Tuesday, August 29, 2006
i hope you're fucking happy.
It is pre 6 am and i have been up long enough to get dressed, feed the dog and eat breakfast. I hope you assholes realize how motherfucking important you must be for me to get up at 5 goddamn thiry in the morning to come nad see your sorry asses.
Monday, August 28, 2006
i'm so totally the most interesting person ever.
Well... I've been trying to think of something to say here because there's alot going on, but the fact of the matter is, it's not the most exciting stuff ever. Nonetheless, this thing is here so that I can keep you assholes updated on my life, so here goes:
The dog got sprayed by a skunk a week or so ago. We were up late that night figuring out how to make it so our poor baby could see and taste (we're pretty sure he got sprayed right between the eyes) and not smell like a stink factory. We bathed him and such and now he smells only mildly like a stink factory as does the rest of the house.
In other news, I don't take good care of my teeth because I'm a moron and so I had to have one removed. The poor dentists never make a case for themselves because they either poke things and aggravate them (damnit my abcessed tooth didn't hurt BEFORE i got it check out, but it did afterward) or they handle my squirming and whining ineptly. I had one dentist (not the one here) just keep telling me to calm down and stop shaking because he wasn't going to hurt me like a previous dentist did. The more I shook, the more he insisted as if telling me could somehow make it so I could cure a 5 year long very ingrained phobia in 30 seconds because a man with a firm voice was telling me to do so. I've had dentists who deal with my squirming by stopping and asking what's going on. The dentist who pulled my tooth out was somewhere in the middle. He thought I could will myself to not behave like an afraid 5 year old backed into a corner, but he did eventually realize that some of the squirming and whining had to do with real pain and not just fear of pain, so he did the best he could to fix it.
So when the trauma was overwith, I went christmas shopping with gause tucked firmly in my mouth and used the time walking around to let the copious amounts of adrenaline workt heir way out of my system.
I think the best and worst part of having something like that done is eating. It gives you license to do things like go to kfc and order mashed potatoes with gravy, and baked beans. However, it severely limits what you eat and if you're on a diet or if you're tired of oat bran for the 5th meal in a row, you're kind of screwed.
So, I was off the diet for a couple of days, but I did the best I could to be sensible, eat healthy stuff and somehow get nutrients in there.
Also in other news, we are coming to alabama next week. We are definitely looking forward to seeing friends and family. Whitey is not looking forward to leaving the dog here (we have a nanny coming to check on him) but I am looking forward to throwing a "no ahboo" party every day during vacation! I love Ahboo, but it's still like having a 2 year old child to raise a dog--especially when you're the one he constantly challenges for pack position.
And the last news I can think of is that whitey and I are very seriously considering moving back to alabama by the end of october. I have very mixed feelings about this as usual, but i'm sure you could all repeat the reasons why in your sleep at this point. Although, if we move in october, a week before halloween would be excellent. What's halloween without Nimish naked in a bathtub?
The dog got sprayed by a skunk a week or so ago. We were up late that night figuring out how to make it so our poor baby could see and taste (we're pretty sure he got sprayed right between the eyes) and not smell like a stink factory. We bathed him and such and now he smells only mildly like a stink factory as does the rest of the house.
In other news, I don't take good care of my teeth because I'm a moron and so I had to have one removed. The poor dentists never make a case for themselves because they either poke things and aggravate them (damnit my abcessed tooth didn't hurt BEFORE i got it check out, but it did afterward) or they handle my squirming and whining ineptly. I had one dentist (not the one here) just keep telling me to calm down and stop shaking because he wasn't going to hurt me like a previous dentist did. The more I shook, the more he insisted as if telling me could somehow make it so I could cure a 5 year long very ingrained phobia in 30 seconds because a man with a firm voice was telling me to do so. I've had dentists who deal with my squirming by stopping and asking what's going on. The dentist who pulled my tooth out was somewhere in the middle. He thought I could will myself to not behave like an afraid 5 year old backed into a corner, but he did eventually realize that some of the squirming and whining had to do with real pain and not just fear of pain, so he did the best he could to fix it.
So when the trauma was overwith, I went christmas shopping with gause tucked firmly in my mouth and used the time walking around to let the copious amounts of adrenaline workt heir way out of my system.
I think the best and worst part of having something like that done is eating. It gives you license to do things like go to kfc and order mashed potatoes with gravy, and baked beans. However, it severely limits what you eat and if you're on a diet or if you're tired of oat bran for the 5th meal in a row, you're kind of screwed.
So, I was off the diet for a couple of days, but I did the best I could to be sensible, eat healthy stuff and somehow get nutrients in there.
