Remember way back when in Novemeber 08 when I went on my birthday trip/wine tour? I mentioned that I set foot in a church twice and have been meaning to post about it ever since, but have just never felt like I had adequate time.
The first time was for a memorial service for Crossroads House, a "comfort home" similar to a hospice house. My grandmother was there in the first few months of them being open, and they held a ten year anniversary memorial service this november. My mother, my aunt and I went. I was pleasantly surprised. In fact, it was quite beautifal and soothing. There was not a lot of religion brought up, and those things that were had no undertones of conversion or condemnation. It was kind of like a very large group greif counseling session. I was impressed by all the staff members, volunteers and speakers, how kind they were and how happy they seemed. They have one of the hardest jobs you could ever imagine and not only do they do it with a smile, they welcome back grieving family members with open arms to help them through their pain too. I don't see how they do it. I was in awe.
The second time I went to church, we were planning on going somewhere not too long afterward with my aunt, and I had found nothing else to do that morning because my cousin Renee' was busy, and everyone else was at church. They were trying to convince me to go, and my mom said "they sing a lot at your aunt's church" and my aunt said, "yeah, and it won't kill you to go." To which I just shrugged and said, I guess youre right. So, we went, and I sang and sang and sang. And one of the songs really touched me and enlightened me. It's a song called Hiding Place by new life worship. The lyrics talk about using god as a "hiding place" when times are tough. As I sung "I will run to the hiding place" at the tops of my lungs I realised something: I have a hiding place, and it is not, nor will it ever be a church or a god. My hiding place is creativity. If life drops a storm cloud on top of me, I don't look for a spiritual guide, or take comfort in the words of an ancient book, I go dance, I make jewelry, I choregraph something, I cook, I sing along with the radio or I improv in a room by myself. This is where I am happiest and most comfortable. Seeking comfort in the Christian God has always lead me to guilt for being human. Seeking comfort in dance and creativity has always led me to feeling better, improving my self esteem, and, usually, gaining insight on my problems.
For a long time, I have felt that "God is a DJ" by Faithless has been my theme song when it comes to religion. It says "this is my church, this is where I heal my hurts"... "For tonight god is a DJ". I realized in that moment in chuch that this is absolutely who I am, I have no desire to change, and there's nothing wrong with it. Many followers of various religions believe that you need god to survive. I believe that you need a hiding place, be it god, or art, or friends, and you need faith in something, be it god, horse races, or Pam anderson's breasts. My faith is in the ability of the human race to improve and to become more. The less I thinkabout it, the more I realize I am a classic secular humanist, and that being such, does no less than any good religious follower. So, I am going to continue being exactly who I am, and I encourage you to do the same. Find your hiding place, keep faith and hope strong, and don't let anyone tell you you're less of a person for what you believe.
Okay, yes I will hop down off the soapbox now.... I promise to make my next post about violence or sex lest you think I've lost my mind.
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