So even though I found out when I was like 9 or 10 that Santa isn't real, I have written him letters almost every year. It usually involves some ludicrous request like a hippopotamus, a lemur or getting to decide who lives and who dies. Sometimes Santa replies and sometimes he does not. The year I asked for tamarins Dad/Santa sent me a slew of links to zoo websites with pictures of the cute little things. This year his reply was classic so I thought I would share it with you.
My Letter to Santa
This year for Christmas I want you to give me wand that will make the dog disappear until I wave it again. Either that or replace the oatmeal in his brains with a Intel Xeon EM64T 3.8 Irwindale 3.8GHz 2MB L2 Cache Socket 604 Active. I would also like a wand that makes my husband do whatever I want-- even if it worked half of the time, I could at least get some peace and quiet and a meal that i didn't cook every once in a while ;) . Also, I want a fruit leather wand that turns any fruit i touch with it into tasty fruit leather. Oh, and maybe you could get my husband some coal and a chocolate bar or something since he has managed to listen to me on one or two occasions this year.
Thanks in advance.
Love and Kisses,
--Hillary (the most patient, non-naggy, unobtrusive wife and dog mother ever)
Santa's Reply to Me
Hillary
I did some checking on that nice dog of yours and found out that even though it may seem like oatmeal occupies his anatomy the Intel Xeon EM64T 3.8 Irwindale 3.8GHz 2MB L2 Cache Socket 604 Active is nothing compared to his real pedigree. Seems his mom and dad spent a good bit of time hanging around a place called Alien Ware - he told me that you MIGHT have heard of that place and that you would never be able to guess his real processor but if you follow the technology news at all you will hear about it in a few more years.
Unfortunately, Mrs. Claus found out about those special wands for use on husbands and she is either keeping them for herself or going into business on the side again - based on some of her past behavior if you're really interested in getting one I'd advise you to check ebay later today. You'll probably want to use the "buy it now" option cause once wives start bidding on those things no tellin what will happen with prices - even if they don't work half the time ! As a mater of fact one of her last ventures was trying to make moccasins from some kind of fruit leather - so if a designer pair of slippers from banana and pineapple sounds ok we might be able to do something there.
For your husband chocolate I can do but coal is being phased out very fast
- old technology, too many darn new regulations and not so environmentally friendly I'm told.
How about a cold fusion kit or hydrogen fuel cell instead ?
SC
Monday, December 25, 2006
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Tips on choosing gifts.
Over the years I have come to think that I am good at choosing gifts for people. Sometimes people who think this are dead wrong and everyone around them is just being nice. Recently, I began to wonder if I am one of those people everyone is being nice to and who is, in fact, giving people things they don't want. The fact that people keep asking me what to get their friends and family members that I know, would lead me to believe that I actually do an okay job of picking out presents. The fact that I am lazy and self absorbed makes me want to post in a blog about how to pick out presents for other people so that I don't have to tell people every year what to get their friends.
1. START EARLY. I cannot emphasize this enough. Having 15 people to buy for and wanting to get them all good things and not thinking about it until December is like trying to alter the valenzeti equation 15 times in a month. Sure, you might get in a few good attempts, but you'll get at least few rushed attempts that you thought probably weren't going to work anyways. The only way I come up with decent ideas for most of the people on my list is to start thinking about it in August or September. This year, I started in August and I just finished figuring everyone out within the last 2 weeks. If you don't like to reinforce corporate America's idea that advertising earlier is a good thing, think about the presents early but don't buy until closer to Christmas.
2. Pay attention to what they buy for themselves. If someone buys themselves cookies from a certain bakery all the time, they might appreciate a gift basket from said bakery. If they buy themselves froofy bubble baths, find a place to get good froofy bath products.
3. If they have expensive tastes and you don't have a lot of money, buy smaller versions of the things they like if possible. I.E. if the coffee they like is $40/pound and you only have $10 to spend, buy them a coffee sampler with two or three very small packs from the same shop. If they buy themselves expensive technological shit you could never understand or afford (and can't chip in with others), find out what the good accessories are for it. I.E. if they buy themselves a Nintendo D.S., They might like a PSP, but they would also probably like a good, inexpensive game for the D.S. or a nice sturdy case.
4. Ask them what they want. Of course, this often doesn't work because they say "nothing". However, if you ask, you might come across someone like me who will make you an amazon list and send you pictures for suggestions and answer the question fifty different ways until blue in the face and still smile and accept graciously when you get her a gift card to Penney's instead of the 15 other stores she showed you items from. But I digress.
