There was indeed a non-depressing, non-pessimistic santa letter this year. It's not as classic as last years, but it wasn't bad, and it gave dear old santa enough to work with.
My letter to Santa:
Dear Santa,
This year i need magic wands for the following things:
1. to make edgar allen poe appear so that i can always have someone to
help me say what i want to express. Writing this letter has been darn
near impossible, but I thought you would worry about me if i didn't
write a letter.
2. to make anyone below the age of 6 fall asleep instantly so that i
can finally get kids down for nap without gaining anymore grey hairs
3. to make allergies go away so my husband doesn't have to snore and
wake me up in the middle of the night. And maybe because I don't want
his throat to hurt all the time either.
4. To make the dog stay away from my hot dogs by giving him a little
magical shock if he ever goes near them again.
I also would like a nifty robot that takes the dog outside when it is
cold or rainy.
Give my husband and family anything they want. They have been better
than angels this year.
I hope your year is wonderful. I'll leave a gift certificate for a
massage next to your cookies this year. All that work has got to
leave a man stressed out.
--Hillary
Santa's Reply to me:
Hello Hillary and a Merry 2007 Christmas
I can understand needin some help with writing stuff, Lord knows I have a
problem with that also.
One of the elves thot that it would be a good idea to write an autobiography
but it went something like this.
First year on the job, get elve crews organized and make every toy
imaginable, get raindeer in training for the big one day trip, work like
crazy until Dec. 23. Work realy crazy on Dec 24. Take a loooong trip in a
sled packed with a lot of toys and stuff and make sure all the right stuff
gets to all the rite houses.
Get full of good cookies, hot chocolate and ohter goodies.
Go home and rest for 4 to 6 months.
Find out where all the elves went.
Get all elves back from Florida, Hawaii and Southern Califronia. Seems
packages weren't the only things getting off the sled during my trip to
deliver the presents.
Then repeat every year since then. NOT much of the makings of a book or a
poem !
But might be interestin to write about all the neat technolgy that we've
seen -- and the elves they now are real good usin the technology to findin
new "vacation" spots via the internet --
And using the blackberry to text message and write e-mails as the reindeer
and I are travelling from town to town.
and funny that Poe guy was one of ur dad's favrite authors - Before we
conjur his literary spirut there's some things you might want to know about
the other stuff he did beside writin. As I remember, ur dad was not all
that good with histry but I bet he remembers some of the things that Poe
did. I heard a story that Poe could jump farther than my lead reindeer !
As far as gettin kids to take a nap without causin more gray hair - look at
me , mine's white now ! Seems like it only took a year or so for that to
happen after I took this job --
Word is ur dad was one of the wurst for not sleepin and not lettin people
sleep when he was little so don't bother to ask HIM for advice on that one.
Allergies are not fun and I truly hope ur husband's can get better so he can
feel better and everyone can get some sleep.
I've got some elves that have reindeer allergies and some that say they are
allergic to snow (!) --- and that's the reason why they stow away and jump
out of the sled in Florida, Hawaii and Southern CA.
As far as the hot dogs go my dogs have informed me that the rules in the dog
world are:
If it gets close to the floor it could be mine - if I'm fast enough meaning
faster than anyone else around.
If it gets to the floor it's like a fumble in a football game - whoever gets
there first gets to try to keep it. The best way to keep it is to eat it
quickly. Gulping whole hot dogs is allowed and even preferred in these
situations.
If I get it I can try to keep it using other means including running and
hiding it somewhere -- in an obscure place where you might find it a few
months later when it looks like a biology experiment gone wrong.
To help on the hot dog avoidance training of ur really nice dog I do have
one elf that is quicker than greased ligtning taht I can loan you for a few
months.
This elf is so fast that our dogs don't even try any more. He'll probably
work pretty cheap just to get out of this cold weather for a few months.
Just a warning tho - he has a real soft spot for some kind of dog called a
labradoodle dog.
As far as something for taking the dog outside start watchin them late night
commercials on TV.
The elves have informed me that they know how to use the surplus of the
robot lawn mowers and vacuums to turn them into a totally different product
that may sweep the market soon(or so they think) AND it sounds like just
what your lookin for -so maybe there is a market after all.
The elves tell me that the basic model will walk the dog for you, the delux
model will walk the dog and clean up his mess. Optional accessories will
include things like GPS tracking via the internet so yu can tell the
location of the robot and your dog.
I'll do the best I can for all the saints out there this year !!!
The cookies sound good and I'm not really sure about this massage thing -
Usually Mrs. Claus and several of the reindeer walk up down my back after
the long trip and it seems to put me bak into shape quikly - that and a
couple of nips from the bottle that a guy up in Tennessee leaves for me
every year and I'm ready to go again !
Santa
No comments:
Post a Comment