Also in other news, we are coming to alabama next week. We are definitely looking forward to seeing friends and family. Whitey is not looking forward to leaving the dog here (we have a nanny coming to check on him) but I am looking forward to throwing a "no ahboo" party every day during vacation! I love Ahboo, but it's still like having a 2 year old child to raise a dog--especially when you're the one he constantly challenges for pack position.
And the last news I can think of is that whitey and I are very seriously considering moving back to alabama by the end of october. I have very mixed feelings about this as usual, but i'm sure you could all repeat the reasons why in your sleep at this point. Although, if we move in october, a week before halloween would be excellent. What's halloween without Nimish naked in a bathtub?
Saturday, August 19, 2006
why?
Days like this make me wonder why I agreed to get a dog.
I love ahboo, I really do, but I don't like disrupting my damn day for diarreah, puke and FUCKING SKUNK SPRAYS. The house smells, I smell, the dog is upset, my head is starting to hurt and my asthma is threatening too.
Things like this also remind me of how ill prepared I am for certain types of stress. I can stare down a suicidal client any day and come out of it looking like I just got a massage, but shit like bugs in the house and the dog getting sprayed by skunks freak me the fuck out... which is bad because Ahboo knows when I'm freaked out and he gets freaked out, and he's an easily excitable and nervous dog. If you're a dog owner and something odd happens, then if you act like it's odd, you make your dog nervous, but if you act like it's nothing, then your dog doesn't care. Poor Ahboo was already half blind and tasting nasty stuff (and foaming at the mouth) and his stupid mom started acting nervous...
oh, well. We'll noth live. Whitey however, might lose it from having to deal with both of us ;)
I love ahboo, I really do, but I don't like disrupting my damn day for diarreah, puke and FUCKING SKUNK SPRAYS. The house smells, I smell, the dog is upset, my head is starting to hurt and my asthma is threatening too.
Things like this also remind me of how ill prepared I am for certain types of stress. I can stare down a suicidal client any day and come out of it looking like I just got a massage, but shit like bugs in the house and the dog getting sprayed by skunks freak me the fuck out... which is bad because Ahboo knows when I'm freaked out and he gets freaked out, and he's an easily excitable and nervous dog. If you're a dog owner and something odd happens, then if you act like it's odd, you make your dog nervous, but if you act like it's nothing, then your dog doesn't care. Poor Ahboo was already half blind and tasting nasty stuff (and foaming at the mouth) and his stupid mom started acting nervous...
oh, well. We'll noth live. Whitey however, might lose it from having to deal with both of us ;)
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Holding the tent up with a toothpick
Whitey is hating his job and every night he says "I don't want to go to bed because I don't want to get up in the morning because then I'll have to go to work." I remember being this way and it sucked. I was working at a place as an instructor for 14 MR adults. I was not very good at my jobs because I was too damn green to be able to run a classroom and too damn green to realize that on no planet in no century can I run a classroom. My boss and I did not communicate well despite my honest efforts to understand where she was coming from. This ultimately led to my firing, but after a certain point I ceased caring and ceased trying to explain myself to her because I knew she wasn't going to listen anyways. Somehow I managed to stick it out until I got fired, but I'm not entirely sure how. I think it was because I was going on job interviews and because I had a fun boyfriend to come home to every night. So, I had some things to give me hope for something better.
What I'm trying to say is that I understand the overwhelming desire to walk in and say "kiss my ass, I quit" drop trou and then leave. It's not good to work when you constantly feel like crap and are constantly afraid of what might happen because everyone you work with either wants to leave or is probablly going to get fired and are constantly "dreaming of a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell".
So, as haphazard and awkward as it may sound, at some point we may just say "alright we're turning in our two weeks notice and we're going to Alabama." This whole idea sounds kind of insane to me, but it also kind of sounds like the right thing to do. I don't want to leave behind my clients or the great weather here or my dance classes by the beach, or the job where I can wear khaki shorts and call it "professional work clothing" but I think at least one person in this house will lose it if we don't come up with a plan to get out of here sometime soon. Alabama happens to be our best option for getting out soon because we could easily find a place to stay, people to hang out with, etc.
Let me say that there's a lot of things that still really turn me off about going to Alabama, but I realize that right now there is no ideal situation and that if I want friends near me, I'll have to live with constant 90 degree weather with 90% humidity and a bunch of religious people who will drive me bonkers. Actually, I am starting to realize that there are PLENTY of liberals hiding in Alabama, we're just not a very vocal group. A psychiatrist I used to work with who was very Christian and family centered, one started talking about the ills in the world and how his son "nailed a professor to the wall" for saying things about how the administration was much better now that bush is in power. I would NEVER have suspected that he was politically liberal at all. I think there are people in Alabama who can identify with me, but it's going to take some doing to find them. Anyone want to start a non-political social group for liberals?
