So, a quick catch up on my life:
I decided that being a nanny made much more sense and have since taken steps to continue my career as a professional nanny. I do still have my social work license and I still look for social work jobs from time to time but it would have to be a damned perfect social work job for a real amount of money (which I almost never see social work jobs offered for) in order to tear me away from wanting to be a nanny. I am worth more than feeling like crap and never feeling good enough and never feeling like I can do enough for my company or for the people I am trying to help. I have never felt even half as stable in ANY job as I do when I nanny.
Right now, however, I am not working as a nanny because the children I was watching are in daycare so as to learn to socialize and get used to school schedules and so forth. I have been looking for a new job since December (and officially unemployed about 2 weeks) and it has been months of me applying for jobs I didn't get any response on, or jobs I get an initial response on but then the parent never contacts me again (or gets banned from the website we were communicating on or something), or jobs that pay barely more than minimum wage, or jobs that seem promising until we talk more and realize that the hours won't work, we wouldn't be a good fit, or something. It's always freaking something.
So, right now, I am unemployed. My day goes like this: Wake up. Put on clothes for no particular reason because I am not going anywhere. Sit down and work on my jewelry blogs or websites. Apply for jobs. Eat lunch while watching an episode of what not to wear or Fullmetal Alchemist. Do some housework. Then hubby comes home.
The days where I get to leave the house, even if it is just to go to the grocery store or run some other mundane errand are the days I LIVE for. So today, I really didn't even want to get out of bed because I'm tired of housework and TV and blogging, but I did because I have a class to go to tonight. Something to look forward to, YAY! So, I got a call about an hour ago that the class was cancelled because not enough people showed up. Is breaking down and losing my mind on the person who calls to re-schedule me appropriate? no? did i? no. IS being upset or crying appropriate? Not according to the rest of the world. It's just a class and you're already re-scheduled, so what's the big deal? Suck it up ya pansy. Things get cancelled all the time.
But this really was the reason I got out of bed this morning. In fact, I am still in my pajamas and may still be wearing the same pajamas this time tomorrow because I have no reason to change out of them. I am unemployed; I have nothing to do and no money to just randomly go do things. So, not getting to go to the one thing you've been looking forward to since the day you became unemployed 2 weeks ago, is kind of a big deal, even if no one else thinks it should be. Wait why does everyone else get to dictate how I feel, oh right, they're my friends and family and potential employers and if I want them not to hate me and leave me, I have to suck it up and paste a smile on my face regardless of how I really feel. Such is life. Life is fucking stupid sometimes.
