frustrating.,,,

Okay. I have ADD. Most of you know this. It's not something I hide, and it's definitely something that shapes my daily behaviour. For the most part, the people I know believe in ADD and belive me when I say i have it. NO ONE will believe me when I say I can't do something that most people can do. They try to figure out what the problem is and help me solve it. IF I KNEW, or even had the slightest clue WHY I can't do fucking data entry, there wouldn't be a problem. I am an expert at finding solutions to al the bizarre little problems that come with being me. In this case, all I know is it doesn't matter what I do, all my data entry has tons of errors and no one believes me that it's possible that I can't fix it.
Believe me, if someone said that shooting heroine while naked and standing on my head would make me able to do my job... i would do it. I am at my wit's end and I just want to do a good job.

To add to it, I just read a bunch of posts on an adult ADD forum which sound a lot like mine... all of which end in getting fired, getting on medication (which i am already on), or getting a new job. *sigh*.

Why can't you try a new medication vo0?
I probably should go back to the doctor and therapist, but time is not something we have a lot of in this job and it is not easy to get an hour or two off to go to the doctor... at least not without feeling guilty for abandoning your co-workers... Being one person short in that job SUCKS and pleaces a lot of extra demands on someone else... even if there is time set aside for you to go to the doctor (or whatever). But you're right, vo0 does need to go back to the doc and possibly the therapist.

Why can't you get a new job vo0? A. I like the place where I work because they're generally encouraging and willing to work with me, except for not believing that I can't do better with data entry... And, Like I said, no one believes me on that one--work people, friends, no one.
B. Tell me one job where data entry isn't critically important C. Tell me one job in alabama where they don't try to fit you into a mold. This is the only one I've had that doesn't. Sure, they want me to do quick and accurate data entry, when I'm really not good at that, but they don't expect me to pretend that sex doesn't exist, that people aren't different, that I'm not the goofy, creative, verbose human being that I am, and they don't expect me to do 203982093489348209348 different things that I am not good at. They're asking me to do a few things I'm good at and one I'm DISMAL at. I actually surprised the hell out of myself: It was "a few things I'm good at and two I'm DISMAL at" (the two primary functions of my job), and one day, one of those things just clicked, and I realized I was doing it. I used to run behind on my appointments very frequently and never be able to get caught up. I don't usually run behind anymore, when I do it's usually due to an external force (people showing up late, computers going down, etc.) , and if I do... I'll be caught up within three appts. I pray every day that this happens with data entry... one day it will click and I will be able to do it with speed every time with a MINIMAL NUMBER OF ERRORS every time.... but i think the click is never going to happen. There's nothing that's going to make it click like appts. The appt speed issue clicked when I had to sign everyone up for christmas... I ran behind that whole month. But when the extra stuff went away, I was no longer running behind all the time, whereas before christmas sign-ups, I had been.

Yes, I'm being a whiny bitch and it probably seems like i'm fishing for sympathy. I'm not. Just someone tell me that you believe me when I say I'm trying my best and I've tried almost everything and I just can't do better, even if what you're saying is a lie.

the birthday trip/wine tour

This weekend I went to New York for the wine tour again. It was a really busy weekend. The condensed version is that I set foot in a church twice in one weekend, ate out a lot drank an ass ton of wine, laughed at a lot of crude comments and lewd stories told on the bus, saw a Batavia, NY local stage production of "Singin' in the rain" and got to meet my adorable 9 month old cousin William. No birthday cake this year and no bus full of people singing me happy birthday, but there were brownies with peanut butter cups and lots of laughter.

My husband gave me a lot more money this year, with the directive to spend it! The answer to "how fast can vo0 spend $280" is "oh, about 6 hours." Yes. I said $280 in six hours. I was directed A. not to worry about the price of things B. to buy what I wanted and C. to get a lot more wine than last year because we had to buy extras for the party. Done, done and done. I even got you snobby assholes some drier stuff too. Actually, I was very surprised to find several things with a residual sugar of 2% or less that I actually liked. It was actually a very positive experience to try some of that stuff. Last year all the dry stuff I tried made me pucker up like a lemon. We went to a different set of wineries this year, and, overall, I liked the wines we tasted at these places better. The only disappointment was the lack of ice wine. I think the weather didn't cooperate for people to be able to make the ice wines, but there were plenty of late harvest wines, and all other manner of dessert and sweeter wines. So there was still plenty for me to be giddy about.

I learned a lot of things about religion, about how families react to marriages breaking up (William's dad is leaving his mom), and wine. But mostly I learned that my mother is getting saucy in her old age. She has a friend who is "explicit" (my mother's words) and a therapist who is open and straight forward. So now I have a mother that says things that are disturbing to hear from your mother. We shall leave it at that because, believe me, you don't want to know. Yes, *I* am opting not to put something in my blog because it's too disturbing. Think about that one for a minute.

anyways, it was fun, and I will probably be posting more specifics about some of the things that i breezed by before. Expect to see evites in the next m onth or so for the party... I think we're doing january again this year