While I'm asking questions... Anyone know any IT or social services places that are hiring in northern Alabama (preferably Huntsville)? Anyone want to deal with two ill-tempered house guests and their cute but oatmeal brained dog in exchange for a little rent and groceries? Anyone wanna come to northern Idaho and help us load a u-haul with all our shit? Anyone getting annoyed by me asking imposing questions and whining about Alabama weather yet? ;)
What I'm trying to say is that I understand the overwhelming desire to walk in and say "kiss my ass, I quit" drop trou and then leave. It's not good to work when you constantly feel like crap and are constantly afraid of what might happen because everyone you work with either wants to leave or is probablly going to get fired and are constantly "dreaming of a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell".
So, as haphazard and awkward as it may sound, at some point we may just say "alright we're turning in our two weeks notice and we're going to Alabama." This whole idea sounds kind of insane to me, but it also kind of sounds like the right thing to do. I don't want to leave behind my clients or the great weather here or my dance classes by the beach, or the job where I can wear khaki shorts and call it "professional work clothing" but I think at least one person in this house will lose it if we don't come up with a plan to get out of here sometime soon. Alabama happens to be our best option for getting out soon because we could easily find a place to stay, people to hang out with, etc.
Let me say that there's a lot of things that still really turn me off about going to Alabama, but I realize that right now there is no ideal situation and that if I want friends near me, I'll have to live with constant 90 degree weather with 90% humidity and a bunch of religious people who will drive me bonkers. Actually, I am starting to realize that there are PLENTY of liberals hiding in Alabama, we're just not a very vocal group. A psychiatrist I used to work with who was very Christian and family centered, one started talking about the ills in the world and how his son "nailed a professor to the wall" for saying things about how the administration was much better now that bush is in power. I would NEVER have suspected that he was politically liberal at all. I think there are people in Alabama who can identify with me, but it's going to take some doing to find them. Anyone want to start a non-political social group for liberals?
While I'm asking questions... Anyone know any IT or social services places that are hiring in northern Alabama (preferably Huntsville)? Anyone want to deal with two ill-tempered house guests and their cute but oatmeal brained dog in exchange for a little rent and groceries? Anyone wanna come to northern Idaho and help us load a u-haul with all our shit? Anyone getting annoyed by me asking imposing questions and whining about Alabama weather yet? ;)
Wednesday, August 9, 2006
Pack up the fucking tent already
I've always been a vry concrete thinker and very impatient: black or white, up or down, go or don't go, shit or get off the pot but do it NOW! We've pretty much decided we're getting the hell out of here and probably going to break the lease to do it. We've also decided we probably will go back to Alabama (more on that in a minute). But now it requires finding jobs and updating resume's and figuring out how to move all of our stuff, and figuring out how to move our son, ahboo, and oh, Jesus Christ can we just fucking do it already? Can't we just get on the plane to Alabama and not come back? If we're gonna go, I wanna go and be done with it. I hate uncertainty and waiting and such. I know how we could make our trip a one way instead of a vacation (at least in theory) but no one has a job lined up or a place to stay or anything, so I have to sit it on it until all that is ready even if I am ready to go now.
So now, to explain why I am okay with going back to Alabama. I hate Alabama, but my friends are there, I have a pre-established social and support network there, family is there and my husband said that if we go, he'll let me be a lazy bum and not work if that's what I need to be able to keep from going crazy. Actually what he said was, "we'll be able to work something out" when I said "fine, we can go to Alabama, but I'm not working." So, if I come back, my sole source of income may be jewelry sales or I may sub in a daycare or something. I am looking at social services jobs, but I'm not forcing myself into a position that I don't think will work--end of story. While this has potential for disaster because I can get horribly depressed when not working, I think I can manage to feel productive without a job--I managed for 4-5 months when my job contract ended right before my wedding. The other thing is that if we were to move back and take up residence in my mother's house or somesuch, I could probably work my first day back. She works in a daycare and told me that if I come that way, they could probably use my help. I also could probably do the substitute dance teacher thing at her dance studio. If we move back to Birmingham, there is no instant job and no instant place to stay, but there's a lot more opportunities for jobs and housing than Huntsville, so we could figure something out pretty quick. Actually, if the place we lived at before had an opening, they would probably let us back in, except I don't know if they would allow our son or not--people there had dogs, but I don't remember whether anyone had big ones.
Oh, I forgot to mention why I am so ready to go. Whitey's job is sucking and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he got fired in the next couple of months because the business people needed someone to blame for things not being done in time despite the fact that the reason it isn't going to get done rests solely on the fact that the business people refuse to hire more IT staff.
