Saturday, May 21, 2011

post wherein i answer why I am writing a post at midnight instead of being in bed like a normal person

Restless.

why?

because I have a job interview monday.

if it makes you restless, why are you doing it?

Any job interview I have will make me restless. I like my bubble with the princess and her baby brother and 2 hours of naptime and plenty of time and energy to do craft shows.

Again? why do it?

I need more money. And, in theory, I should do something more with my life than nanny part time. And, if those things are going to happen, this is one of the places I think I can make them happen.... And that's a rare thing these days.

So, why does that make you restless? It's a good thing.

Yes. But A. see above and B. I have been through this before and keep landing back at daycare and nannying because I keep not being a good fit for jobs or vice versa.


Technically, this is the way shit goes and it shouldn't matter. However, I keep placing my whole being into jobs thinking that this will be the one that will work. And it hasn't. I want a more career oriented job, but nannying keeps me sane unlike any social service job I've ever had ever.
I don't want to give up my awesome job with the awesome children and their awesome parents only to find that I can't fucking do social work regularly without losing my mind or that this place is also an awful fit or something.

I have been calm and happy and much less crazy since I started nannying. I'd like to think I'm "destined" for more than taking care of children, but if I have my wits about me steadily for the first time in many years, then I... have a hard time with the idea of it changing but at the same time, I don't want to stay somewhere just because it's comfortable. I don't want to leave, if it's the best place for me, but I don't want to stay just because I'm comfortable if it's not the best place for me...

So, I'm Restless.
:/

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