5. Shop around. If your person likes gourmet food or froofy bath products or things like that, chances are you can find a local or small shop that makes stuff way more kick ass than the $3 crap you can find at wal-mart. If they like electronics, chances are you can get a better price online than what they have at wal-mart or best buy.
6. Think about their shopping habits. If they hate wal-mart, they're more likely to be happy with the gift, even if it's not perfect, if you went out of your way to find the local owner who is barely hanging in there despite being way cooler than anything that corporate giants can offer. If wal-mart is their favorite store... then, by all means, buy their stuff there.
7. Gift certificates can be appropriate and not make you look like a cheap wad, despite what people might say. If you are buying someone who likes the action of shopping a gift certificate to a store they often intentionally go shopping to, you are not a cheapo (money can also actually be appropriate for people who really like to shop). If you are buying someone a gift certificate to a store they often go to and they don't HATE shpping with a passion, you're not a horrible cheapo, but you may be lazy ;). If you are buying someone a gift certificate to a restaurant they really like, you are not a cheapo but you may be a couch potato. If you are buying a gift certificate for someone for store/restaurant that they like and cannot normally go to because of cost prohibitiveness or because they would never indulge themselves in that particular thing, you are not a cheapo, or a lazy ass; you're getting them a good present.
8. related to both 2 and 7...Pay attention to what they don't buy for themselves. Everyone has at least one thing that they want that they pine over but somehow can't seem to justify spending the money on because it's too expensive, non-essential, etc. Almost everyone I know has mentioned at least one of these things to me in a year.
A couple of more points. Lots of people say it's cost effective and a good idea to look for things year round and then save them up. Yes and no. This is only true if a) you won't lose the thing between whenever you buy it and christmas and b) if the item is unique enough that the person won't end up buying it for themselves between now and christmas. I will however, support what many "experts" say and remind you that budgeting IS a good idea. It's not good to still be in debt from last year's christmas when you start buying presents for this year, like me (okay not really but it's a long story). My last point is on homemade gifts. Homemade gifts are okay but only if you can make someone a gift of a type and quallity they can appreciate. If aunt gertrude is on weight watcher's don't give her a jar of triple fudge cookies just because it's what you're making for everyone else. However, if aunt gertrude loves cookies and you can come up with a low sugar, low fat version to accomodate her diet (and maybe even handwrite the recipe on a nice colorful card), then it's fabulous.
Here sre some links to some unique small operations that could potentially be good gift thingies:
for jewelry... well I'm biased because I run a webstore and I have several friends who have webstores.
my store is http://hippybeads.com For other reccommendations for other jewelry sites you can go there and then click on links.
Anyways, on with the non-self-advertising coolness.
http://www.packriverpotions.com has wonderful bath and body stuff made right in sandpoint, ID
http://www.monarchmountaincoffee.com/ has excellent coffee roasted in the monarch mountain area near sandpoint, ID.
http://www.kaffeeklatsch.com/country.htm has excellent coffee roasted locally in huntsville, al.
http://www.fishfishknits.com has unique, artistic knit items including hats, scarves, etc. She can pretty much knit anything you want if you give her enough forewarning (she made me one of the best purses I've ever owned).
http://adkchocolates.com/ has andriondak made chocolates.
http://www.cranberrysweets.com has cranberry candy made in coos bay oregon and has wine flavored candies.
1. START EARLY. I cannot emphasize this enough. Having 15 people to buy for and wanting to get them all good things and not thinking about it until December is like trying to alter the valenzeti equation 15 times in a month. Sure, you might get in a few good attempts, but you'll get at least few rushed attempts that you thought probably weren't going to work anyways. The only way I come up with decent ideas for most of the people on my list is to start thinking about it in August or September. This year, I started in August and I just finished figuring everyone out within the last 2 weeks. If you don't like to reinforce corporate America's idea that advertising earlier is a good thing, think about the presents early but don't buy until closer to Christmas.
2. Pay attention to what they buy for themselves. If someone buys themselves cookies from a certain bakery all the time, they might appreciate a gift basket from said bakery. If they buy themselves froofy bubble baths, find a place to get good froofy bath products.
