I know more about parenting than you do

If you are a parent, you are responsible for your child... in everything... until they can be independent or you can responsibly find them a safe place to be other than your home...period. No one is perfect, and we all fuck things up, but there are some obvious goddamn things that you should/shouldn't do as a parent (btw, this does not apply to anyone that i know that reads this blog--all of you that i've met are really good parents).
1. If the kid is in public and is screaming or otherwise disrupting others, you should do something about it. It is your job to teach them polite behavior. It is not your job to "deal with" the fact that they hit someone, are screaming, called their grandma a fattie or are otherwise being disrespectful or disruptive by saying "oh, they're just kids." I am a ranting fucking lunatic, but I *knew* by the time i was five exactly how i should behave and what would happen if I didn't. I still know how to behave in public when I want to, but the choice is mine. You're not being mean to your kids by disciplining them, you are giving them a choice. If they don't know that hauling off and smacking someone they are mad at is mean and considered unacceptable, then they can't choose to be acceptable or unacceptable. I *know* how to be acceptable and docile if I choose to, but I also know how to raise holy hell if I feel it is necessary.
2. "Do as I say, not as I do".... UGH UGH UGH. You know, I know this is a hard one sometimes because you may have picked up a bad habit that you don't want the kid to have, but if you do it, they will. The important thing is that, once you pick up the bad habit that you don't want them to have, you need to make a visible effort to quit... many if necessary--as many as it takes until it sticks or you die. Also don't EVER discipline a kid for hitting someone or being mean or being aggressive by smacking them OMG.
3. Don't make selfish choices that put your child's life, emotional state, mental stability or overall chance at life in danger. Seriously, fucking pay attention. Again, we all make mistakes, but shit this major, you should see coming and at least try to prevent it.

You know what, I know that since i do not have any... darling angels of my own that I cannot possibly understand how difficult it is to be a parent or all the shit you're up against, but A. I taught daycare and if crazy ass unstable me can halfway control a kid, most people can do SOMETHING. and B. ...*sigh* I need to shut up.
I don't expect anyone (except myself) to be perfect, but just... TRY--not for me, but for your kids--they didn't ask to be born, so do your best to help them figure all this crazy shit out. Life hurts enough when you understand how it works and you have good influences/examples in your life and you have some sort of structure and reliability... don't make them go through life without these things.

my "girlfriend"

Amanda Palmer posted on her blog about being in the studio again and a million other random things like she always does. I always like what she writes but then I saw this:

"i’ve forgotten exactly what it’s like to be sitting at the piano for the first time with a microphone shoved into your mind.
god it’s hard. your brain spins with pain and regret at every miniscule mistake and you want to destory your imperfect self with a sledgehammer."

YES!
Creativity, art expression, music, dance, jewelry, drawing: it's like having an amplifier on your brain and soul. It utterly infuriating if what you see or hear yourself do isn't an accurate reflection of you or if you see that you're not what you want to be... no matter how minuscule the difference between the ideal and reality is. In fact that's always infuriating and I always get out the emotional sledge hammer, and everyone doesn't know WTH to do with that... most people try to reassure me, but i know what i heard or saw or felt, so then the sledgehammer gets turned on them. Not good, but I always wish that just one person would get this. Amanda does.

It's why I love her and want to have her children.

can i just go live in my cave now?

Life is generally good but the last few days...
I'm tired and want to go live in a cave and never come out.

being alone is lonely, being around normal people is boring and being around complicated people is lovely... until they decide to be complicated ...

I always feel lonely, due in part to the fact that I don't have a lot of friends and the ones I do have have their own lives. I don't have a lot of friends, because I'm an ass and I tend to forget people, leave them out of the loop, never call them when they give me their phone number and practically beg me to do so, etc.
Or I used to. Now, I either intend to call you until the end of time or I cling like a crazy velcro monkey because I'm to the point in my life where I really want people around me. However, me being me, I can't be happy with normal people who smile blankly and talk about "having case of the Mondays" with no sarcasm. I have to have amazing people with complex emotions who are just as batshit crazy as I am. Happy Complicated and crazy is fine.. it's better than fine... it's fucking amazing. Upset, complicated and crazy... is tiring, especially when you're complicated and crazy and prone to getting upset and so are those around you. Now I just feel like my life is an emotional cluster fuck and I'm tired and just want it to go away.

Add To this other normal things like dogs eating unidentified objects off the floor that might be chocolate and you get... A crazy woman typing a blogpost at almost midnight on a worknight because she has nothing else to do while she waits for the dog's head to explode.
I am complicated enough without adding anything to it. Add a husband friends and family, and it becomes a beautiful disaster of proportions unknown to man. Add to that the responsibility for another life?
Wait, why would anyone add "responsibility for keeping something alive" to "natural disaster of a human being?" I don't know. I am not fit to be responsible for myself much less something else. In fact, this is really tiring. Can I go live in a cave now please? seriously?

excue me, is this YOUR nose?

If *I* am okay with the fact that my husband might quit his job before he has a new one or if *I* am okay with the fact that he avoids formal and work events like the plague, why?... what?.. *sigh*
Why do i even have to defend this? If my husband says "XYZ" Why does an 'adult' have to say "No, ABC" in a tone that says "this is what normal, responsible people do." We ARE NOT NORMAL and there's a reason we do not have children (okay there are many), and it is so that we are not responsible for fucking up anyone else's lives with our crazy ass decisions. Mind you, I know I stick my nose where it doesn't belong too, but my husband is 34 and married. He does not need a 'grown up' to remind him of societal norms that are stupid and designed to make people crazy. Also,why is it assumed that because I am quiet, I am just letting this happen or quietly disagreeing... PERHAPS I am as crazy as he is and am completely okay with this. I like him the way he is, even if that doesn't fit a mold... in fact, IT'S WHY I MARRIED HIM. Mind you, the 'grown-ups' in question don't mind people who think outside the box, they very quickly get to a point where they think it is "too much" and he needs to be reminded how he 'should' act. The only "too much" is what we decide is too much for whatever our reasons might be.

Seriously. None. of. your. business.

Suggestions and ideas are welcome. Commands and forcing your way of thinking on us... screw that!

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a ikabwi4raw;oqaastkvnrlitn;ono;9AAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaAAAaaaaAAAaaaaAAAaAAAAAAaAaAaAAaAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaFUCK!
that is all.