I keep trying to convince myself that If I sing along with the Dresden Dolls CD's enough, I will eventually be able to sing like Amanda palmer. When I realize that this isn't working, I become heartbroken, and to console myself, I plan my career as a concept designer for music videos. I really do have fabulous ideas... For songs that will never be singles because, if for no other reason, you cannot say "fuck I'd give you anything if you could make the damn thing work" or "so you can make me come, it doesn't make you Jesus" on MTV. But I still obsessively play the songs over and over and synch up images in my head, and come up with all these great ideas and grin at all the imaginary thanks I receive from the musicians that I only know in my head.
When I'm not obessively playing songs over and over to plot out music videos, I also will play songs over and over obsessively to come up with my awsome choreography which I am absolutely sure will blow everyone's minds... If they ever see it. This dream is actually a little less off the mark, because I am a dancer, and I do know how to choreograph. However this does no good when you have no company, no studio affiliation, and no way to pay for theater space (but who would want to see a show of all solos with the same person anyways).
The easy solution for this would seem to be to go get a job at a dance studio. But I cant do this easily, because I am a social worker. Being a social worker often requires a flexible schedule, which often does not work with something with a fixed schedule, like dance classes. But if I don't so social work, no one would be around to cure the ills of the world! OR... More accurately, I would have a full time job I didn't love. Dance is generally not full time, and even if it was, I'd probably be happier in social work. But, it doesn't always leave time for my dance career, my career as a jeweler, my hobby of silhouetting, my pilates classes, and the belly dance, piano and art classes that I would like to take.
If I tried to do all of this, I would drive myself insane, because of the current number of hours in the day, the level of stress that any human body can handle, and the brain capacity that I was given. So, what I want to do when I grow up is invent a way to increase the number of hours in a day, double the brain capactity of humans, make the heart more resilient, and give myself a couple extra sets of arms, so that while I am playing the piano and choreographing at the same time, I also have time to do my notes on the poor kid whose severe ADHD has given him such a reputation that the school will never accept him as smart and well behaved, even if he got every question on every test right, and sat still and quiet for the rest of his life. When I make this amazing discovery, I will be awarded the Nobel science prize, and bosses everywhere will thank me for the increase in productivity.
Oh...
But I'm not a scientist.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
cutesy thing
this is not a real update, but I thought it was cute. I'll try not to post oto much of this crap in the blog as it can get boring.
| You Were Actually Born Under: |
 You are intelligent and intuitive - and make a savvy businessperson. You live life to the fullest, even if it means maxing out your credit cards. Many people are secretly (and hopelessly) in love with you. You are most compatible with a Rooster or Ox. |
| You Should Have Been Born Under: |
 Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away. You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others. You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships. Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations. You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit. |
Monday, June 27, 2005
random rant... maybe for real this time
As I was saying...
why the hell is it okay for companies to convince people they NEED things that are not only not useful, but can be harmful. I'm not jumping on the OMG MCDONALDS AND GUNS AND FILESHARING ARE EVIL BECAUSE THEY CAN BE MISUSED bandwagon. If you have half a brain, you should know that MCDonald's is unhealthy, Guns can kill people if not used safely and filesharing can steal money from executives who steal money from musicians (but that's another rant altogether).
The things I'm talking about are the things that most people don't know aren't safe, but the commercials, and hype convince us that we need them like douche, certain "vitamins" and "supplements"/and diet pills. Douche can throw off a woman's uhh... internal balance and can cause infections and irritation in her most sensitvie of parts. Most women, however would not know this unless they've had a problem th at would carry them to the doctor who would then say "have you been using a douche?". We have known for years that this is generally a harmful product, but yet the companies still sell it by frightening the poor girls into thinking they might have to go through the embarassment of feeling or smelling "not so fresh". I have news for you, If you feel or smell that badly, the only thing that is going to help is a trip to the damn doctor.
Supplements are a problem because A. they are unregulated by the FDA and B. This means that they can and do put harmful substances in the pills and say that they're a new part of the B vitamin complex or whatever other miracle they want to sell that day. Not all supplements are bad or harmful, but there are some that claimed to be vitamins that were found to have carcinogenic ingredients in them. But yet, some company convinced us that we need them to be faster, smarter, younger, etc.
Diet pills can be harmful and so called "natural" diet pills are often nothing or often contain caffeine, guarana, ephedra or some other manner of upper that speeds up your metabolism. Paying money for pill that does nothing is stupid. Paying money for a pill that keeps you hopped up all the time is dangerous and stupid. It's bad for your body to be on unprescribed stiumlants all the time, and even if you wanted to do that, you could just buy alot of coffee for alot less than people charge for those pills.
