This lovely post last December talked about the four moods/intentions of Vo0. Right now I am in full on "love me" mode. Talk to me, hug me, pat me on the shoulder, tell me i'm strong and smart even if i don't believe it and for the love of god, don't leave, don't go to bed, and just... don't ever stop.
I have had a lot of personal stress lately. Hubby quit his job a couple of weeks due to it being "asstastic" and him not feeling that being sick with stress every day was worth it, even if we might have to get creative to pay the mortgage. Luckily not much financial creativity was required because he starts a new job tomorrow. Nonetheless, it was draining and I got pretty worn out from those 2 weeks.
Just as I was starting to feel normal again, mom called me and said she was quitting work due to health problems. She had issues about three years ago, and I talked about them right before my santa letter that year. The issues never went all the way away but they got better with the right combination of PT, meds and other medical type stuff. Now they have gotten worse again and the woman who has been a preschool teacher since before I was born is now not one anymore due to chronic health issues. SHIT. ouch.
Seriously, I'm crying now as I type this. sooo not happy. The day i found out, I laid my head on hubby's shoulder about 10 minutes past the point of having neck pain from the way i was laying and really didn't ever want to get up. This weekend I have been... crazy. I want nothing but to connect with people, and be hugged, and talk to people and be around friends and be around hubby and I have been cuddling with hubby all the time and talking to people online almost constantly and it's still not enough. I don't think anything is going to be enough. I can ether go back to blissfully ignoring this, or I can be stressed out for the rest of her life. *sigh*
I could seriously use a kitten pile of friends to nap in right now... I don't care how creepy it sounds to the rest of you, it might actually give me a moment's peace.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
I am awesome! Would you like to know why?!
Remember a couple of weeks ago when I linked to Amanda Palmer's writing contest? My favorite crazy naked musician, held a contest where you could write prose on the subject of her death and possibly win one of 15 copies of her book to be given away as contest prizes. Today I got an email from the publisher of the book. I won a copy.
HOLY.
FUCK.
I never expected to win, and I never necessarily expected what I wrote to be comparably good to what other people would write, but when I saw the contest, I had an urge to write. So I did. I wrote something that I thought was appropriate to my favorite crazy musician/artist and something I was actually proud of. I had no idea it would ever strike someone else as exceptional. I wrote what I wanted to write the exact crazy ass way I wanted to write it, and someone else liked it. Sooo happy!
Here is a taste of the story:
"...To her surprise, she found that, not only could she play the concerto with considerable ease, she could read it. She understood the sheet music intrinsically and played with the passion and fervor of bunnies. When she was finished she smiled softly, for the first time since several hours before her death. 'Wow.' she said. 'Indeed.' said the little man taking up his sheet music. No sooner was it in his hands than he disappeared in a puff of mist or was it smoke or... well, whether or not it was ethereal mist, smoke, or cedar moths on methamphetamine was inconsequential: the fact was, he was gone..."
You should go to the site to read the rest of it.
HOLY.
FUCK.
I never expected to win, and I never necessarily expected what I wrote to be comparably good to what other people would write, but when I saw the contest, I had an urge to write. So I did. I wrote something that I thought was appropriate to my favorite crazy musician/artist and something I was actually proud of. I had no idea it would ever strike someone else as exceptional. I wrote what I wanted to write the exact crazy ass way I wanted to write it, and someone else liked it. Sooo happy!
Here is a taste of the story:
"...To her surprise, she found that, not only could she play the concerto with considerable ease, she could read it. She understood the sheet music intrinsically and played with the passion and fervor of bunnies. When she was finished she smiled softly, for the first time since several hours before her death. 'Wow.' she said. 'Indeed.' said the little man taking up his sheet music. No sooner was it in his hands than he disappeared in a puff of mist or was it smoke or... well, whether or not it was ethereal mist, smoke, or cedar moths on methamphetamine was inconsequential: the fact was, he was gone..."
You should go to the site to read the rest of it.
Monday, July 5, 2010
so, yes I am obsessed, but this is cool... trust me
My girlfriend is having a contest where you can win her new book by writing a story, poem, etc.
I wrote one for the hell of it and you can read it here. So not for the easily offended, but if you're readng my blog, you probably don't fall in to this category.
