The Dog is a hellspawn

...?
Somehow, certain people who shall remain nameless have gotten the impression that the dog is a hellspawn. They say that our posts basically consist of "he ate everything in the house but we love him". I think this person is grossly misinterpreting my posts. Yes, my dog occasionally eats things like socks, blankets and poop.

First of all, He generally does not hurt things in the house unless there is something stressful for him going on. When the blanket died, we hadn't even had him for a week, which means that he had been in the shelter, where he would shake every time a dog barked because he was so nervous, and then moved from there to a new place with new people both of which he knew nothing about. The time he ate Chris' sock was within a month of moving houses in Idaho. The time he ate my shoe was within 2 weeks of moving from Idaho to home. The time he ate the sock most recently, Chris was on a business trip and didn't come home for a night (an occurrence that has never happened before while Ahboo was with us). The only times he's escaped the house were around moving as well. I'm not saying it's okay that he eats things, runs away, etc. or trying to minimize it, but I'm saying 1. he's a work in progress and 2. He is not a QUARTER as bad as the dog I had in high school was the first 2 years we had her. She was a sweet dog, but she ate something every time we left the house, and forget poop, she would chew rocks.
Second of all, when I post about the dog the purpose of the post is not "I love the dog despite the fact that he's a hellspawn."
Here's the thing: I wasn't too keen on having a dog, but my husband was SO keen on having one, that I eventually gave up and told him we could get one. I didn't want a dog because I liked my life the way it was. So, every time I get up in the morning I either resent the fact that I have to let the dog out before I eat and get started with the day, or I eat and get started with the day and then resent myself for not taking care of the dog in a timely manner/not putting his needs before mine. Since it would be tedious and most of you would view me as a horrendous bitch and it would get to be a drag every time I got upset about something dog related (because as I said, it happens pretty much daily), I only post about the really bad stuff. My posts are not so much "OH MY GOD AHBOO IS EVIL BECAUSE HE CHEWED UP A SHOE" as "Oh my god, I agreed to put up with this for the next 15 years?"
The posts always end with "but i love the dog" because I feel bad for bashing the dog for two pages because it's not the dog that I dislike. As dogs go, he's absolutely awesome. The honestly couldn't be a better dog for us. But I don't recall wanting to have to rearrange my schedule (or lack thereof) to make sure something else gets fed, gets to pee, plays appropriately, etc.
I realize i have not justified why the dog is aw some, and I realize that none of you will take it on faith that he is if you already view him as a hell spawn. So here we go: He knows the following commands:
Sit, down, up, stay, release, jump, speak, crawl, shake, come, drop it, bring it here, go to bed, go potty (all without obedience training)
AND he knows hand signals for all of those except drop it and bring it here. He can do a series of every trick he knows, sometimes with some repeated, then he'll stay when we tell him to, we can throw a cookie on the floor or roll a ball past him and he will stay and not touch the toy or cookie until we say "release". It usually takes him a handful of days to learn a trick whereas most dogs take closer to a month.
He knows the following words/phrases despite the fact that probably half of them we never intentionally taught him:
Ride in the car
poop (he knows the difference between potty and poop and we never intentionally taught it to him--this might seem trivial and/or gross but it is invaluable when he is poking you every 3 seconds and you can't figure out why and you say "do you need to poop" and he responds accordingly by dancing if he does or standing there if he doesn't. If you then keep asking questions, he'll dance when you get to the right thing)
French Fries (learned this after hearing it only a few times)
Peanut Butter (probably his favorite food)
Walk
out
O-U-T
B-E-D
bedtime (he automatically goes to bed when you say this now)
No (he knew this one pretty well when we got him)
How do we get attention? (to which he responds by sitting down)
Pup-peroni (learned this one very quickly. It may actually surpass peanut butter in his food preferences, but we won't give it to him anymore after reading the ingredients list)
Food
Dinner
Lets go in
Cookie
Nana (if you ask him where's Nana, he walks right to my mother-in-law)
Dad/Daddy
Mom

He knows our cars by sound (or at least mine) as evidenced by the fact that he paid no attention to the 3 or 4 or 10 other cars that passed him as Chris was walking him outside the complex, but promptly turned around and started wagging his tail right before Chris saw me come over the hill.
Seriously, I have never met a smarter dog. I have met much more mischievous ones. I have met much more strong willed ones. I have met ones that are much less willing to please. I have met dogs that are downright snobbish. I have not met a dog that amazes me almost every day, except this one. But that doesn't stop me from getting annoyed at disruptions caused by having a dog. Hence the ambiguity of my posts, which is somehow being interpreted as emotional blindness.
I'm not blind, I know exactly what Ahboo is: He's a brilliant toddler who has no way of expressing himself other than barking and chewing.