So here's the next question, is the problem that the assholes at the companies try to convince us that we need these things, or is the problem that we are so afraid of being imperfect that we buy into their propaganda hook line and sinker? Are we so self-loathing that we can't accept ourselves for who we are or be bothered to research something to make sure it won't harm us? I have news for, vagina's don't smell like daisies, some of us are fat, and people get old. The even worse thing is, there are tried and true ways of fixing problems. IF you have a female infection, go to a doctor, if you're fat, get off the damn couch, and if you're starting to feel your age, get off the damn couch or go to a doctor if necessary. The problem with this stuff is that it takes alot of work and alot of time, and in our culture we want everything done yesterday without having to lift a finger.
Honestly, most of us are more intelligent than this, and we should stop allowing ourselves to be duped into this. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am who I am and that's okay." Then go for a walk. Then come back and schedule any doctors appointments you might need. Please. If we all did this, maybe the corporate assholes would stop making money and they would realize that we're not all a bunch of easily lead sheep. And then maybe, JUST MAYBE, I wouldn't have to see 80,000 commercials for diet pills, "stay young" supplements, and freaking DOUCHE. It's not okay for companies to convince us that we need these things, but it's also not okay for us to buy into it. We're smart enough to know what works, and when we don't, we're fully able to do the research to find out about it.
So, Please, Big companies, stop selling us harmful shit under the guise of it being helpful and, Consumers, believe in yourself enough not to be duped into this crap. PLEASE.
why the hell is it okay for companies to convince people they NEED things that are not only not useful, but can be harmful. I'm not jumping on the OMG MCDONALDS AND GUNS AND FILESHARING ARE EVIL BECAUSE THEY CAN BE MISUSED bandwagon. If you have half a brain, you should know that MCDonald's is unhealthy, Guns can kill people if not used safely and filesharing can steal money from executives who steal money from musicians (but that's another rant altogether).
The things I'm talking about are the things that most people don't know aren't safe, but the commercials, and hype convince us that we need them like douche, certain "vitamins" and "supplements"/and diet pills. Douche can throw off a woman's uhh... internal balance and can cause infections and irritation in her most sensitvie of parts. Most women, however would not know this unless they've had a problem th at would carry them to the doctor who would then say "have you been using a douche?". We have known for years that this is generally a harmful product, but yet the companies still sell it by frightening the poor girls into thinking they might have to go through the embarassment of feeling or smelling "not so fresh". I have news for you, If you feel or smell that badly, the only thing that is going to help is a trip to the damn doctor.
Supplements are a problem because A. they are unregulated by the FDA and B. This means that they can and do put harmful substances in the pills and say that they're a new part of the B vitamin complex or whatever other miracle they want to sell that day. Not all supplements are bad or harmful, but there are some that claimed to be vitamins that were found to have carcinogenic ingredients in them. But yet, some company convinced us that we need them to be faster, smarter, younger, etc.
Diet pills can be harmful and so called "natural" diet pills are often nothing or often contain caffeine, guarana, ephedra or some other manner of upper that speeds up your metabolism. Paying money for pill that does nothing is stupid. Paying money for a pill that keeps you hopped up all the time is dangerous and stupid. It's bad for your body to be on unprescribed stiumlants all the time, and even if you wanted to do that, you could just buy alot of coffee for alot less than people charge for those pills.
So here's the next question, is the problem that the assholes at the companies try to convince us that we need these things, or is the problem that we are so afraid of being imperfect that we buy into their propaganda hook line and sinker? Are we so self-loathing that we can't accept ourselves for who we are or be bothered to research something to make sure it won't harm us? I have news for, vagina's don't smell like daisies, some of us are fat, and people get old. The even worse thing is, there are tried and true ways of fixing problems. IF you have a female infection, go to a doctor, if you're fat, get off the damn couch, and if you're starting to feel your age, get off the damn couch or go to a doctor if necessary. The problem with this stuff is that it takes alot of work and alot of time, and in our culture we want everything done yesterday without having to lift a finger.
Honestly, most of us are more intelligent than this, and we should stop allowing ourselves to be duped into this. Look at yourself in the mirror and say "I am who I am and that's okay." Then go for a walk. Then come back and schedule any doctors appointments you might need. Please. If we all did this, maybe the corporate assholes would stop making money and they would realize that we're not all a bunch of easily lead sheep. And then maybe, JUST MAYBE, I wouldn't have to see 80,000 commercials for diet pills, "stay young" supplements, and freaking DOUCHE. It's not okay for companies to convince us that we need these things, but it's also not okay for us to buy into it. We're smart enough to know what works, and when we don't, we're fully able to do the research to find out about it.
So, Please, Big companies, stop selling us harmful shit under the guise of it being helpful and, Consumers, believe in yourself enough not to be duped into this crap. PLEASE.
Sunday, June 26, 2005
random rant
Okay, why the hell is it okay for people to convince people they NEED things that are not only not useful, but can be harmful.....
OOOOHHHH KLAX....
Okay, I had something serious to say, but then my husband discovered a way that I could play an old favorite puzzle game called klax...