I wrote one for the hell of it and you can read it here. So not for the easily offended, but if you're readng my blog, you probably don't fall in to this category.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Independence day
I am proud to be a citizen of a country who celebrates that day it said "fuck you" to a government it felt was oppressive. I am proud to be a citizen of a country where other citizens protect me so that I may spend my Sunday posting blogs with lots of cursing, playing board games or otherwise dicking around. The physical and mental trauma suffered by a solder is unimaginable by any of us at home, and we owe them. Thank you soldiers. Happy fourth of July!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
I know more about parenting than you do
If you are a parent, you are responsible for your child... in everything... until they can be independent or you can responsibly find them a safe place to be other than your home...period. No one is perfect, and we all fuck things up, but there are some obvious goddamn things that you should/shouldn't do as a parent (btw, this does not apply to anyone that i know that reads this blog--all of you that i've met are really good parents).
1. If the kid is in public and is screaming or otherwise disrupting others, you should do something about it. It is your job to teach them polite behavior. It is not your job to "deal with" the fact that they hit someone, are screaming, called their grandma a fattie or are otherwise being disrespectful or disruptive by saying "oh, they're just kids." I am a ranting fucking lunatic, but I *knew* by the time i was five exactly how i should behave and what would happen if I didn't. I still know how to behave in public when I want to, but the choice is mine. You're not being mean to your kids by disciplining them, you are giving them a choice. If they don't know that hauling off and smacking someone they are mad at is mean and considered unacceptable, then they can't choose to be acceptable or unacceptable. I *know* how to be acceptable and docile if I choose to, but I also know how to raise holy hell if I feel it is necessary.
2. "Do as I say, not as I do".... UGH UGH UGH. You know, I know this is a hard one sometimes because you may have picked up a bad habit that you don't want the kid to have, but if you do it, they will. The important thing is that, once you pick up the bad habit that you don't want them to have, you need to make a visible effort to quit... many if necessary--as many as it takes until it sticks or you die. Also don't EVER discipline a kid for hitting someone or being mean or being aggressive by smacking them OMG.
3. Don't make selfish choices that put your child's life, emotional state, mental stability or overall chance at life in danger. Seriously, fucking pay attention. Again, we all make mistakes, but shit this major, you should see coming and at least try to prevent it.
You know what, I know that since i do not have any... darling angels of my own that I cannot possibly understand how difficult it is to be a parent or all the shit you're up against, but A. I taught daycare and if crazy ass unstable me can halfway control a kid, most people can do SOMETHING. and B. ...*sigh* I need to shut up.
I don't expect anyone (except myself) to be perfect, but just... TRY--not for me, but for your kids--they didn't ask to be born, so do your best to help them figure all this crazy shit out. Life hurts enough when you understand how it works and you have good influences/examples in your life and you have some sort of structure and reliability... don't make them go through life without these things.
1. If the kid is in public and is screaming or otherwise disrupting others, you should do something about it. It is your job to teach them polite behavior. It is not your job to "deal with" the fact that they hit someone, are screaming, called their grandma a fattie or are otherwise being disrespectful or disruptive by saying "oh, they're just kids." I am a ranting fucking lunatic, but I *knew* by the time i was five exactly how i should behave and what would happen if I didn't. I still know how to behave in public when I want to, but the choice is mine. You're not being mean to your kids by disciplining them, you are giving them a choice. If they don't know that hauling off and smacking someone they are mad at is mean and considered unacceptable, then they can't choose to be acceptable or unacceptable. I *know* how to be acceptable and docile if I choose to, but I also know how to raise holy hell if I feel it is necessary.
2. "Do as I say, not as I do".... UGH UGH UGH. You know, I know this is a hard one sometimes because you may have picked up a bad habit that you don't want the kid to have, but if you do it, they will. The important thing is that, once you pick up the bad habit that you don't want them to have, you need to make a visible effort to quit... many if necessary--as many as it takes until it sticks or you die. Also don't EVER discipline a kid for hitting someone or being mean or being aggressive by smacking them OMG.
3. Don't make selfish choices that put your child's life, emotional state, mental stability or overall chance at life in danger. Seriously, fucking pay attention. Again, we all make mistakes, but shit this major, you should see coming and at least try to prevent it.
You know what, I know that since i do not have any... darling angels of my own that I cannot possibly understand how difficult it is to be a parent or all the shit you're up against, but A. I taught daycare and if crazy ass unstable me can halfway control a kid, most people can do SOMETHING. and B. ...*sigh* I need to shut up.
I don't expect anyone (except myself) to be perfect, but just... TRY--not for me, but for your kids--they didn't ask to be born, so do your best to help them figure all this crazy shit out. Life hurts enough when you understand how it works and you have good influences/examples in your life and you have some sort of structure and reliability... don't make them go through life without these things.
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