3. If they have expensive tastes and you don't have a lot of money, buy smaller versions of the things they like if possible. I.E. if the coffee they like is $40/pound and you only have $10 to spend, buy them a coffee sampler with two or three very small packs from the same shop. If they buy themselves expensive technological shit you could never understand or afford (and can't chip in with others), find out what the good accessories are for it. I.E. if they buy themselves a Nintendo D.S., They might like a PSP, but they would also probably like a good, inexpensive game for the D.S. or a nice sturdy case.
4. Ask them what they want. Of course, this often doesn't work because they say "nothing". However, if you ask, you might come across someone like me who will make you an amazon list and send you pictures for suggestions and answer the question fifty different ways until blue in the face and still smile and accept graciously when you get her a gift card to Penney's instead of the 15 other stores she showed you items from. But I digress.
5. Shop around. If your person likes gourmet food or froofy bath products or things like that, chances are you can find a local or small shop that makes stuff way more kick ass than the $3 crap you can find at wal-mart. If they like electronics, chances are you can get a better price online than what they have at wal-mart or best buy.
6. Think about their shopping habits. If they hate wal-mart, they're more likely to be happy with the gift, even if it's not perfect, if you went out of your way to find the local owner who is barely hanging in there despite being way cooler than anything that corporate giants can offer. If wal-mart is their favorite store... then, by all means, buy their stuff there.
7. Gift certificates can be appropriate and not make you look like a cheap wad, despite what people might say. If you are buying someone who likes the action of shopping a gift certificate to a store they often intentionally go shopping to, you are not a cheapo (money can also actually be appropriate for people who really like to shop). If you are buying someone a gift certificate to a store they often go to and they don't HATE shpping with a passion, you're not a horrible cheapo, but you may be lazy ;). If you are buying someone a gift certificate to a restaurant they really like, you are not a cheapo but you may be a couch potato. If you are buying a gift certificate for someone for store/restaurant that they like and cannot normally go to because of cost prohibitiveness or because they would never indulge themselves in that particular thing, you are not a cheapo, or a lazy ass; you're getting them a good present.
8. related to both 2 and 7...Pay attention to what they don't buy for themselves. Everyone has at least one thing that they want that they pine over but somehow can't seem to justify spending the money on because it's too expensive, non-essential, etc. Almost everyone I know has mentioned at least one of these things to me in a year.
A couple of more points. Lots of people say it's cost effective and a good idea to look for things year round and then save them up. Yes and no. This is only true if a) you won't lose the thing between whenever you buy it and christmas and b) if the item is unique enough that the person won't end up buying it for themselves between now and christmas. I will however, support what many "experts" say and remind you that budgeting IS a good idea. It's not good to still be in debt from last year's christmas when you start buying presents for this year, like me (okay not really but it's a long story). My last point is on homemade gifts. Homemade gifts are okay but only if you can make someone a gift of a type and quallity they can appreciate. If aunt gertrude is on weight watcher's don't give her a jar of triple fudge cookies just because it's what you're making for everyone else. However, if aunt gertrude loves cookies and you can come up with a low sugar, low fat version to accomodate her diet (and maybe even handwrite the recipe on a nice colorful card), then it's fabulous.
Here sre some links to some unique small operations that could potentially be good gift thingies:
for jewelry... well I'm biased because I run a webstore and I have several friends who have webstores.
my store is http://hippybeads.com For other reccommendations for other jewelry sites you can go there and then click on links.
Anyways, on with the non-self-advertising coolness.
http://www.packriverpotions.com has wonderful bath and body stuff made right in sandpoint, ID
http://www.monarchmountaincoffee.com/ has excellent coffee roasted in the monarch mountain area near sandpoint, ID.
http://www.kaffeeklatsch.com/country.htm has excellent coffee roasted locally in huntsville, al.
http://www.fishfishknits.com has unique, artistic knit items including hats, scarves, etc. She can pretty much knit anything you want if you give her enough forewarning (she made me one of the best purses I've ever owned).
http://adkchocolates.com/ has andriondak made chocolates.
http://www.cranberrysweets.com has cranberry candy made in coos bay oregon and has wine flavored candies.
Monday, December 11, 2006
yes, really.
I've been sick for the last week, I was REALLY sick yesterday, I worked Friday despite being too sick to work, I did not get the job I wanted, I cannot buy people the Christmas presents I would like to buy them, my dog has nowhere to run around, I have to take care of the dog despite being sick, and my husband is dead sick, but you know what bums me out the most? The lack of scantily clad females on my desktop. You, unfortunately, cannot keep pictures of half naked women (or men for that matter) on your desktop when you live with your mother-in-law. *Sigh*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)