Why Is it, that of all games, it's always the things like tetris and klax and lumines that I would lose sleep over if I wasn't married to someone who reminds me that I do need sleep and that playing a game all night might cause hallucinations of little blocks to fall in front mof my eyes for the rest of my life. I can be a superhero, or I can scare the shit out of sorotiy girls, or I can bust a cap in someone's ass, but the thing that I always pour the hours into generally involves little blocks and making patterns with said little blocks. you would think that one would either bore of such an activity or get thoroughly pissed at the ability of some little blocks to outsmart them numerous damn times within an hour. But no, I choose to let the little blocks outsmart me and ultimately cause my demise through poor eyesight, and eventually, going batshit insane. Someday, when I'm old and gray and my husband is long gone to the pie retaurant in the sky, a police officer is going to come to my door becuase of reports loud screams of "You're a whore! Goddamnit why the fuck do you always do this to me!" When I fail to open the door, the police officer will kick it open only to find me redfaced and screaming at the top of my lungs "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU STUPID BLOCKS! DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY NOW!" When The police officer nicely suggests that maybe I should put the game now, I'll start banging my head against the wall out of frustration, and he will then decide to drag me, kicking and screaming, while clutching onto my controller with all my might, to the looney bin where I will sit and rock all night and all day saying "how do they do it? How do they outsmart me every time... every time... every time...."
OOOOHHHH KLAX....
Okay, I had something serious to say, but then my husband discovered a way that I could play an old favorite puzzle game called klax...
Why Is it, that of all games, it's always the things like tetris and klax and lumines that I would lose sleep over if I wasn't married to someone who reminds me that I do need sleep and that playing a game all night might cause hallucinations of little blocks to fall in front mof my eyes for the rest of my life. I can be a superhero, or I can scare the shit out of sorotiy girls, or I can bust a cap in someone's ass, but the thing that I always pour the hours into generally involves little blocks and making patterns with said little blocks. you would think that one would either bore of such an activity or get thoroughly pissed at the ability of some little blocks to outsmart them numerous damn times within an hour. But no, I choose to let the little blocks outsmart me and ultimately cause my demise through poor eyesight, and eventually, going batshit insane. Someday, when I'm old and gray and my husband is long gone to the pie retaurant in the sky, a police officer is going to come to my door becuase of reports loud screams of "You're a whore! Goddamnit why the fuck do you always do this to me!" When I fail to open the door, the police officer will kick it open only to find me redfaced and screaming at the top of my lungs "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU STUPID BLOCKS! DO WHAT I FUCKING SAY NOW!" When The police officer nicely suggests that maybe I should put the game now, I'll start banging my head against the wall out of frustration, and he will then decide to drag me, kicking and screaming, while clutching onto my controller with all my might, to the looney bin where I will sit and rock all night and all day saying "how do they do it? How do they outsmart me every time... every time... every time...."
Thursday, June 23, 2005
So, I created this log because The registration made me so I could post in my friend's blog. Howver, I think that since It's here, I may actually try to do some writing... Maybe some freewriting or something. This may be very boring for you out there, but it's not like anyone will be reading this crap anyways. Right? I mean, I like to think I'm cool and creative and stuff, But I mostly just ramble. Like I rambled all morning this morning with the dance tacher. That was fun though-- I am just getting settles in here, and it's nice to talk to people and find out their stories and figure out who's a kindred spirit and who's not.
Moving kind of sucks, though. New opportunities and new people are good. Leaving behind all the people, dance classes, restaurants, etc. you already love sucks. I have mundane dreams where people I used to hang with happen to show up and say something mundane, and then I wake up and get sad because I can't see them again. I guess my biggest sadness is leaving behind my dance class. We had a pretty cohesive group of people, and it wasn't just about dancing. We hung out and talked about what was going on in our lives and sometimes we went out to dinner. I really miss that group.
I found a good dance class, and the teacher is pretty cool, both as a dancer and a person. But, right now, the class is just some of her former students returning... they all knew each other. I'll find a way to fit in and find all new "families" (work, home friends) up here. But for right now, It's kind of lonely in my neck of the woods.
Moving kind of sucks, though. New opportunities and new people are good. Leaving behind all the people, dance classes, restaurants, etc. you already love sucks. I have mundane dreams where people I used to hang with happen to show up and say something mundane, and then I wake up and get sad because I can't see them again. I guess my biggest sadness is leaving behind my dance class. We had a pretty cohesive group of people, and it wasn't just about dancing. We hung out and talked about what was going on in our lives and sometimes we went out to dinner. I really miss that group.
I found a good dance class, and the teacher is pretty cool, both as a dancer and a person. But, right now, the class is just some of her former students returning... they all knew each other. I'll find a way to fit in and find all new "families" (work, home friends) up here. But for right now, It's kind of lonely in my neck of the woods.
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