On the moving debate

Since our little moving debate has become somewhat public, I thought I'd post my thoughts here.

My husband is miserable here, and I definitely don't want that. He seems to be happy with the idea of moving back to alabama and I have really been thinking about this. I would love to go back to my old dance classes and my pilates teacher and all the cute little local businesses in homewood and crestwood and hoover, etc. However, What I keep coming back to is this: I don't want to work in alabama again. Why? First and foremost, I don't want to leave this job because it is an incredible match for my skills and temprament. Second, if I have to leave this job, I would prefer not to work somewhere where there is no such thing as a non-christian agency and very few non-christian anythings.

There are lots of Christians up here, but I feel like everyone pretty much keeps thier nose out of your business unless you put it there. In alabama, I feel like I have to pretend to be Christian unless I want alot of wierd looks and questioning of my mental stability. This also ties into the general attitude difference between the two places. I just danced in my underwear in front of the entire populace of sandpoint in a show where everyone performed in their underwear or sang about their underwear or thier body parts or something otherwise lewd and funny. More than likely, such a show would not exist in the south. If it did, there's a good possiblity there'd be protesters. Also if it did, I would not ask my employer if I could be in it or even acklowledge that I knew anything about it because if I did, I would get alot of strange looks and quite possibly people would start questioning whether or not I was the type of person who needed to be working with clients.

I just want to live somewhere where it's okay to be me. I'm willing to sacrifice alot at least on a temporary basis to be somewhere where I can be comfortable with being myself. I'm also willing to sacrifice alot to be able to have a job where they appreciate me for me and don't just constantly ask "WHY DON'T YOU FIT OUR MOLD?!?!?!" a thousand times a day in various forms. Finding a place that has a mix of those two things is going to be difficult. It's also very difficult to figure out what's what unless you live somewhere and work there for a couple of months.

At this point, I'm kind of like "damnded if i know what to do" because there is only one birmingham and chris wants to be somewhere alot like birmingham. I've looked at some other cities and it's damn difficult to find the right mix of factors for both of us. The more I think about it, the more I'm like "fuck it, let's just go back there since it's the only place that meets Chris' Criteria." I just don't get a good gut feeling about working there again.

If there's one thing I've learned to trust in making judgements, it's my gut. You may think, I'm crazy, but your gut is the thing that gets you through almost everything in social work. The LCSW who's training me told me how to assess suicide by saying "I ask them thier plan, etc., I spend about a half hour with them, and then if at the end of the half hour, I will be able to go home and sleep, I go home. If not, they go to the hospital." If I can use my gut to assess whether or not someone is going to be alive in the morning, then why not for where not to move?

It's not that I don't love my friends and family and that I wouldn't absolutely love to go back to my dance class. It's jsut that, I'm not as invested in being near them as Chris is if they're going to live in a place where I would feel stifled and out of place.

All this speculation leads me to speculation of what it would take for me to move and be happy. One thing that I keep coming up with is the ability to sit in the house and do nothing/work on the jewelry business until I find a job that suits me correctly (or forever...). The problem with this is that I have no money saved up because i spent it all on beads and clothes and christmas presents. I have no grounds to say "hey, uh, why don't you support me in a place where we definitely need 2 full-time incomes and that has an unkown job stability while I doodle around the house and figure out what I want to do when I grow up" without being able to add "Here's three months rent, and I will take care of the phone bill and groceries".
Of course, there's also the usual junk like regular dance/nia/pilates/whatever classes, availability of craft shows, a good bead store, etc. However, most of that stuff can be dealt with one way or another by me.
The only other big thing is the whole political/religious/general attitude climate, which is something there's absolutely nothing I can do to change.

I'm just kind of rambling and musing in circles at this point, Do I should stop.
Anyways, that's where I'm at on the whole moving debate.