... When difficulty or uncertainty comes, think is through, but don't excessivley worry. Then just put on some music, relax, and enjoy the ride.