You always hear me talk about how I love my job and how I would hate to leave it. This is true, but there are a couple new developments that make me think now would be a good time to exit. One is that it feels like I have to do more and more off the clock to be able to be organized and keep it together to do my on the clock work. Right now I'm only clocking 20-25 hours most weeks, but I'm actually doing 30-35. If I do the math on the pay they give me versus the pay that I would get in Alabama for a place where you're always on the clock if doing something work related, it comes out either about the same, or in favor of Alabama. In addition, the director left about five months ago and we haven't hired anyone to replace him yet. The second in command has been doing an amazing job running the place and I wouldn't trade her for anything. Yesterday, she resigned based on philosophical differences that involve money issues. She's erring on the side of caution and following regulations and they're erring on the side of getting more money out of Medicaid. There was also a situation earlier in the week where they decided to err on the side of money and not on the side of what was in the best interest of the employees and the clients. I don't like this trend and I think that they're going to try to give me less money instead of more. I don't get paid enough as is. Sure, I get $16.75 an hour, but that's essentially the equivalent of $12-$13 an hour somewhere where they pay you for everything work related, and here, we don't get mileage checks. NOT liking this trend. I also forgot to mention that, as much as I love Sandpoint and it's 60% hippie population and the Saturday farmer's market and the mountains and the dance classes by the beach, I know that it isn't viable to stay here long term because of real estate prices and lack of consistent resources for entertainment, etc.
So, after all this, I am ssssooooooooooooooooooooo ready to get the hell out of here, but I have to fucking wait. Quite possibly until next April (if we don't get out of her by October, we're kind of stuck--moving in the winter is much too uncertain).
waiting sucks damnit!
So now, to explain why I am okay with going back to Alabama. I hate Alabama, but my friends are there, I have a pre-established social and support network there, family is there and my husband said that if we go, he'll let me be a lazy bum and not work if that's what I need to be able to keep from going crazy. Actually what he said was, "we'll be able to work something out" when I said "fine, we can go to Alabama, but I'm not working." So, if I come back, my sole source of income may be jewelry sales or I may sub in a daycare or something. I am looking at social services jobs, but I'm not forcing myself into a position that I don't think will work--end of story. While this has potential for disaster because I can get horribly depressed when not working, I think I can manage to feel productive without a job--I managed for 4-5 months when my job contract ended right before my wedding. The other thing is that if we were to move back and take up residence in my mother's house or somesuch, I could probably work my first day back. She works in a daycare and told me that if I come that way, they could probably use my help. I also could probably do the substitute dance teacher thing at her dance studio. If we move back to Birmingham, there is no instant job and no instant place to stay, but there's a lot more opportunities for jobs and housing than Huntsville, so we could figure something out pretty quick. Actually, if the place we lived at before had an opening, they would probably let us back in, except I don't know if they would allow our son or not--people there had dogs, but I don't remember whether anyone had big ones.
Oh, I forgot to mention why I am so ready to go. Whitey's job is sucking and I honestly wouldn't be surprised if he got fired in the next couple of months because the business people needed someone to blame for things not being done in time despite the fact that the reason it isn't going to get done rests solely on the fact that the business people refuse to hire more IT staff.
You always hear me talk about how I love my job and how I would hate to leave it. This is true, but there are a couple new developments that make me think now would be a good time to exit. One is that it feels like I have to do more and more off the clock to be able to be organized and keep it together to do my on the clock work. Right now I'm only clocking 20-25 hours most weeks, but I'm actually doing 30-35. If I do the math on the pay they give me versus the pay that I would get in Alabama for a place where you're always on the clock if doing something work related, it comes out either about the same, or in favor of Alabama. In addition, the director left about five months ago and we haven't hired anyone to replace him yet. The second in command has been doing an amazing job running the place and I wouldn't trade her for anything. Yesterday, she resigned based on philosophical differences that involve money issues. She's erring on the side of caution and following regulations and they're erring on the side of getting more money out of Medicaid. There was also a situation earlier in the week where they decided to err on the side of money and not on the side of what was in the best interest of the employees and the clients. I don't like this trend and I think that they're going to try to give me less money instead of more. I don't get paid enough as is. Sure, I get $16.75 an hour, but that's essentially the equivalent of $12-$13 an hour somewhere where they pay you for everything work related, and here, we don't get mileage checks. NOT liking this trend. I also forgot to mention that, as much as I love Sandpoint and it's 60% hippie population and the Saturday farmer's market and the mountains and the dance classes by the beach, I know that it isn't viable to stay here long term because of real estate prices and lack of consistent resources for entertainment, etc.
So, after all this, I am ssssooooooooooooooooooooo ready to get the hell out of here, but I have to fucking wait. Quite possibly until next April (if we don't get out of her by October, we're kind of stuck--moving in the winter is much too uncertain).
waiting sucks damnit!
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