Perfectionism

While my earlier post on perfection was somewhat done jokingly, I really do feel like that some days. It really feels like I'm being consumed by guilt and self-hatred for not having done the smallest of things correctly.

I always struggle with perfectionism, and I feel like I have done well in my job up until now. I am still mostly doing okay, but some day I a m going to burst into tears, walk into the office, and tell them "I fucking quit because I am a worthless social worker" over the fact that I didn't have time to take a client to wal-mart when they really wanted to go. This example is only slightly exaggerated.

I have an extremely difficult time with the idea that I actually know my stuff and am a good social worker. I have a very difficult time with the fact that I am not going to fulfill everyone's needs, make all the impulsive clients see the error of their ways, make it to meetings on time and get all my notes in on time with every single I dotted and t crossed. It doesn't fucking happen. No one can do this. Yet, I want to go absolutely ballistic if even one of these things is wrong. Why? Who the hell knows?

The best answer I can come up with is "because I'm imperfect." It's funny to think that perfectionism in and of itself makes someone imperfect, but I think it's true. I absolutely believe that perfectionism is a problem to be overcome and not an ideal lifestyle. How funny is that that perfectionism by it's very nature makes you imperfect?
Isn't it ironic... Don't you think?